Please someone help, I need advise?I went thru a pretty hurtful breakup. When I was with my ex, he seemed?

Question

very caring and loving, but suffered from depression or so it seemed. He layed the big suicide threats on me. He wanted to die, and when I told him he needed prof help, he declined and only wanted my help. There were times he would tell me he couldnt take it anymore, if I called the police he would go through it hang up on me. So, I stood by him and tried my best to help him even when I found out he had a one night stand pregnant before we met. I helped him accept it, only for him to leave to be with the mother of his child. But whats worst was the way he did it, he was really cold. It hurt very much and I called him crying alot. Well, i found out some lies he made and called him to confront me, but left a voice mail. I then recieved an email telling me that he would file a complaint against me if I continued to call him and also, if I need help to see a pychologist:(I couldnt believe it, that he could say this to me. After all I did for him and now I am feeling the effects of it

I hust hate knowing that this is someone that can so cruel. I cry alotttt about this. Just knowing that the once guy I loved turned out to be a horrible person. Anyhow, how do I cope? I know I need to let it go, but this guy used me, took full advantage of me only to treat me horribly. Ironically, I am in therapy, never have before and because of him. I hate that he has done this to me.

Answer 1

it seems very likely he was not truly suicidal, but enjoyed the sympathy he got out of the threats; suicidal people usually won't tell people they're suicidal; i speculate you must be a sympathetic and forgiving person; while sympathy and being forgiving are virtuous themself, it can cause others to exploit them; this isn't the first time you two have had relationship problems i'm guessing; he probably likes drama in his life, the best thing to do is to leave him alone; he might expect more sympathy, and when he doesn't get it, he'll come back and beg you to forgive him; or, he might not come back, in which case it is for the better, given that he treated you bad

if he doesn't come back, you may start to feel that 'i love him but i hate him' thing; it's important to understand, if you're one of these people, that you don't truly love this person, you're just upset and hurt that someone would treat you like you're inferior, if he did come back while you were feeling that way, you would probably be angry at him for making you feel bad

Answer 2

He probably has some problems, and HE does need to get help but only he can do that for himself or he will never get better. You can only help a person so much until they have to take responsibility for their life and get themselves help. It's a good thing you are not together.

"I hust hate knowing that this is someone that can so cruel. I cry alotttt about this. Just knowing that the once guy I loved turned out to be a horrible person. Anyhow, how do I cope? I know I need to let it go, but this guy used me, took full advantage of me only to treat me horribly. Ironically, I am in therapy, never have before and because of him. I hate that he has done this to me."

You should stop crying about it and be happy you are not with him anymore! Trust me, if you had stayed with him it would have been worst. He is out of your life now, and now you can find a guy who will actually love you and take care of you. You are in therapy so that is a good thing, it will help you get over it and you can move on faster.

I hope this helps!

Answer 3

The best thing for you to do right now is to continue going to therapy- but it is not about him, make a clean break and start over. Before you get into another relationship- figureo ut what it was that got you involved with this kind of guy in the first place. It did not just happen- there were signs all along the way that he has an abusive personality- he was obviously very deceptive , manipulating and controlling. The "suicide" threats were no more than an effort to control you and keep you from standing on your own two feet. The relationship and his behavior is not your fault, but there is something in you that caused you to allow yourself to fall prey to this and think that it was okay for you to be treated like this. Until a woman figures out what that is and resolves it and learns how to have a healthy relationship she will either go from one abusive relationship to another or she will wind up bitter, vindictive and the abuser- you don't want to wind up on either side of those extremes.
I am seeing this same pattern witrh someone I care about very much and have seen it plated out in many relationships. I would venture to say that if oyu stood your ground right now, stopped attempting to make contact and behaved as if you could go on without him and he called you, apologized, said he wasn't himself, pleaded and made you feel he could not go on without you, you would forget real fast how bad it all was and go running right back into the lion's den. As soon as he feels you are outside of his control, he will do whatever it takes to be in control again- using your emotions and your weaknesses as weapons against you.
You need to seek counseling and learn how a healthy relationship functions, then you need to put into practice the skills that make a healthy relationship- you need to move on and though you have invested time and emotion and it does hurt you need to move forward and never look back to this person who has no interest in a healthy relationship, only serving himself.
Don't let your emotions control your decisions- decide- even if it is hard, even if it hurts I am going to move forward and know that though it is tough now , it WILL get easier. Don't seek to appease your tender and unstable emotions now because it will only hurt worse in the long run

Answer 4

Thank you for going for therapy. You will be so happy. Talk openly about your life and what you went through. Sorry but ou allowed yourself to be used and abused. He sounds self centered and you should look at this as a positive road in your life. You sound like someone who would make a positive mate and that person is out there, but don't jump into anything right away

Answer 5

It sounds like he is more manipulative and controlling than depressed. Live and learn I guess. Don't contact him, in fact avoid him.
There are so many others out there who will love you and treat you like a treasured soul-mate. Take some time to heal. And then get out there where Mr. Right can find you. He's already looking and you will know him when he comes along.

Answer 6

Wow. I'm sorry, hunny, that's just terrible. Just stay strong. I know its worthless to tell you to just forget about him, because its gonna be hard after all that. But, next time, try to make the right decision in going out with someone like that. If it were me, I would have just left him after all those suicidal threats! Plus, you should have called the police. It would have been the right thing to do. Anytime someone says "Don't call the police," please call the police!

Answer 7

He has mental problems. Don't let him guilt you into any feelings of responsibility for his behavior or his depression. Run far, far away from this train wreck. It's not your fault, you deserve better. It will hurt, but that will just make the joy of a new and normal relationship in your future that much better.

Answer 8

You need help ! You need to live and learn from this....Put it behind you and move on. You see yourself as a saint for helping him but all you were was a sucker for believing his line of crap.....Make a better life for yourself , you seem to have a big heart and can show compassion for others...This will help you find a better man. Please use your past experiences to make better choices in the future. Don't dwell on the past it will obscure your future...Good Luck and be proud of who you are...Someone will be lucky to get you.

Answer 9

Perhaps some shrink time would help you. You will be able to identify the psychos earlier in the relationship and escape before they suck you in to their games.

Answer 10

exactly u didn't mention what do u need.........but as i pointed out u help him,it needs much longer time him recovers his past mood.... talk to himmmmmmmm