I'm newly separated - Is what I'm feeling normal??

Question

I was with my husband for 10 years. We have 2 kids under the age of 3. He decided to leave us recently because he just wasn't happy and didn't want to seek help or counselling. Today he picked up the kids for the day and all I felt was complete anger and hatred towards him. I really don't even want him seeing the kids as he never had any involvement with them even when we were living together BUT I know, for the children's sake, that they should see him.
Will my feelings of anger and hatred eventually go away??

Answer 1

I am so sorry to hear of you going through this, They will go away, but right now you have every right to feel that way. You are using your head by letting the children go with him. It is not their fault and right now they need to know that both of their parents still love them and care for them. The anger and hatred will fade with time, it is part of the process. just don't let it overcome you, because stuff like that will eat you up. In time you will come to peace with the situation, and be able to have a healthy relationship with someone. And even if you are still a little angry with him in the future you have to be civil with each other for the kids, try not to "bash" him around them. The really do remember things like that. Good luck hon.

Answer 2

I think on top of the anger and hatred, you're feeling betrayed and hurt. I did and my situation was almost the same (he didn't want to go to counseling either).

Go to counseling yourself or even better, go to counseling and do family counseling with the kids. Those kids will be changed forever by a divorce.

And yes, over time, those feelings will go away. You'll eventually remember good times and the anger or hurt won't come up every time you see him.....but this may take a while.

I am so sorry you're going through this. *hugs* You will really need some support from friends and family. Try www.divorcecare.org for support groups and daily emails, etc.

Answer 3

Completely normal. You will likely continue to feel anger and hatred at some level, but if it is too severe and you want to hurt him and start getting the kids involved in war games and continues for a prolonged period, seek counseling.

Answer 4

Please no matter how bad it is, no matter how serious the anger dont and dont ever ever try to separated the kids from the father. From the experience, i just want to tell you, no matter how good and how much you give the love, the children later on, if they grow up , they will blame you if the father doesnt visit them anymore. its all coz of you, that prevent the father.
Try to keep the anger inside you, dnt tell yr children, dont ever talk bad about the father too, if the father is doing it let it be. Coz sooner or later the children knw the best. If you think about the children how they growup, how the mind and thinking involved a lot in their life later on, for sure your anger will despair slowly.

Answer 5

The pain of your marriage ending is too fresh in your mind right now. Eventually the pain and hatred will subside. You just need to give yourself time to get over all that your going through right now. At least he wants to have a relationship with his kids. That is one small blessing for them. They may be young but they realize that there life is changing. To cut their father out of their lives will only come back to haunt you later in a few years. Most men leave without so much as a backward glance at their children.

Answer 6

They say time heals all wounds, and the anger you feel is so justified in your situation. You had a marriage for a long time with children. Except feelings for the next 5 years perhaps. Any one in your situation would perhaps feel angry (and its a lot better than feeling depressed and sad thats for sure). This loss of a marriage is a grieving process. You are working your way through the stages. You will get past the anger, and find someone who deserves you.

Answer 7

You will feel betrayed for a long time, but when blinding anger seethes to the surface, you need to calm yourself by remembering at one time you actually loved this person, and that it will be better for the children to remain civil.

It's hard as hell, and you're gonna be angry all the time. Nobody likes getting the rug yanked from under them. Unfortunately, you can't control the other person, and since you're going to see alot of them via the children eventually you will need to work towards forgiveness.

Answer 8

Divorce is very difficult. You have natural feelings, but, you should be sure the children are not used in any way in seeking "revenge" to your ex. A psychologist once wrote that it takes 1 year, per every four years of marriage, to begin feeling "normal" The end of a marriage is the end of a dream, and, very much a loss that leaves you with many emotions.

Answer 9

HI there, you definitely will. The tasks on hand are to get normal first and gearing yourself up to live life alone with your kids (financial part included). Next to find a good job, next to get into a good hobby and ensuring that the kids are brought up well and to make them independent. Also a few good friends nearby would surely help you. If distance is not a problem, then you can have me as your friend in the virtual world. All the best!

x
tom
[e-mail]

Answer 10

I've read that the opposite of love is indifference. I believe, in time, you will reach that point. Obviously for now, you feel as you do, for the pain he's caused. Your wound is fresh and raw. Once the 'scab' forms and dies off, only the scar will remain. Sometimes anger is a positive to help get you thru the hard times. Normal is merely an opinion.