I don't know how to explain this, so just read on?

Question

okay I have this problem where no man is good enough for me exccept this boy I have had a crush on since the fifth grade. and even though He broke my heart, my entire being refuses to let go of him. I am no longer open to thhe new things in life because I believe without him, my life is on hold. I am just waiting for him to come back. I don't know what to do. and the weird thing is that when i am with another boy when I go out, in the morning, i feel guilty and ashamed and empty. all i feel now is angst and i have no passion for anything that is why i don't pusue anything. maybe it is because i didn't pursue him that i feel like i have made the biggest mistake of my lie. i am 19 years old and never had a relationship and for a long time i was fine with that. but now it is getting to me slowly and i feel like i am always going to be alone. no one really knows me and i feel like what is the point bc i would get tired. so what i am trying to say is i feel unfufilled and i don't know why

Answer 1

I don't think your issues are all related to that boy. The fact that you are so tied to something that makes you feel so terrible indicates to me that there is more going on with you. Chances are, your focus on him is purposefully keeping you from taking steps in your life that most people your age would be taking.

Think of it like an alcoholic who can't go out and get a job because they can't imagine going all day without a drink. I'm not saying you're addicted to this boy, but you are putting an awful lot of importance on actions you took when you were still in grade school. And you're life is on hold when it should be just opening up to new and more mature experiences.

I honestly think you should talk to a mental health professional who can help you find the cause of this issue. Perhaps your school or church or community center has resources of this kind. I may be overly concerned, but from the way your question was presented I think you should at least check with a therapist or trusted elder who can evaluate how much your life is effected.

Please, care for yourself and talk to someone. It couldn't hurt.

Best of luck.

Answer 2

First of all, you are ONLY 19, you still have many experiences to go through before you feel like this is the end of the world. It does sound like you are enduring a difficult situation and I do not deny that.

You say you feel guilty for going out with someone else... it is because you are not letting go of this guy. You need to not expect him to come back into your life. When you are able to do that, you will be able to associate with people, and guys, in a way where you don't feel guilty, but you can be yourself and learn to love again.

Trust me, you are going to look back at this time of your life and think what a learning experience it has been for you. It may not seem like that now and you are so down you feel your life will not get better, but don't worry. Everyone goes through that and you will learn. It will be difficult for now, but the first thing you need to do is not expect that boy to walk back into your life.

Answer 3

I believe that you are putting too much emphasis on one incident in your life. You seem to think that since you failed once, you are always going to fail, particularly when it comes to personal relationships.

However, that idea cannot be further from the truth. We all fail. Everyday. We also enjoy the joy and giddiness of complete and unabashed success. But even that success is short lived. The next failure will push that success to the background.

So, we need to understand that success and failure are just small facets of a rich life. We all will experience the depths and heights of emotional trauma and joy.

I suggest that you treat these negative thoughts as life experiences and move on. There is joy and contentment in the present. Live there and you will be happy.

Answer 4

I think you are hanging on to a memory and an associated fantasy to an extreme degree, and you need to work through it and get it out of your system before you can make progress in your life. If the situation is as debilitating as you say, you definitely need to seek help from a professional, and stay with the therapy he/she will prescribe for you until the situation is resolved. Don't expect to do it by yourself, or just with the good-intentioned help from sources like Yahoo! Answers. You need more than that. Please see someone a.s.a.p.

Answer 5

I seems the boy from the fifth grade is still an unresolved issue. Maybe you should meet him again. Then you can found out what it was and if it was really serious. You have to understand what happened there. I think it will help you to move on.

Answer 6

You're lost in an illusion. I've been there. You're like " this isn't how it's supposed to be! We should be together. Just give it more time, it'll happen. It's meant to ".

Yeah, I've wasted 7 years of my life in that same situation. I bet you even have a few things of his near by some where. My advice: burn them. Get all those things out of your life. Get him as far away from you as possible. Young love is the hardest to free yourself from, but it does happen. You have to push him away and find something new.

I'm sorry it's like this, but it's the way it has to be.

Answer 7

I was alone for 14 years & it was all my fault Join a club go to college if you have a mental illness get treatment now!!!