I have Guardianship of my niece (turns 3 next month). We've had her for over 2 years.?

Question

Now her mother wants her back. There is a court battle and court ordered visits, she is having some behaviors that she didn't have before the visits started. She lies, hurts her babies, potties her pants, please does anyone have any suggestions to get her (and us) through this, we are starting counceling in 2 weeks.

the 3 year old has these behaviors after a visit or when she is anticipating a visit. also after phone calls with her mom.

These visits are 4 hours long, 1 day a week and they are now unsupervised (not my choice).

I should also mention that this is her second child that doesn't live with her, our mother adopted her 5 year old son when he was 3.

Answer 1

I am the grandmother of this child. I adopted her half brother. Some of you have said that her birth mother should have her and be allowed to be a mother. We tried to reunify after DCS took custody of her at 7 weeks. One thing that was not said is that this child was abused by birth mom and was not taken care of. Her brother, that I have, was neglected by birth mom as well. The only reason she is trying to get her back is for the attention that her now husband and his family give to her over the custody battle. Let me also say that I have raised 6 birth children, along with the 5 year old that I've adopted. In addition, I am in the process of adopting twins boys that are 15. I am also a foster parent with placement of another 15 year old. This daughter is an excellent mother and lives for her children. I know that if she thought this child would be taken care of, she would work toward reunification. My granddaughter suffered shaken baby at 7 weeks old, but has minimal effects. She was also near being a child Amber Alert when birth mom took off with her. She took off with her even a 2nd time that made the police involved again. Being in this daughter's custody is where she belongs. She is safe, taken care of, and loved beyond belief. Daughter.... thank you for stepping up for her. I applaud the mother that you are. To the few that have said let mom be mom... just because someone lays down and produces a baby does not make them a mother. A mother is who walks the floors with a child and does all the dirty work.

Answer 2

Makes sure you keep a journal and document everything that seems strange or out of her normal behavior. Make sure to date it. That way you have it to show the counsel and court. It sounds like she is having a hard time, and something just isn't right if she is coming back and doing these things. Make sure you write down any marks she may have if she is having visits unsupervised. Good luck and hugs to your niece. I hope things get better for her. You are doing the right thing by fighting for her, every child needs someone to protect them. Hopefully the counselor can see about making those visits obsolete.

Answer 3

The changes in her behavior are normal for a small child who has experienced so many changes in her lifestyle. She's feeling scared, confused & insecure. Counceling is the best thing possible right now & all of you should reap the benefits within a couple more weeks. Hang in there & continue to show your neice that no matter who takes her on short visits, she'll always come home to those who love her most. Make her feel safe & secure.

Answer 4

OH MY GOD.. I WENT TROUGH THE SAME THING WITH MY NOW DAUGTHER.. ( well my step daughter) you see her mother was allowing bad things happend to her including molestation.. now maybe your niece its not being molested but potty in her clothes is definatly a sign of distress in a child.. my daugher was doing that too specially when she had or knew she was going to have visitations.. you need to tell the counselor this right away... this will stop the visitations make sure you dont speak about the case with your niece.. she will tell the story in her own way and you will get her... bless your heart and your baby..we just won the permanent custody and now our daughter is safe.. good luck to you.. please do not stop the counseling is the only way to get her.good luck again.

Answer 5

Dear " I have guardianship of my niece".

Gosh! I do not even know where to begin. Sounds like she is taking out or acting out on her dolls what she herself has experienced and this is sad. She is so young and cannot speak for herself. I have custody of my grandchild and it was very, very, did I say "very" hard? on both of us.

If you can prove abuse on the mother's part, then you are on your way but this will drive a wedge between the family and hold on tight! If you are truly interested in this child's welfare and want to fight with all your might, then file a police report each and every time she is taken from you. Start keeping a journal as to date, time taken and brought back and in what condition (mentally, physically, etc) Look for bruises on body, take pictures and always put date and time on all your entries.

If you can prove that his mother is only interested in her daughter for financial gains and not interested in child's welfare and or this mother is around an oppressive enviroment, then much better for you and this child.

I stated my process in yr 2000 and I still have my grandchild with me. But I am a tough old bird and am not afraid to say and think how I feel on certain issues that sometimes the legal world does not like. But who cares, these are our children, our future and we must do what it takes to protect them.

Counseling is nice but talking does not resolve issues in court.

Get ready for a long ride on this roller coaster. Do what is necessary to protect this child cause one day, this child will be a child-bearing adult and she will repeat what she sees in her young life. Do you want to see her pregnant at 14 yr old?

God Bless,
Signed
Grandma-60



Disclaimer: I, am not a professional in any legal,social,medical fashion. I am simply a grandma who has lived through it and know from experience on what one goes through with issues such as these.

Answer 6

It is a huge adjustment for her. All you can do is be there for her. As for the mother wanting her back if the mother has cleaned up her life and is capable of taking care of her child there should be no court battle, If she has not then agree to supervised visits she has the right to see her child wheather you want her to or not!

Answer 7

continuously trust your husband first. Then manage the breaking of the trust. regrettably, there is continuously 2 aspects to a relationship. he's mendacity to you and, extra importantly, not being thoroughly open. Why? what's preventing him from being thoroughly open? what's preventing him from telling you that he made a mistake in calling this woman? Why won't be able to he admit to YOU that he made a mistake? this may be your reaction and treatment of him even as he does. He may have a lack of communication situation yet communication is twofold. someone ought to obtain. allow this incident flow. that's only a subject not the surely situation.

Answer 8

you need to do whatever it takes to protect that child. She knows YOU more than her own mother. I see it all the time ! My friends are grandmas taking care of their grandchildren, because mama's out whoring and doing drugs. I have one friend in particular, that it's probably a blessing that she's taking care of the premature infant...nursing it back to health, and when Mom comes to pick up the baby, she's back in a few hours dropping the baby off again ! There's a bunch of sorry a** bi*ches out there right now. You protect that innocent, little child.

Answer 9

That is a shame but the little girl was given to you for a reason so fight as much as possible you also need to have that little girl have controlled visits with her mom so they are not alone she is surely messing with that childs head. lol

Answer 10

Obviously, this is very stressful for the little girl. Talk to the counselor and your lawyer as soon as possible. The welfare of the child should come first. In the meantime, do everything you can to make her feel secure.