How to cope with my fellings about it?

Question

I live with my family around Chicago in subs. She has just got new job as cleaning apartments in Chicago. Today it was her first day. As it appeared, she was cleaning some room where live two gays. I don't know whether it was in boystown, or just randomly. When she came home she made negative comments about generaly gays, and also something bothered her about Greeks. She concluded that the whole world is getting invert.
We come from Poland, country where is there still high level of homophobia and where Catholic Church dominates much more than in any other catholic countries. In fact I am gay too, and what whatever is negative about homosexuality makes me uncomfortable. (and of course calling world evil, kinda very unreal, not logical). And also she wants me to still attend church, even by myself, but I do not want to. Still living with parents. IF I get a job that provides me free housing on campus wanna move out. (she not pleased about this when she hears that). I feel like lion

in golden cage. I feel insecure in my own house. I do not have friens, and I try to make them, but it is hard. And I had once friends before I moved to Chicago. Sometimes I feel great depression. Feel very unhappy. What should I do? What about my mother? You know I still love her, but I still I would be afraid to come out.

well I am gay. I feel physical sexual attractions to men. Not to as much to girls as to men, but it wouldn't bother me to go on date with a girl.

thanks Getoutalive. Great advice. Others any other suggestions ?

if I ever felt sexually aroused with girl, then I would consider myself straight or be. But I feel only this way with guys. So from that I consider myself gay. Of course it doesn't mean I am 100% gay. Like also with bisexuality there is no guarantee 50% like men and 50% like women.

Answer 1

I'm from Chicago. I lived in Edgewater Beach for many years. I know people like your family. Very nice people.

First, your mom. Love her, forgive her. She is old school/old country. She probably won't change, but I'm sure that she'll always love you. But don't tell her now. It serves no purpose. You are under no obligation to disclose your sexuality to anybody, ever.

About you....take the EL down to boystown and spend some time at Caribou Coffee or hang out at Unabridged Bookstore, both on Broadway. You'll feel better about yourself quick. Try to make some gay friends.

It sounds like you're 18 or so. The world is about to open up. Don't tell your parents that you're gay...not yet. They may forbid you from a dorm/living on campus situation. Besides, it's your life, not theirs. Even if you don't get into the live on campus situation, there are gay clubs at all the schools (Maybe not Loyola), so you can make friends, or meet a boyfriend. When that comes to pass, you'll feel 100% better.

I have the same situation around me constantly here where I now live in Mexico. Most of my friends live a "double life". They seem to do okay with it. Take care.....Rob

Answer 2

You sound just like me. I am still living at home with parents, it is a cheap place to live, but sometimes I feel stifled by my close proximity to my home. I feel like I can't branch out and experiment.

For years I've known I was gay but I tried to destroy those feelings. Now I know I can't cover them up, and I am learning to accept myself. Only when I have learned to accept myself can I ask other people to accept me.

I feel very, very depressed sometimes. To see happy couples on the street, public romance... Feel so isolated, like I am on a far away island looking into the rest of society with binoculars.

Do you accept yourself for who you are? Maybe you need time alone for self-acceptance, but don't rush into anything! Become confident in yourself, and then consider coming out to family and others. I have a friend I came out to, and I regret doing it because I have yet to accept my sexuality for myself.

My family makes fun of gays alot, too. Sometimes I wonder if I came out they would still make jokes. They see gays as gays, not as real people I think. If you are a college student, have the means to live on campus, and are willing to do so, I would have to say DO IT!

Answer 3

The negative judgment has been ink or tattoo to most people's mind, especially at the central USA, we can not change people's mind in just one conversation or in just a minute, but we can slowly introduce the real world to them, be patient with people who does not have much contact with gay.
I always believe, religion are for people to find peace, kindness, loving and caring, you did nothing wrong for being gay, you can still go to church to pray for peace and happiness, why not?
I will try to add your name to my yahoo360 (only if I know how to do that), at least I can be your listener (reader).
Love and Peace

Answer 4

one thing I'd do is move out as fast as possible. go to a book store, a coffee house, a club on campus, or a night club in your area. you'll meet people. advertize on a campus bulletin board that you want to move in with a few roomates in an apartment somewhere. get a good job that you know you'll be in for a while. Start dropping hints slowly that you're "not as straight as she might think" and if she loves you then she'll respect your choices.

Answer 5

Most people are simply "ignorant" about gay lives, and as such they feel free to make judgement calls on us. We're perverts, disgusting, unwelcome, molesters, etc., however by coming out and allowing our families and friends to see that the people they have loved all of our lives are gay, they are able to get new opinions! By coming out, you educate them.

By telling them, "Mom, I love you and I hope you love me, I'm the same boy you raised and tried to bring up properly. You've given me the best chances you could. You worked hard so I could have a better life and do things others in my place could not and I thank you for that and will never be able to repay your kindness and love to me. But, you are who you are and you deserve happiness and someone to LOVE. You are a good person and you hope she can love you for who you are, the person she raised you to be."

Usually the people in our lives aren't disappointed IN us, they are disappointed FOR us. Meaning they don't want us to go through name calling, being bashed, hated and other things for things outside our control. Their not disappointed in us, they're just surprised and disappointed (hopefully in the short term) about "choices" they feel we made, when in actuality we HAD NO CHOICE. If possible, try to find a Priest who can speak to her in a positive manner about your situation, if you can.

Good luck.

Answer 6

You are bi-sexual. Homophobia can be a hard thing to change. I wish you well and remember , when you get on your own it is your own life to live anyway you please!

Answer 7

.you are not gay, you just need counseling.