My mother treats me differently than my siblings. I love my mother and my siblings they mean the world to me. I had always tried my level best to be a good daughter but no matter how hard i try to please her I never seem to get her aproval. It hurts me to feel this way. The only thing in life that brings me down and leaves me feeling weak and lonely is my mother's lack of affection towards me. Im not sure if it is normal to feel this way. I sometimes try not to think of it but no matter how hard i try i can never seem to avoid the conflict between the two of us. The outside world respects and think highly about me. Inspite of being known as confident person I suffer from a low self esteem, my mother has her special ways to bring me down. I dislike the way she takes sides when anyone of my siblings & I have a disagreement. I have a great job and I even manage people. But i can't have peace with the one person that matters to me the most. Do I need help
2007-02-11 05:37:27 · 9 answers · asked by julia1975 4 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Some people spend their lives seeking approval from a parent who will never give them the kind or level of approval they seek. This life-long seeking of approval from that one person affects the quality of the seekers' relationships with other people. It also affects the satisfaction the seekers derive from their own accomplishments.
It's quite possible there is absolutely nothing you can say or do to change your mother's actions. If that's the case, why beat your head against the wall?
Do your best to let it go. As an adult, you are responsible for your own feelings and your own sense of accomplishment, your own satisfaction from your life.
Some people find this helpful: Write a letter to your mother. Pour out every resentment and hurt into the letter. Pour out all that you crave from her. Purge yourself in that letter. And then destroy it.
Another helpful thing: Change your script from: "Please let my mother love me like she loves my siblings" to "Please send peace and health to my mother."
You ask: Do I need help? It won't hurt for you to try a course of counseling, and it may help you find your path to peace.
2007-02-11 05:56:28 · answer #1 · answered by Rienzi H 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I understand how you feel. I'm the older sibling and I have a brother that is 3 years younger.I'm 20, he's 17.It feels as though nothing you do, you get enough praise for, or you don't really get noticed for it. She wants me to go to school but since I'm not going( for financial reasons), she seems disappointed in me.
My brother was always spoiled even when my parents were together. He had heart surgery when he was 2, so he is "special". He is the only grandson of one of my grandparents, so he gets "special" treatment. I know how you feel. I have low self esteem as well. My mother use to always take his side in disagreements and he would always get in less trouble than me, she'd let it go.
Some people you just can't please. I feel like I can't talk to my mother when things are bothering me, she just goes into the other room or starts doing something else. I feel as though since I'm not going to school, that I'm not good enough for her.
It's like my friend from work said, it doesn't matter if you go to college or not, it doesn't make you any better or worse than anyone else. He has a degree and is working side by side with me, and I have a hs diploma.
Don't try to please her, you'll just hurt your own feelings.
2007-02-11 13:49:35 · answer #2 · answered by existingtobe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A lot of people who have siblings and try to be a good child suffer from this. It's because she expects you to be the bigger person because you have proven yourself to be. She doesn't understand that you need attention because you have always striven to be the perfect child. You don't need help; you need to tell her about this. Maybe she hasn;t realized that she does this. However, if she replies with something along the lines of open hostility rather than an "I'm sorry," I don't think you should try to get close to her anymore. She's your mother, but that doesn't entitle her to anything she doesn't deserve.
2007-02-11 14:49:11 · answer #3 · answered by Kelly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Julia U can become "whole" & not need external validation 4 self-worth. Build self-esteem in a positive way. IMO profesionals who deal w/ this - Doctors & Therapists, can help. Problems w/ Self-harm? Perfecton or abilit 2 b in the moment? Self-esteem skills, independence, competence & becoming part of society? Ask Dr 4 meds 4 depreson, ADHD U need. Hope this Helps. 'Rents love U & push 2 succeed & leave da "nest." Can feel harsh! R U old-est?
2007-02-11 14:03:00 · answer #4 · answered by PervyRetard 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Generally in a family situation, a parent seems to do what you are describing basically, because that particular child reminds them so much of themselves, that also maybe why you are having the feelings you have also.
I hope you can somehow talk to Mom about this, and clear the air a bit.
The old saying ' you always hurt the one you love' seems appropriate. Keep communications open, it does take two.
good luck
2007-02-11 13:47:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The lack of a mother's love is devestating...just think about it, you were inside of her body for nine months. Realistically, all mothers are not loving, and this is sad. This definately will cause disorders such as low self-esteem, anxiety, etc. You have to find a way to come to grips with this in order for you to function in life and not pass your hurt to others (subconsciencely), especially to your children. Try to find counseling...Ask God to direct you to the right counselor. Best Wishes.
2007-02-11 13:49:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Moms are especially sensitive 2 kids spending more time with. It isn't your fault, we all get into conflict @ times. The outside world respects and think highly about me. Thats good self confidence.
2007-02-11 23:31:51 · answer #7 · answered by loidfish 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
How are u so shure she is your mother (joke)
Maybe your mother is type of person that seems to be good to everyone around but bad to closest people ...and she somehow has power over you to express her "genome"
This is common and you are not the only one...remember when i read everything u said i cant believe its u writing it and not me
2007-02-11 13:42:55 · answer #8 · answered by maecrey11 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She might have higher expectations for you than your siblings. Are you the eldest?
2007-02-11 13:40:59 · answer #9 · answered by Groovy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋