She gets extremely moody and mean a fews days every month and expects me to just deal with it - which I do for the most part.
I absorb most of the "blows" (not physical) without retaliating, trying to be understanding of her situation.
However, when I occassionally have a tough day and get irritable and short tempered with her -- she lashes out right back at me -- and sometimes ups the ante.
She doesn't feel that she should to deal with MY bad days, but expects me to deal with hers.
I think this is unreasonable, selfish (and, yes I have told her this) and that I am pretty much fed up.
Am I off base?
2007-02-11 15:00:50 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Not at all. Male/female stigmas aside, the golden rule says to do unto others as you would have others do unto you. That's reasonable enough. If men and women are truly to be equal in our society, they should have to put up with our bad days too. Many tend to think that equality means only access to the good stuff without the responsibility of enduring the not so good stuff. That seems pretty one sided to me. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
2007-02-11 16:05:10 · answer #1 · answered by rtanys 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you know she probably has a physical reason for getting moody "a few days a month." You, on the other hand, don't have that excuse. But, that said, in general, husbands and wives need to have enough respect for each other not to hurt each other when they are tired or upset. Rather than give up, though, if you married this woman, you owe it to her to find out what is happening with her. There are new medications that can help her moods. And, she should be tolerant of your moods, too. If I were you, I'd find a loving way to tell her that you both need some marriage counseling to learn to deal with your bad days. You married "for better or for worse" so you have a moral obligation to help each other make your marriage happier. Get going.
2007-02-11 23:17:36 · answer #2 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES husbands should definitley get some conideration and respect and love too. She needs to learn to love you and treat you like she wants to be treated. When she is mean and moody go out and let her be and give her her space. Bring her home some flowers when she gets like this and kiss her on the cheek even though she is moody and say honey I love you even when you are moody. She really should understand when you have a bad day and treat you with respect and love too. You should both learn to deal with each others bad days and love each other unconditionally through this. She is unreasonable and selfish for treating you like this. You are not off base here. talk to her and tell her how you are feeling and why you feel this way. See if she is open to going to marriage counseling with you. I sure hope things get better for you soon and i will be thinking of and praying for you and this marriage.
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2007-02-11 23:11:42 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes husbands should definitely get consideration and understanding when they have had a bad day/week!
You say that you have told her that you think this is unreasonable & selfish but have you both actually talked about it? I mean have you both calmly & reasonably talked about it? If not then you need to talk with her when you are both having a good day.
And no your not off base but please let her get on base too! By calmly talking the problem over, y'all should be able to figure out the best way to handle these days/times. Communication is the largest asset in/to a marriage! Lack of it can ruin one!!
Best wishes to both of you!
2007-02-11 23:38:30 · answer #4 · answered by Donna J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to sound like a typical female but is this time during her period? We are all irritable then. You didn't say ages, is she in menopause? Could be lots of things. But no she shouldn't expect you to take her moods if she isn't willing to reciprocate. You both need to sit down and talk openly as to why she gets like this, but don't make her out to be the bad one, or you won't get anywhere. If she isn't willing to talk or to listen to you when you are upset or down, doesn't sound like much of a marriage and tell her she is driving you away. I wish you the best. No you are not off base, she is being unreasonable.
2007-02-11 23:07:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
How long have you been married? You're right, this seems one sided, but who says marriage is 50/50? See, your irritability comes from an external source, whereas hers is hormonal. You can control yours much more easily than she can. So, when you get stressed out, don't act like you are on PMS just to get back at her, sit down and talk with her. When she is on PMS, just stay clear.
2007-02-11 23:09:13 · answer #6 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually you are completly on base there. Husbands should have a day or 2 where they can vent it all off. You are right in wanting some steam time to.
2007-02-11 23:05:34 · answer #7 · answered by daisy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are not off base. She should be able to deal with your bad days just like you deal with hers. She seems kind of selfish to me.
2007-02-12 03:26:40 · answer #8 · answered by Crumbling_Cookie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nope.. men have hormonal changes too.. women and men are all sometimes a bit selfish and should learn to be more adaptive.. especailly in a marriage.. communication is a large part why marriages fail.. and usually over soemthing as stupid as the cap on the toothpaste.. or a spooon.. tak to her.. before this gets out of control... but do it when you are both calm.. she may just want more of your attention...good luck
PS: FYI: you are right here
2007-02-11 23:10:23 · answer #9 · answered by red74 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I haven't had a period since i was 23 because i had to have an emergency hysterectomy, I am now 34, But i agree that ever body should be able to have some vent time.
word of advise, wait until she is over her's, lol, then explain your need to vent. Good Luck:)
2007-02-11 23:12:49 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋