my husband is military - USAF - and he his term is up in dec. '07. he has recently put in to cross train and move us to a base closer to our families. We want this to have our future children raised near family and get a better home. I have told my husband, before we got married, that i would never move overseas. I have a lot of sick people in my family that i need to be here for and i cant be traveling half way around the world to live. Well, two days ago, he got the word that he is eligible for two jobs, one is in the states and the other is overseas for 4 years. He hasnt re-enlisted yet and has the option to get out in december rather than take this job if they give it to him. I hope he gets the job in the states, but i have told him that i refuse to go overseas and if he chooses to go against me and go anyway, then that would be him choosing his career over a family and me. What do you think about this situation??
2007-02-11 12:28:48 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband has promised me for two years that he would never go overseas and he would most definitely get out if he had to go over there. There are jobs available to him if he decides to get out. I asked him earlier today what he would do if they say he has to go overseas and he said he would go get divorce papers drawn up. I was expecting him to say he wanted a future with me. This is why i i say he is choosing his career over me. I never mentioned divorce, he did. He said it was because he knew i would file if he didnt, so he would beat me to it, even though i never mentioned divorce !!
2007-02-11 13:21:09 · update #1
Where is closer to home? What is the job market like for him there? What is his job/career goals? Are you working and can you support the family if he cannot find something once out? This is a tough choice you put in front of him. Yes, you told him you wouldn't move overseas when you got married so you both gambled. He gambled that he wouldn't get assigned overseas. You gambled that he wouldn't get assigned and that if he did, he would walk away from the USAF. What would you do if he didn't have the option to get out in Dec '07? What if he still have several years left of his term and overseas was the only option?
Marriage is compromise, give and take, and a lot more. I think you both should have taken a little more seriously the potential for overseas before you got married. It is a little late for that now.
I feel for you two. I also think it is a little harsh to say that he is choosing his career over a family and you. If you are going to throw that at him, you had better have some alternative options available for him.
2007-02-11 12:59:10 · answer #1 · answered by Margaret K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you two have children now, his consideration weighs heavier for the states side.
Have you ever considered that he might be planning for a stronger resume? A military man either remains as a career officer or have to bow out and find a job. The challenges for the latter are mounting mainly due to cultural differences (military versus commercial). I was not in the military but I really wanted to go overseas when I turned 40 and my wife didn't want to go. I went anyway and the family eventually joined me. We made out ok and the family saw the world that they would not have.
YOu are neither the first nor the last one that a husband goes for a career choice against his wife's wish or choice of location. The stronger you make your stand, the worse it will get.
2007-02-11 13:30:19 · answer #2 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I would not act on these feelings. When you've been with someone for a very long time, especially when you're with only one person since such a young age, it's a "good" or exciting feeling to know that someone else finds you desirable. Sometimes, it then leads a person to wonder about the "what ifs" and then question the last X years they've spent with the person they're currently with. Basically, this other guy and you only hung out/talked/connected during the time both of you were apart from your current relationships- three years went by and nothing. And now, his girlfriend's out of the picture again so he's contacted you on myspace again. I think that's a sign that both of you, or at least you, need to steer away from him. You're married- and with any marriage comes problems or things that annoy or upset or even break our hearts about the person we're with, but to have been together so long and at such a young age is so very rare and special- not something to take for granted or second guess. You two practically grew up together- you have been together for so long and so young when you first got together. It's rare- it's special. When the "passion" is gone with the other guy- what would be left? I don't believe it would even be possible for you and this other man to have what you and your husband have. What you and your husband have sounds like something you and this new guy could never create together.
2016-05-23 23:07:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husbands in the military sweetheart he goes where the job goes.Would you ask your husband to quit a job he likes.Or any job at this time in are slow economy?Every body has old and sick in there family I think your afraid to leave the state and have a little adventure.Think before you say divorce its a sad lonely world out there.
2007-02-11 13:10:00 · answer #4 · answered by miztycal mist 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be more patriotic...you knew from the beginning that he is a soldier........... and the benefits you are getting are great......ask not what a country can do for you........
(but i have told him that i refuse to go overseas and if he chooses to go against me and go anyway, then that would be him choosing his career over a family and me.) sounds like an ultimatum , Hmmmmm...
2007-02-11 12:49:59 · answer #5 · answered by schuschtermat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a dilema.
If it were me, I would stay with my husband. I've been thru divorce and its just hell. It's only 4 years.
Is his intention to make the military his career or get out?
Marriage is all about give and take and sticking together thru it all.
I wish you the best.
2007-02-11 12:37:38 · answer #6 · answered by sisterchristian5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married a man in the military, in the military they go where they are sent period. If you didn't want that kind of life then you should NEVER have married him. What you have basically done is married him under false pretenses. I think YOU are totally wrong.
2007-02-11 15:46:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's not easy... well depends on the pay too...if the one overseas will give him a bigger salary that would be temting but if not he should really settle with the one locally ... and listen to you
good luck ...
2007-02-11 12:49:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋