What to do with 16 year old and absent mother?

Question

I have had custody of her since she was 10, I know that it is natural for a kid to want the acceptance of their mother but now she is wanting to move to her mothers. Mom is NOT a good influence. And She has enough problems already.

I have already to her that I will not permit it because she (my daughter) has no sense of responsibility. I shold note that mom lives across the country and has been residing in a hotel with her now husband for like the last three years. It doesn't seem like a good idea.

I just wonder if I am making a mistake. Should I let her go and see for herself or do I stick to my answer

Answer 1

I feel that the only reason that your daughter would want to go and live with her mother would be because she know that you have set rules and she will get a punishment if she breaks the rules, but she doesn't know that her mom would have similar rules or maybe no rules at all. Being a female, i know that I went through that stage as well. And now that I have lived with my mother for a couple years I have realized that I had it REALLY good at my dads house. No I don't feel like you are making a bad decision, plus the court would not have given you custody if the mother was a responsible person.

Answer 2

Sometimes it is best to let her learn the hard way. She is already 16, if she is going to get into trouble she will do it with you or without you so to speak. If she is a good kid she will see it isn't where she wants/needs to be and will come back.

My parents had a bad divorce when I was young. I lived with my mom & step-dad (very strict but wonderful parents). When I was 14 I went to live with my dad & step-mom...I KNEW I would be so much happier and my mom said the things she said because she was mad and hated him from the divorce. I found out quickly I was WRONG! I asked when I moved in about the rules...(at 14 mind you) my rules were don't come home falling down drunk (they didn't care if I drank) and if I was going to be out past midnight call to tell them where I was & who I was with (otherwise it was all fair game). At 14 I could see the insanity in the situation. I wound up cleaning the house, doing all the laundry and cooking dinner every night (nobody else wanted to and they were too happy to let me do it). I wound up most weekends watching my step & half sisters while my parents went out with their friends (they now had a live-in sitter). I got the girls up, dressed for school, made their lunches and got them on the bus every day. I went to school, maintained my grades and held a job. I did it because I was a responsible kid, that is just who I was...I didn't start skipping school, drinking or having sex.

Your daughter needs to see things for herself. Hopefully she will see quickly and come back to you. If you hold her here she will still go as soon as she can and resent you for holding her back. It isn't easy for a parent, but some things have to be learned the hard way. Good luck to both of you.

Answer 3

i do thiink u r making the right desition but u should let her see what is her mother like maybe that would be a wake up call. but really u should let her see her mom, u know just for a few hours or a day or 2

Answer 4

It is hard, but sometime they need to learn the hard way.
She may feel that your resentment to your ex is why she can not be with her mother.
But you are the father, you do know what is best for her.
Try being their for her and do not bring your resentment for your failed marriage into your relationship with your daughter.

Answer 5

well i wouldnt because of the circumstances but maybe she jus wants to see her mom?

Answer 6

I think you should NOT let her.