I have been married almost 3 yrs now and feel as if i am dying.I married my husband right out of college after two years of dating just about(we took a few breaks in between).Problem is i dont think we knew each other well enough.He turned out to be a very conservative religious person and me well lets just say i am not as religious(still believe in god though) prefering to play by my own rules for the most part.He expected me to turn in to a house wife after a point and get over my career phase and he practically harrassed me into quieting my job 6 months ago.I am an interior designer or decorator who majored in buisneiss and i loved to travel i hate staying at home i feel like my husband expects me to loose who i am?He wants a baby right know i am not ready yet but he keeps putting more pressure on me?I feel guilty for not telling him i am on the pill.Also i am no longer turned on by sex at all and it hurts.Why cant i talk to my hubby i feel so alone?
2007-02-11 08:14:55 · 14 answers · asked by Megan C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have tried talking to him but for the most part he just starts to get angry and yell.I hate fighting so for the most part i admit that i give in and leave him alone.
2007-02-11 08:16:55 · update #1
I was head over heels for him when we married what happened i dont understand?Did i do something wrong?
2007-02-11 08:26:26 · update #2
Just answer me ONE question......Why are you STILL there????
2007-02-11 08:18:51 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You knew he was conservative when you married him, you must have agreed that you wanted kids and be a real wife, not a career wife. You're only someone if you have a career? That's the most selfish BS that I've heard in a long time. Maybe you should start giving your husband half of your passion that you have for your "career" and maybe your marriage wouldn't be so crappy. You must have manipulated him into thinking that you wanted to be a house wife and have kids. Men don't try to change their wives after marriage, it's usually the other way around. He wouldn't have married you if he thought the opposite. You haven't told your husband that you're on the pill? Wow, that's some great communication you guys have going for ya. You feel so alone? How do you think he feels? Ever think about his feelings rather than your own all the time?
2007-02-11 08:44:21 · answer #2 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
it seems that you two are very different and while it is easy to say leave him........I know it is a hard thing
And a Baby would not do anything make make matters worse as well as bringing a innocent child into a relationship that already has very serious issues....... Babies add stress loss of sleep, the level of care and even to the most loving and HAPPY parents it can be a strain o nthe relationship
you do not want to waste your life in an unhappy marriage....
Many ,many people do and it just waste time Life is short and there is someone out there that is on your same level ......
I h ope you have the strenghth to do what is needed .....take good care
2007-02-11 08:32:16 · answer #3 · answered by dreamingone39 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes when you're under a tremendous amount of stress, and you are, then you start looking for the "reason" for your stress. Since they are your husband's parents and he works all the time, you feel like you're "stuck" with them when he's not around. Are there any home nurses you can have come in? Perhaps YOU need to get you and the children out for little excursions to the zoo or museums or picnics, and let the nurse "babysit" your inlaws for a couple of hours, once a week.
2016-03-29 02:29:08 · answer #4 · answered by Shirley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why r u still with him?.... if u leave him ..he will find some one in 2 months flat and marry and have kids in one year .. if u can see that and be fine .. leave him .... go persue ur dreams ( only way to go ) if not then reassess.... its easy to leave and may be 5 yrs down the line u feel it may have been right.. ut looks like u rmarried young and still have not had a chance to live life.. i'd say take a brk .. do ur thing... if he cant take it ... GO for ur dreams.. there are men who r good and uspportive
2007-02-11 08:22:48 · answer #5 · answered by Princess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We tend to stay with people for a long time even when we know the relationship is over to put off the pain of breaking up. You know you're not happy and you can't live your life like that. It's not fair to him that you don't share his values and it's not fair to you that he expects you to give up your life and goals for him. It sounds like things are pretty rough right now and if they don't get better then I would say leave! It will hurt for a while but trust me, a couple months of depression and pain is better than a lifetime of anger and loneliness. You're only hurting yourself here, if you're not happy, get out and find someone that will make you happy:) Be happy with yourself first and foremost:) Good luck.
2007-02-11 13:42:43 · answer #6 · answered by capsgal18 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the only thing you did wrong was trusting a guy that you thought loved all the things that made you you...its not fair for him to deceive you then after marriage make a whole180...whatever you do, dont have a baby until you are ready, its your body and you are the one that will have to carry this baby, go through sickness because of this baby and nurture this baby, if you arent ready and give in to having a baby just for him, you will really hate him!! the problem is, he wants complete control. he has low self esteem and this is why he wants to take you away from all the things you love to do, have you quit working, make you have a baby, turn you into a complete housewife so that you can depend on him completely...dont give up your dependence. you didnt go to college to be forced into being a housewife!! alot of women choose this role and are truly happy but if he's trying to choose it for you, dont do it..find the nerve within yourself to stand up to him, his bark may be worse than his bite. if you continue to give in, he will continue to take control!!
2007-02-11 08:53:09 · answer #7 · answered by huneygrl1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have tried to talk to him. I think the best thing would be to try to talk to him again about it, and if he gets angry and yells leave for a week or so for him to realise what life might be without you.
It seems like you both want different things - and that is keeping you apart. If you can both sort that part out you'll be Ok.
2007-02-11 08:54:56 · answer #8 · answered by Dobby_Baxter 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is by far a definate reason to get out now while you are young and able to. He is a control freak who will never change and will always be the person he is now. Leave him and live your life as the person YOU want to be not as what he thinks a woman should be for him and his own special ordered bride should be.
2007-02-11 08:26:26 · answer #9 · answered by cdan8ive 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cant change the past, shouldn't of married him, but not being able to talk about such an important issue is definitely a red flag, and if you cant talk about this what will it be like if you have children? My opinion seek counseling if he doesn't want to then this is not worth salvaging....Good Luck!!
2007-02-11 08:45:38 · answer #10 · answered by Renee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have said it on many occasions....marriage is a PARTNERSHIP.....NOT a dictatorship. If he is NOT willing to treat you as his "best friend and partner" then you have nothing. At least you have no children yet to deal with....my opinion....if he is unwilling to "Talk" about this and only gets annoyed when you bring up your feelings then I am afraid he does not think that much of you....and you mind as well move on and find someone else to share your life and dreams with.
Best of luck
2007-02-11 08:35:44 · answer #11 · answered by oldman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋