I don't understand this game, I really don't, and that is what it feels like is a game. I am twenty, male, and in the closet, probably untill I find that perfect someone. Don't bash this, but I HATE the gay culture, it just doesn't work for me, and isn't something I find attractive. I will not meet mr right on a gay cruise or in a gay bar, so how am I supposed to meet him at all when he is probably just as awkward and embarrassed about his sexuality as I am? If your advice is to come out, sorry, I am just not ready for that step yet, and if that means I have put myself in this situation of loneliness so be it. I just want to meet a normal guy, with a heart of gold, and have this whole gay pride business not matter, am I the only one on the planet dealing with this?
2007-02-11 14:24:57 · 7 answers · asked by doombadoomba 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
No, of course you aren't alone. That's one of the fallacies that people who think we choose to be gay don't understand, that being gay means reducing the field of available romantic interests by over 90%! And it's another argument in favour of everyone wearing a label that says gay or straight or "flexible." The Japanese have one solution, although I haven't heard anything about it lately: they designed an electronic device that you can program with your personal profile and what you're looking for in someone else, and it beeps when you're near such a person! Meanwhile, if you don't put yourself "out" there, no one is going to find you, either. I was never comfortable in gay bars, either, it all seemed so forced and phony. So I'm much, much older and still closeted (although I had encounters at your age, but just lacked the confidence to pursue them). I'd say go to the bars and the gatherings and look for guys as shy as you and agree to go meet somewhere else, not just one-on-one but as many as you can round up. Good luck and best wishes!
2007-02-12 08:07:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bars are not to the place to find love, whether you are gay or straight. They are a place to go and get laid. End of story. If you want a meanigful relationship, you will have to look elsewhere.
You do not mention the kind of town/city you live in. Try volunteering for an AIDS organization or find the local GLBT center. When I was single, I lived in a relatively small town, but nearby was a gay/lesbian coffee shop. I met lots of very nice, interesting people there who weren't just cruising. How about bookstores? Are you in college? Many colleges have some sort of GLBT organization. In short, visit the kind of places where quality people are, and you'll find someone wonderful.
2007-02-11 14:55:27 · answer #2 · answered by Elaine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could try:
gay.com
planetout.com
mygaydar.com
These are quality sites that have more to offer than just quick hook ups and porn. Post an ad, you don't have to have a pic, (but you'd get more answers if you did), and you can peruse ads to try to find Mr. Right. There really is no sense in going through your life alone, at least not with the internet at your fingertips. I am not a person in your situation, as I have always been very outgoing person, but I feel for you. I met a super nice guy who was/is very much the same as you. He's out to only 2 or 3 people, and he's 33. We didnt work out as bfs, but I now have a super nice friend. Try it.....you have absolutely nothing to lose.
Good Luck!
2007-02-11 14:54:38 · answer #3 · answered by ramblin' robert 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and I are very similar. I am 20 and as of right now, I am only out to my parents. I just can't bring myself to tell my friends yet. It's not as though I'm embarassed of my sexuality, I am just worried about how they will react. I don't have too many friends, and the ones I do have, I am very close to. I don't want to lose them. I agree, I would prefer to find a funny, nice, and understanding guy who truly loves me. I am not into the stereotypical gay lifestyle at all.
2007-02-11 14:54:11 · answer #4 · answered by Hmmm... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In many respects your are right...when I was in my late 20's I thought 'I don't want to be one of these men in their 50's --standing in the same corner of the same bar for 30 years...but then I met someone..and spent 7 years with him and now I've been with someone 20 years...we don't go out to the bars and gay scene..we just live our normal everyday life. It's what we want to do.
2007-02-11 15:07:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I want love too. A normal guy, with a heart of gold, someone to hold me at night.
However i disagree about ur stand in gay pride. I believe u should be proud of urself at all times. Proud to be a student, proud of my marks, proud of my little sister, proud of my family, proud at all of my accomplishments, and - yes - proud to be gay.
I'm sure ur not the only 1 dealing with this. I wish u luck in life, u have my support.
Peace
da naughty 1
2007-02-11 16:04:10 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At 20, most gay guys only care about sex. It's unfortunate, but you have to hope for a decent guy
2007-02-11 16:19:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋