I am such a HORRIBLE PERSON!! I HATE myself!! I HATE ME!! I HATE ME!?

Question

My senior research paper was due friday. I didn't do it so I was absent. I didn't do it until last night until 2 am when I fell asleep. Today, I continued on it than my little brother (he is 5) came into my room playing with a whistle. I told him to "please leave my room, baby, I am working on an important project." He kept on whistling and not listening to me. Then he kept on bugging me and tagging on me and coming on my bed. He asked for gum this and that. I got more and more mad when I gave him a little push to go. He left my door open. I yelled "Shut the door" he came rushing back into my room, bugging and bugging me more. Than I went off. I started screaming at him and calling my mom as loud as I could. He started crying. On top of that, my computer shut down just as this was going on and I hadn't saved my work so it deleted everything. It wasn't my brother's fault, it was mine. I had got so mad, I had slammed on my laptop. My brother got so scared. I started cursing and

yelling and hitting things and punching the door and stuff. I got very very angry. It had taken me so long to do this because it's such a hard subject. I had lost most of what I had typed and my info.

I am so mad at myself. I hate myself so much right now. I am so upset I hurt my brother and scared him! I love him so much. Will he ever forgive me? I hate myself. I want to die right now! I wish I could turn back time. **** the research paper even though if I don't do it, I don't graduate, it's not more important than my brother's feelings. He is my EVERYTHING!!!

Answer 1

well, that was some story. it happens to everybody. i think you are worrying about it to much. i am not trying to be mean or anything but i am just saying. sure you hurt his feelings and made him cry and you feel bad about it but im sure he will forgive you. he is only 5. give it a day or two and things will be back to normal. im sure he wont hold a grudge on you for any longer then that. he is only 5. it will be off his mind in no time. in a way you should feel bad but you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. little kids get there feelings hurt easily and cry easily. ever tried taking a game away from a spoiled little kid. chances are the kid will start screaming, throw a fit, then run off crying. they do this because they are young and it is just how young people are. im going to be honest. im sure he was very hurt at the time. he was trying to get attention from you because most likely he looked up to you and then you went off on him. when i was a kid nothing hurt more then when i was trying to get attention then got yelled at. im not trying to make you feel worse i am just giving you my personal experience.

anyways. i would feel very sad and unloved then my parents would appologize to me and explain why they had yelled at me. they would come in and give me a hug then play a game with me and give me some attention and help me get my feelings out. an hour later i was bouncing off the walls happy as could be and playing with my parents. it was like it had never happened. in a way after things like this had happened i felt closer to my parents.....i felt stronger. but after we talked i would feel better.....my sadness would go away and it would be as if it had never happened.

my point is even though you hurt his feelings you can always unhurt them. and also he will forget about it in no time. i used to work at a daycare and things like this happen daily. kids get yelled at.....nerves get twisted and people get mad. the result is the kids normally get their feelings hurt and start crying and feel the world is against them. this would happen daily. they would go off into their room crying under the covers and saying they didn't want to talk to anybody ever again. after 1 hour, a peice of candy, and a little love the kids were back up again like nothing had ever happened. they will get stronger. when people are overloaded and stressed out and experience things they haven't experienced before or things they cant handle it normally comes out in their emotions. this is why little kids cry almost everyday when they bump their head or get yelled at. but they will forget about it sooner or later and become stronger. kids are open minded they are always looking for something to occupy their time. they get bored easily and want to do someting fun. they aren't going to sit around for days crying about something that happened......that is boring. they will probably be sad for a little bit then get bored and start doing someting fun again.


when i worked at the daycare kids would get into arguments and fights daily then they would start crying and run to their room and say they didn't want to talk to anyone ever again. if you tried to talk with them they would get mad and turn away from you. then if you tried to tickle them why they are mad they would start screaming leave me alone. if you tried to give them a bottle of milk they would throw it ......this is just there way of getting attention and letting out there anger because they are unsure of how to express there emotions and feelings. i know this one 4 year old that would get mad and cry when he didn't get attention. i would feel bad and try to make him feel better by giving him attention. i would try to tickle him and he would cry louder and turn away from me. i would then try to give him a bottle of strawberry milk. he would throw it and say "no" really loud and sad. i would close the door and leave him alone for 10 minutes until he stopped crying. then i would go back in the room without saying anything and start making funny faces at him. he would try to hold back his laughs and act like he is still mad. i would tickle him then he would act mad and yell "stop". then i would offer him the bottle of strawberry milk and he would throw it. then normally he would start to really cry again but only lightly. i would pick the bottle up and say "fine then if you dont want it then i guess i will drink it.......i even added extra strawberry this time....its going to be good" then i would start drinking from the bottle going "mmmmmmm, this is good. im gonna keep this for myself. now im glad you dont want it" he would then start yelling at me saying he wanted it and begging. i would say "now wait i thought you didn't want the milk.....you only want it now because i want it." then he would start crying because he wanted it and i would say "well i guess if you want it that bad you can have it." he would take it and walk off drinking it and i would tell him i didn't really want it anyway then he would throw it back at me. then i would say "well now your definately not getting it back i think i want it now" he would run back begging for it then i would give it back to him and he would walk off again with and and throw it back at me again. i would pick it up and repeat again "alright this time your not getting it back im gonna drink it" then i would give it back to him. and he would repeat the process. after about the fifth time he would throw it back at me again and i would just say "you know what.....i lost my apetite....you can have it". then he would pick the bottle up and hand it to me and say "no you have it" then he would walk off and i would throw it to him. he would pick it back up and hand it to me again and say "keep it i dont want it....and dont throw it at me" i would throw it at hime anyways and he would start laughing and giggling uncontrollabely. then by this time he would be happy as can be then i would go up and tickle him and make him laugh then we would play a game.


there is a point to this story. this story goes to show how fast a kid can just forget things. sure at first he was sad a balling his eyes out. he didn't want to talk to me or drink the milk. he would keep crying and sooner later that would get boring. so he would stop and find something to occupy his time away from me. then i would go in and try to talk with him again and he would try to act mad at me and fake cry. i would make funny faces at him and those cries would turn partly into laughs and giggles. then i would offer him the milk and he would refuse then i would tell him i am keeping it for myself. he would then demand it back. so i would give it to him and as you read earlier those evernts would take place. this was all just his game. i would just use reverse psychology to get him to take the bottle then use it to get him to give me the bottle and then he would find this as fun and eventually he would just be so occupied by this game that he would forget all about what happened and he would no longer be sad. he would be happy and it would be like it never happened. then i would sit him down and talk with him about why he was so sad. i wouldn't ask him questions. i would tell him how he felt. little kids dont know how to express their feelings. you have to express them for them. what i mean is they want to play follow the leader. they wanna feel understood. for example. if a kid doesn't get to go outside and play with their friends they will most likely bug their parents to death until their parents get to the point where they go off and yell at the kids (like you did your brother) anyway. the kid will go to his room crying and balling his eyes out. he will not want to be talked to most likely and will be sad. but after a while he will cool off and stop crying and get bored at crying they will want to do something fun. but they will still need to resolve their feelings with their parents. so the parents will first try to make them smile and laugh and be happy. thats what i did with the bottle game. if i was to have just did the bottle game and not talked with him about his feelings then he would have kept them inside.....this is not healthy. you should not push feelings like this to the side and not resolve them.....especially with a kid so young. if feelings are not resolved and expressed throughout childhood then it will stick with the child throughout his life (mainly only tell his teenage years but it could be his whole life) this is not healthy. this will result in teenagers who do not have a good relationship with their parents and teenagers who use drugs and feel they cannot talk to their parents. people like this could end up doing a shoot out at school, attempting scuicide, running away, or doing many other regrettable things. it is improtant you mantian a good child parent relationship throughout the entire childhood through teenage years up until they move out. this way the child feels loved and feels as if he can talk to his family and can express his feelings. this is one main reason why kids do drugs and attempt scuicide. but anyways back to the sucject. the parent after allowing the kid to cool off and get happy should then express the kids feelings for the kid then allow the kid to conform them that way the kid feels understood. kids can not express their own feelings. they cannot just sit down and say what they feel then think that there parents understood what they felt. so the parent will then say to the child "you really wanted to play with your friends outside......didn't you" the kid will then say "yeah". the parent will then say "it hurt your feelings when we yelled at you, didn't it" the child will of course say yes. if the child was not allowed to go outside because it had not finished chores or did not eat all its food then the parent would then say "you knew very well that you couldn't go outside if you didn't finish your food or chores" then the parent would say "you know we love and would never mean to hurt your feelings on purpose" then they would tell the kid that they should follow the rules and the kid would feel better. now sometimes it is better to takl with the kid before allowing him to cool off and get happy. because by then he will not have all his feelings inside him. it is also important that the child doesn't feel dominated and feel like he is the victim. you should not use harsh tone when talking with him. it is important you do not tower him and make him feel totally dominated and controlled but at the same time he should no he was in the wrong......this is all just examples though. i am not saying that any of the above situation could be put in close comparison with your situation. i am just giveing examples of real life situations and how to create a good environment for your brother so you can explain just what happened to him then express his feelings for him.


your conversation should include the importance of the project you were working on. it should include why you acted the way you did. you should also tell him that you had never meant to hurt him and make him cry. you should express his obvious feelings for him and have him confirm those feelings. obviously. he was scared, sad, felt unloved at the time, he was wanting attention, possibly he was bored, he wanted to spend time with you. i am unsure of the details of your relationship. but if things like this are uncommon between the two of you (and i assume they are considering how bad you feel which is evidenced by the details of your question and your topic title) then he will no that it was not meant to happen. you should not ask questions about how he felt but tell him his own feelings and have him confirm them by a nod or by silence. most kids will be quiet if it is something that happened that was uncommon and never happened before. but im sure you get the idea and can make this work.

yes. he will forgive you.

Answer 2

Hey, Super Sport-----calm the hell down !!!
Look, there are days that the world just simply slams you !!!
They're going to happen !! They happen to everyone and when they do--everything just seems to be ALL WRONG !! But, then the next day or two or three happen---and things are not near so bad as they were !!!
Everything is going to be just fine-- unless you decide that this craziness is what you want to hang onto ---- if not--- then simply turn loose of it !!

Your brother is 5---he will wake up in a brand new world tomorrow morning and it is more than likely going to be a world that has an absolutely clean slate--- it is doubtful that he'll even remember the incident at all !! My two sisters and I use to actually have fist fights while I was growing up and we still would go to the gallows for one another tomorrow if it came to that---so-- you haven't ended the world for the two of you over this little THANG that has happened !!!

As far as the school work is concerned---you need to simply fess up to the teacher about what has transpired here and plead for an opportunity to get it all straightened out--- I'll bet you'll find that by "coming clean" about it all--- the teacher will work something out with you that will put it all back on track in no time !! But, if you try to dodge the thing-- the heavy hand of justice will desend on you and you'll probably reap a ton of trouble trying to get around it all !!!

Now -- repeat after me
I am not a bad person
I am just having a VERY bad day
I have people that love me
I will get through this and be the super gal that I know I can be !!

Now, go get a soda---make some notes to restart your paper and then --- get some sleep--- your gonna need to be rested to face that teacher tomorrow and get this all straightened out !!!
Good Luck to you---from a old dude in Texas that knows you're gonna be just fine !!!!

Answer 3

OK, you know you goofed, so lets move on from there.

1. Little bro will get over this in, like, 2 hours. Big deal. He is your brother, not 'your everything'. Give him a hug and a kiss and an apology, then shoo him away and lock your door.

2. Get the project done. Take a hit on a late if the extra time will help your grade (if the paper is mediocre in the first place, just grit your teeth and turn it in.) Ask your folks for help getting it done- being sure to apologize for your fault in this and taking your share of the blame. Does your mom type fast? Get her to take dictation while your dad is doing the citations or research or something.

This IS a big deal, and you need to get your life in order. Don't let this happen again. I know you are a senior, but this is a terrible pattern for college and life in general.

Answer 4

Well you are not a bad person if you have this much conern for your brother. You have been under a lot of pressure. Just take this as an important learning experience and move on. Also remember from now on to save your work OFTEN!!! I know because I did the same thing. Now I save every few minutes cuz I am so paranoid! You can rewrite the paper. If you wrote it once you will still remember a lot of it. Jsut tell your brother your sorry. You can take him out for a treat or something to make it up to him. belive me., life goes on and this really is not going to make a huge difference in the long run. It is OK. You will be fine. You are a good brother.

Answer 5

Wow, you need to calm down. What you did was not so horrible that you should hate yourself. There comes a time in all of us, when the stress builds and builds, until it bursts. Talk to him, apologize, and try to spend a whole day with him. Do the things he likes to do. But let him know, that when you are doing something important, that you need some time alone. He is only 5, I doubt he will hold a grudge, and never forgive you. It'll be okay. If this research paper determines your eligibility to graduate, you need to do it. But you need to talk to your brother first. Take him out for ice cream or something.

Answer 6

OK, here goes. I forgive you. Your brother will eventually in a very short time forgive too. He will totally forget about it. But mainly you need to forgive yourself.
Already you have figured out that it is imperative that you need P-n-Q to work on your paper, so my suggestion is to go to the library or something very quiet where you know you will not any interruptions.
Then, once you have no stress over the paper or classes, do yourself a favor, as along with your brother and take him to get him for some ice cream or go to the park and play. Something simple. Make time with just the two of you. The two of you will enjoy that very much.
Good luck

Answer 7

Relax, It's important you calm yourself then go and make up with your little bro. It will make him feel better , and also make you at peace so you can concentrate on your paper. Go get him something he likes, like a glass of chocolate milk, for example and go in there with a smile and calm voice and tell him how sorry you are for yelling,and reinforce how much he means to you. Maybe read him a comic book for a couple of minutes to show him your not mad. He'll sleep better and so will you. Be happy , everyone makes mistakes, it's those we don't correct that are the bad ones. He loves you too.

Answer 8

First off, apologise to your little brother, but at the same time make it very clear to him that he is not to interrupt you when you tell him not to. Promise that if he follows this simple rule, that you'll spend more time with him when you can. Secondly, you have just experienced what we old folk call "learning the hard way". You need to back up your computer work frequently - like every five minutes. All it takes is one click, once you've set up the file to save it to. Third, now take a deep breath and get back to your life. You know what to do and how to do it, don't you?

Answer 9

He still loves you. The important thing is you realized what happened - you lost it - we all do at times. Hey, go hug your baby brother and let him know what happened. Tell him you were wrong and you still love him. ... maybe he can help you to clean up a little in your room (and give him that piece of gum)... get a couple of smiles and then restart your work with a new state of mind!

I don't hate you! And you're NOT a horrible person.

Answer 10

Don't get upset and hate yourself! Things like that WILL happen in everyone's life. Try taking lots of deep breaths and calming yourself, like with music (soft, peaceful music) or with a book. Then after you feel better, talk to your brother and explain to him that you never meant to hurt him. Maybe you could imagine scenerios he might have. Tell him "sorry" and SHOW him that you love him. Give him something he likes and promise to spend time with him AFTER you finish your paper. To make him feel better, try making him laugh with a funny story. (Do something a 5-year-old would like...) Also, ask your mom if she can watch him while you finish your paper, because if it's that important, you still need to finish it. That's really all I can tell you, seeing as I've never actually experienced feeling like this (I'm the younger sibling), so best of luck and hope something helps!

Answer 11

Please do not be so hard on yourself dear Heart. You were tired and under pressure. This happen when we are trying so hard to do something and we get frustrated because things do not go as we would like them to. You love your brother and I'm sure he loves you. Try to show him extra care and apologize to him for acting that way with him. Kids are very forgiving. All he needs right now is LOVE dear heart. And you need it too! Do not hate yourself for that. You are human and already realized you did not do right. Forgive yourself. ( that's difficult sometimes, but not impossile ) Try to take it easy for a couple of days.

Let go, and let God as they say. No, I'm not a preacher. This happens to me sometimes too so I understand.
Good luck in your research paper. You will do just fine!