Even if I offer myself to him he doesn't want to (he says he is too fat, but is not bothered about losing weight) should I have an affair?
We've been married 9yrs
2007-02-11 06:50:56 · 31 answers · asked by sacredsoul59 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can relate to you and am sorry to hear that you have this problem. The problem is more likely the fact that your hubby's self image has created a problem with his sex drive or possibly may have even created a problem so that he is suffering with erectile dysfunction. I would suggest that he should seriously think about talking to a doctor about it.If he has gained a lot of weight. it is possible that he has problems with blood pressure,cholestoralor possibly even Diabetes. These all create problems with the sex drive and the sex abilities. As for whether or not you should have an affair, that is for you alone to decide.My wife has been totally unable to have sex for over 10 years and I made the mistake of wondering on here as to whether I should maybe have a discreet affair and the wise readers on here called me every name that they could think of so I decided that their wisdom comes from many things but definetely not from walking a mile in my shoes. If you want to talk further, then pleaase feel free to either message me or email me. Good luck.
2007-02-11 09:23:22 · answer #1 · answered by nidan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would first ask him what the real problem was...saying he is too fat is a very lame excuse, not a reason. First, make sure there is nothing medically wrong with him and once that is ruled out, then suggest counselling. If he refuses, then perhaps you should suggest a sepraration and/or divorce. Although sex isn't the single most important thing in a loving relationship, still it is extremely important. And if he's not willing to give you the intimacy and closeness that married couples should have, you need to leave him and find someone who will. Good luck to you.
2007-02-11 15:00:10 · answer #2 · answered by Doogie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An affair is not the way to go here, couples counselling/marriage guidance is...along with a hefty dose of communication between the two of you. Always remember the wedding vows you made to each other--don't give up on those nine years just for the sake of a bunk up with a stranger. This is not an insurmountable problem, there ARE things you can do--there is more than enough help out there for you...you just have to seek it out.
2007-02-12 04:34:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off...NO on the affair...if you want to have sex with someone else at least have the decency to divorce him first.
second, some people do have difficulty having sex if they have gained a lot of weight...but as you said, he is not doing anything about losing it.
tell him how you are feeling...thinking about having an affair and all because you DO need sex...see what he thinks and how he feels ... he definitely needs to know your feelings
there are 2 of you who have made a commitment...if you can't work through this one, maybe it is time to say goodbye
only you can decide this
all we can do...those of us out here answering questions...is give you our opinion...and sometimes that (our opinion) is not very good and you should not base your decision on someone else's opinion, but on what you and your husband think is best for the both of you
be cool...
2007-02-11 15:04:04 · answer #4 · answered by CC Babydoll 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's wrong with you!!!??!! He's feeling insecure about himself and how he looks to you. You are asking if you should have an affair? So, he hasn't lost the weight, so what. You could offer encouragement, help him to begin to lose it, start with making him feel secure in your love and caring. Convince him that you want sex with him anyway (this involves more than just "offering yourself " to him).
Do you really love this man? I would think that if you do you wouldn't jump from "we haven't had sex" to "an affair?" in one sentence. Is the sex all that is wrong here?
I'm so disgusted I can't even answer completely. If you can't figure out what's really wrong here then you won't here it form me.
2007-02-11 15:10:44 · answer #5 · answered by Ande 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's depressed about his weight, If you've tried encouraging him and had no luck, give it another go - go all out so you know you've tried your best. Even talk about it if it doesn't work but set a deadline for when it has to have improved by. If you are unhappy and it doesnt change you'd be better to leave than have an affair.
2007-02-11 17:16:12 · answer #6 · answered by Jo Jo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex once in three years is absurd if he has no medical condition that contraindicates sex encounter. Look him in the face and ask what is in you that is turning him off. If he says nothing, ask him if he would like to try the famous blue pill. If he refuses, then it may be safe to conclude that he is trying to frustrate you.
A temporary relief of affair is not worth the pain-- to both of you later when discovered. Why stay with someone you have found does not like emotional conection with you.
2007-02-11 17:00:34 · answer #7 · answered by Tony I 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, whatever you do don't have an affair, you will not feel good about yourself breaking your vows and doing something so trashy. Talk to him, tell him your problems and tell him you need him to work on his weight problem, not just for your sexlife but mostly for his health. I don't like to look at divorce as an option, but if he isn't going to help himself and help you and work on your marriage then you may be better off with out him and with someone that can give you what you need. He may just be so far depressed that he doesn't think he cares. He needs help. You should never cheat on your spouse no matter what though.
2007-02-11 14:57:50 · answer #8 · answered by HereIAm 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
have you told him how you feel about this? he's obviously really insecure about his weight, he may not seem bothered about losing weight but he may feel so depressed by his appearance he may feel that there is no point. maybe you should compliment him on how he looks at random times and get his confidence up a bit, massage his ego. tell him that you feel that HE doesn't find YOU attractive anymore and that's why he won't make love to you! hopefully he'll see that he's hurting you by doing this and come around. but having an affair is NEVER the answer to resolve a relationship problem!
2007-02-11 14:57:08 · answer #9 · answered by William M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must love your Husband very much.
How anyone can have a good marriage without sex is beyond me. You have to sit him down and tell him how you really feel so that he understands.
What ever his problem is you can both work it out together and hopefully you will have a good sex life.
If he inst bothered or refuses to discuss the situation then you have to make a choice. accept the life you have with your Husband or have the courage to move on and call it a day.
Everyone deserves happiness in their lives
2007-02-11 17:04:09 · answer #10 · answered by scottie322 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋