I am coming out of a 13 year marriage. it has been HELL to say the least.. he wouldn't come home after work.. drank every day.. smoked pot.. did pills.. was drunk the night our kids were born.. needless to say i have had enough.. so we decided it best to go our seperate ways now he wants to come back!! I don't want him to .. of course our kids do.. 2 days he hasn't drank Whoopie.. right.. now he lives in an old run down trailor with a kerosene heater we have a nice house.. he has crape.. I have tried.. i bought him all kinds of stuff.. now i get phone calls I love u! I am sorry I didnt appreciate you.. and so on..So why do i feel so bad? i just want it all to be over.. find someone who puts me first for once.. Help please..
2007-02-11 14:57:37 · 14 answers · asked by red74 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's just the change that is making you feel this way.
Stay the course.
You have put up with enough crap already.
Good luck
2007-02-11 15:01:53 · answer #1 · answered by zen522 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He had 13 years to show you that he loves you. By what you say he didn't do that. Now he is probably trying to turn things around on you and make you feel guilty. It is a mind trick and he knows what buttons to push and you feel guilty. Later you will look back and try to figure out how he did that, made you feel guilty, when you know you did nothing to feel guilty about. I was in a relationship like yours and he did the same thing to me. You have to be strong. Of course your children want him to come back he is their father but your kids will be better off if the two of you stay separated if he has a drinking and drug problem. All I can say is stay strong you know what is best for you and your children. Hope everything works out for you.
2007-02-11 23:13:21 · answer #2 · answered by Michelle S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way your husband or soon to be ex, is the exact way a loser would act, when his meal ticket is leaving him. You will be doing neither him or you any favors if you two get back together. Your kids need a father, but they don't need a drunk, druggy as a Dad. Two days sober isn't enough, if you are considering getting back with him, make it a year. He has to clean up and get on the path of the straight and narrow. Once he's done it for a year, then get back together.
2007-02-11 23:04:12 · answer #3 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
An old friend once told me "the only thing good re-heated is stuffed cabbage. "
Don't let him do a guilt trip on you... and that is what he is doing.
Get on with your life, get some counseling so you can get your head on straight... Change your phone number, or pull out the land line, and just use your cell and change that number too.....
You said he has addictions, drugs, alcohol,yadadyadadyayday....... You want this back?????????
file against the guy, make the settlement fair, use a mediating attorney or neither of you will end up with anything....
Does he love you? probably not. He loved being taken care of.... do you wish to continue to be his care giver?????????
2007-02-11 23:07:10 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
13 years of hell and he thinks if he quits getting drunk and acting like an idiot for a few months its going to make things better. If you think he's really serious suggest getting a legal separation until he completes a substance abuse program. You have to think of the kids. Its not healthy for children to see their father drunk and stoned all the time. I think you're doing the right thing, stick with it and I hope things turn out OK for you all.
You're right, find some one who puts you first for once you deserve that.
2007-02-11 23:10:56 · answer #5 · answered by Rocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is totally normal to feel bad! Just don't take him back sooo fast! Ohhhh no! Before you even consider it, tell him there are certain things he has to do. First he has to join AA and NA. Then he has to go to marriage counseling with you. He has to be clean and sober for like 6 months before you'll consider having a trial go at it again. You've got leverage now! Take advantage of it! You have ever right to have certain standards, so please don't feel guilty for making him step up to the plate and be a man. He's gotten away with acting like a little boy for tooooo long. Make him grow up and become a man and then take him back. Good luck!!!!!
2007-02-11 23:02:52 · answer #6 · answered by lalolalo62 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he is playing on your emotion. of course the kids want him back but in 10 years your kids will move on and you'll be stuck with the child you have that will never grow up. it sounds like you gave him more chances than he deserved and that you really left the relationship a long ime ago, that is why you feel no emotion. no because you are cold or have no feeling, but because you don't love him.
you did the right thing... keep going and get in a relationship with someone you love and that will support you emotionally, as you'll be tied to this man until your kids are 18...
good luck.
2007-02-11 23:02:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
From his past actions it sounds like this guy isn't good for either you or the kids. Right now you need to stop worrying about this grown man and focus your energy on bettering yourself and the future of your kids. He has the opportunity to get out of his bad situation it just sounds like hes not motivated so don't let him enter your life again and ruin it especially if you are living comfortably.
I hope this helps.
2007-02-11 23:04:21 · answer #8 · answered by Mjk 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
think about your children how much he**** will you be putting them through it can have a terrible impact on their lives later on. i have been where you are. and i always took him back now he is dead my children are grown and cannot make a decision about anything i have one child that stays in and out of jail all the time if this does not give you an incentive to say no more i don't know what will being raised in a house that is divided is not good
2007-02-11 23:11:56 · answer #9 · answered by mishoney 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we always want to believe things will change, but you've been through so much with him and u tried and shouldn't feel guilty. he is where he is because of his choices, guess he would want to come back home but some things never change i would just move on and be happy it's almost over with.
2007-02-11 23:05:23 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋