My man and i have been together for 3 years and have been living together for 8 months. we have a 6month old baby.
my man is 10 years older than me. He has more kids from previous relationships. I accept that. But he wont ever talk about them, i only know one of their names!!! he says he will open up about them when he is ready, i love him! but it has been 3 years! i dont care if what he has to say is bad! i just want him to trust me. He knows everything about me inside and out. i feel like i dont know him at all.
but when we kiss or hug, he melts my heart! help!
i dont want any secrets!
2007-02-11 14:28:55 · 9 answers · asked by jiggamaboo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Whenever people's behavior seems inexplicable, I try to remember that from their perspective, their behavior makes perfect sense.
Your husband is a man who may feel he has made some big mistakes in the past. Maybe some of those mistakes he cannot forgive himself for, or fears that if you find out all the details, you won't forgive him either, in spite of your protestations to the contrary. He doesn't want to lose you so he has decided to try to weather through all your questions, hoping you will eventually let it go.
I believe in honesty in marriage, and between friends, but also I understand that too much history can potentially damage a relationship. Perhaps this is a case of "be careful of what you wish for, you just might get it".
You might try approaching him obliquely on the topic. Ask him why he is so reluctant to talk about that topic. Find out what it is he fears will happen if he tells you everything. Or ask him what lessons he's learned from his previous relationships and family. He may give you enough information to satisfy your curiosity.
2007-02-11 14:43:45 · answer #1 · answered by bearvarine 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is really strange. I think I would have been asking questions before I moved in. What if there are really bad things that you should have known, like why does he not see the other kids? Why is it so secret is there some criminal reason why? I would start digging on my own and find out what I could. If there is nothing to hide then he should be letting you in after all this time. Maybe he is still in other relationships and that is why he soesn't talk about them. He could be telling someone else the same thing he tells you! Start investigating and please come back and let us know I will always wonder about you.
2007-02-11 14:40:48 · answer #2 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He probably doesn't pay his child support, never visits them and in general is a really pathetic excuse for a father. Or he's been banned by a court from seeing his kids for some reason (that usually means one thing - child sexual abuse).
Think about it - you've dated him for 3 years, lived with him for 8 months, but you've NEVER MET HIS KIDS, other than the one you two have together.
That means, in 3 years, he hasn't had his kids visit for the weekend or stay over at his house.
That's very bad!!!
Either he's a world class jerk who doesn't care about his kids from his other relationships or some family court somewhere barred him from being around his kids because he beat or molested them very badly.
Either way, this guy does NOT sound like good relationship material!!!
I would suggest you check the State Police Megan's Law website for your state, to see if he is listed as a sex offender!
2007-02-11 15:20:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that if you have a child together and are planning to perhaps be together forever that his past (and by past I mean his other children) are of a concern to you. Is he not even involved in their lives??
If your boyfriend is private about other relations he's had with other women then that is understandable. Either way you should sit him down and talk to him about how you fee. Maybe he thinks you don't care.
2007-02-11 15:00:53 · answer #4 · answered by ←Shea→ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you better not ask, honey.... If he is 10 years your senior and has a lot of children, and a big history he'd just as soon forget, maybe you just better quit asking. If you and he last long enough, you'll find out soon enough.... and it may be more than you wish to know.... it's called "let a sleeping dog lie".....and for the sake of your relationship, maybe the best advise you could get is to just shut the hell up..... sorry... He is real. He just feels at this point dredging up anything is worthless.......... get it???
2007-02-11 14:56:22 · answer #5 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
just talk to him about it. let him understand that you want to know about all of that because you feel that its like a barrier in your guys relationship. and him opening up will only allow you two to grow stronger together. and hell feel better after sharing.
2007-02-11 14:33:42 · answer #6 · answered by hopeless_dre4mer 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well let go and leave him alone , you probably knew ahead of time about his past so just let him be or let him go its your choice and well frankly if he wanted to share it he would have already
2007-02-11 18:38:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if the present is OK, then forget about the past, especially when it doesn't concern you.
2007-02-11 15:03:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is HIS past and he doesn't want to tell you about it. He doesn't HAVE to, it is in the past and it doesn't concern you.
2007-02-11 14:42:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋