what would you do if you found out your spouse was having an affair ?

Question

ive just found out about my wife !!

Answer 1

If you still love your wife and want the marriage to continue, you will have to find a way to forgive her. Confront her about the affair, ask her why it happened, and how. Tell her you want to know the reasons, so that you can make sure it doesn`t happen again. A marriage can survive an affair and be stronger for it. It can be a wake up call to kick start the marriage again.

Answer 2

That's a very hard question. I had an affair some years back and it was completely out of character for me and it has not once occurred to me to do it again since and I never would. My hubby was being cold to me & I was hurting. I was desperate for someone to love me and I wanted that person to be my husband but someone turned up just at the point where I had an emotional vacancy. My feelings for my husband were not any less the entire time - which is a very odd feeling. The person I had an affair with had been a good friend at work for a couple of years. It lasted a few months and then it was over - so to reassure you, just cos it's happened once, it doesn't mean it will again and it does not necesarily mean that your wife's feelings towards you have changed. I know you're hurting now, so God bless and I wish you both good luck.

Answer 3

First of all, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. My husband has not cheated on me but I have wondered what I would do if I found out he did.
I think that you need to tell her that you know. I know it's probably killing you, but try not to be confrontational. You need to answer these questions together: Is there something to salvage from our marriage? Is there a way for us to learn to trust again and create a new and beautiful relationship? You both have to be on the same page, but it can be done. Consider couples therapy.
I have a friend whose fiance cheated on her. They had a really hard time and they were both in a bad way emotionally for quite a while. But they worked through it. They have been together for 3 years since the infidelity and they married about 6 months ago. They are stronger than they were before because they worked together to make their relationship survive.
My prayers are with you!

Answer 4

Confront him.
If he try to denies completely about it, he still love you and he does not want to loose you, if this is the case make him suffer a little but fight for your marriage this may had been just a fantasy he could not resist but not replace his feelings about you.
On the other hand, he does not denies it or is not feeling bad at all for hes actions he may stop loving you since he start dating some one else, in this case just walk away and look for a better person in your life.
Note, 93% of the times infidelity from men is just an adventure nothing serious brake up his serious relationship. A lack of sex in the relation could be the main problem. try to have sex more often remember a real wife is a Friend, a partner, a lover and ***** for him, do not let any other woman try to replace any of this things or you will be replaced.
It is the true from the eyes man even if you look the things different you must know this. good luck.

Answer 5

I would try to find out what went wrong between us to push the partner into the affair. Was it a one off or a long term thing? I would feel devastated and it would take a long time for trust to come back. I wouldn't divorce my partner. I would give them the space they need. I would always be suspicious though, but do my best not to ruin what we do have. The other person will be well peeved because I would go out of my way not to make life easier for them.

I'm sorry about your problems. I hope; if you both are open with your feelings, can sort this out and end up with a stronger, happier marriage.

Answer 6

I think you need to confront her with the facts. What happens after that depends on the length of time you've been married, the relationship between you & your spouse & if there are children involved. If you can forgive her & she's willing to stop her affair, try counselling. If not, then you will have to consider a divorce. If there are children, always keep the welfare & best interest of the children, your primary concern. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Do you love her? Do you think the relationship is worth your time and effort to TRY to mend? You must first answer these questions. If you love her, sit her down for the old "heart to heart", ask her if she loves you. Find out why she stepped out on you. Did you pay attention to her? Did you give her deserved compliments for her efforts on say, the dinner she cooked you last week? Did you compliment the way she looked yesterday? Women like to hear the "thank you for the dinner, it was great", "wow, I really like that outfit, it looks nice on you", "is that a new perfume your wearing?". Only you know what kind of attention your wife likes in the bedroom. Many women want to cuddle and snuggle, even if there isn't going to be any action. Does she deserve a second chance? Maybe so, but to move forward you must be willing to forgive. You'll never forget but forgiveness must be there. Ask your wife why she stepped out on you, she must be totally honest with you. You deserve that much. Good luck to you in whatever your choice. Whatever, your choice is, you will have good and not so good days.

Answer 8

When I found out my husband was having an affair I played it cool to his face so that I could try to catch him in the act, you know pictures for court to prove adultry. Well, after 2 weeks of trying and no pictures I finally confronted him, but I had my ducks in a row when I did. I had tapped my phone so I had their phone conversations on tape. I pieced a tape together with the "best" stuff I had and went to his work and waited for him to get off and when he got in his vehicle he was very surprised to see me sitting there at 1 am. When he turned his truck on the tape started playing, there wasn't a lot he could say after that. We did work things out and are still together, it has been 6 months and it has been a tough 6 months, and whose to say that it will be ok or not. They say once a cheater always a cheater. I guess time will tell. Best of luck to you, I know it is hard, but keep your head up!

Answer 9

I WOULD HAVE TO DO SOME SERIOUS PRAYING. PRAYING FOR GUIDANCE, UNDERSTANDING, AND PATIENCE. Well, I feel that you have to know all the aspects of the affair....I would have to hear everything....I wouldn't go and get a divorce because you took vows and it doesn't make since to throw in the towel just because things have taken a turn for the worse....Now it depends on like I said what happened...I feel that people are so easy for quit....Me, I would ask God what to do and to give a clear understanding of how or what I should do in this situation....I feel that if you stay together...you should start over and take everything in slowly...I would take the time to rebuild trust in that person...Anybody can make a mistake or whatever but....it just all depends....

Answer 10

Mine did have an affair. I found out and took the decision to forgive. We've now been married for ten years and I'm very happy I didn't castrate him because we've got two beautiful children. The affair has NEVER been mentioned again.

Oh, I've just read your edit. I'm sorry to hear about your wife, it's not easy but only you can decide whether to forgive or not. I won't pretend it was easy for me but I definitely made the right decision.