What should i do? Im falling for someone I cant fall for!?

Question

He's my good friend, known him for a year and a half...he told me he loves me, (and i turned him down) and now im starting to fall for him too

BUT - its complicated...i cannot date him because my family would never approve of him...PLUS, i know that if we were an item, we would constantly argue and fight and i dont see it having a future -

also, im not too sure if he DOES love me, because after he told me, he said it was a joke of some sort (but he doesnt make jokes like that at all)

but i get on with him as a friend despit the countless arguments - what shall i do! He's my friend so i cant avoid him - and i dont want to avoid him...i just want to prevent myself from falling in love with him!

Answer 1

DO SPEND YOUR time doing something else. AND ignore him.

Answer 2

Some of the longest relationships ever are the ones that the couple argue all the time. In others and I refer to my own here we argued constantly for 4 years before being married and in the early years of our marriage. Suddenly we weren't anymore, still do now and again but this is almost 40 years on!!! Tell this person you would like to try going out dates with him butyou would like to take it slowlyl. With out reasons do not know why your family would never approve of him. If it is for cultural reasons then I can imagine your difficulty. If for example they think he is 'a bad apple' it would be up to him to prove them wrong if the relationship went ahead. Good luck.

Answer 3

Hello,

(ANS) Despite what your saying, in my opinion friendship is actually "the" best and most fundamental basis for a good relationship with anyone. If your partner isnt your friend you dont have a real relationship (that was point number one). Secondly, arguements are also a normal part of any close relationship. This is how differences are worked through, its often what really brings two people closer.

**It sounds to me that your worrying or giving far too much importance too what other people might think of your choice of a partner/lover. What matters is your happiness NOT what others may or may not think?

**Perhaps he joked about loving you because he was a little embrassed to expose the truth of his deeper feelings for you. To opennly say too someone you love them takes great courage as its not said lightly in my opinion, to say this requires that you allow youreself to be very vulnerable and men often find that hard. So joking over it might be away to hide the vulnerability?

**It sounds to me like you already love him, your just affraid to both admitt as much to each other. Perhaps you need to come clean with him too?

Best Wishes to you, from IR

Answer 4

Hi there,
I think you should think very carefully before starting a relationship with someone who is your friend. You don't seem to have many positives of dating him. Don't avoid him or end your friendship as this will make him feel worse for ever saying anything to you. He would have made out it was a joke to save his embarrassment but he would have meant it. Try to cool it for a little so you can get to grips with how you really feel and then carry on as before. I hope this helps you.
From Sue

Answer 5

well you sound very confused. if you know that it wont work then whats the point in trying because it will end your friendship if it does go wrong. it sounds like your not sure because he told you that he loves, your mind is self consiously thinking you should feel the same but you dont because you have too many doubts. is your friendship more important to you ? if so then stay friends and see how you feel later on in the year. you dont have to love him just because he told you that he loves you, dont feel guilty about not feeling the same. maybe he thought he loved you but realised that it was a mistake!!

Answer 6

honey, i dont really think that you have a choice. youre falling. && if you know him well enough to know that he would never crack a joke saying i love you then hes playing it off. he doesnt want to beleive that you turned him down so he makes a joke out of it. && PLUS, what can your parents really do about you two being together? nothing. you never know whats going to work out or not until you try it. one of my best friendss always said that a guy she met was only going to be a friends because he wasnt her style. she found out quick that she loved him. and theyve been dating for almost half a year. try it. you never know what your missing!

Answer 7

One simple solution to this whole mess. Stay away. Prevent falling in love?? whats up with that.

Answer 8

just stay friends. i'll be honest. i am FRIENDS/ NO SEX with a married man. his wife knows me and i am with a woman but he is a cool guy and he is more communicative than my boyfriend too.{ i have both. } i think of him a lot but we could never work anyway. we are exactly alike. boy WW4! RIGHT SO WE STAY AS WE ARE....

Answer 9

it won't hurt for u to like him and not take your relationship/friendship to another level.wait til he is more mature and doesn't act like a boy but a man.ur life seems like a movie.

Answer 10

Ignore him and keep busy!