My Husband vs My Parents?

Question

My parents do not like my husband. They want nothing to do with him. We have 2 kids: 8 month old son and 2 year old daughter. I've made big mistakes in my life but they can't seem to get over them. They rarely call or visit. This hurts me. They only live 10 minutes away. My husband says to stop contact with them. But I love my parents. What should I do? They are not willing to change.

Answer 1

My family did that to me, they didn't like my wife because she was blind. I quit talking to them. If they'd call I'd be sociable to them but I wouldn't go out of my way for them. Your first responsibility is to your husband and children.

"A man shall leave his mother, and a woman leave her home.
They shall travel on to where the two shall be as one"

Answer 2

do your parents have serious reasons to not like your husband? did they voice their objections before the marriage?

(remember the line, "speak now or forever hold your peace"?)

If your husband abuses you in any way (verbally, emotionally, physically) I would see why they wouldn't like him. But if their reasons aren't justified by anything, you'll have to deal with the fact that your parents are choosing to withdraw themselves from your life. When you got married, you made a committment to each other and it sounds like you and your husband have 2 great kids together. It would really hurt to NOT see your parents, but you know, if you do stop contacting them, except for sending cards/gifts on special occasions (through the mail) then they MAY just come back around. In most cases, parents will SO WANT to be grandparents and they WILL come around after a while.

Find friends who will love you and your family for who you are and not for the past mistakes. This will make your life fuller even if your parents decide not to keep contact. Trust me, they'll regret it in the long run.

But, that would be a really hard choice to make. *hugs* I wish you all of the best. Follow whatever you feel is right and that will always be the right decision.

Answer 3

The question is: WHY don't they like him? If they have reason, it's probably hard to get over your negative history together. If they don't really have a good reason, then they have a serious problem and need to know how much it hurts you as soon as possible. They should know regardless of what the reason. If they can't accept it even if you are happy, they are missing out on a lot. They will miss out on a relationship with their grandchildren and with you. As a parents, you cannot expect your children to do exactly what you want them to do with their lives and to do so would be foolish. That's where unconditional love comes in. They may refuse to change, even though in doing so they lose you in their lives but they are totally wrong.

Answer 4

You keep the door open, but with the firm stance that they act respectfully towards your husband and children. Then stand your ground. If they act disrespectfully toward your husband or kids, then just tell them that you expect them to behave better, and until they can, stay away. I understand you love your parents, but that doesn't mean you should accept bad behavior from them, especially the type that is controlling and harmful toward you or your family. Also, what does liking your husband have to do with the mistakes you've made? It sounds like there are a couple of different things going on here. Your best bet is to act respectfully, politely, and do not be baited into acting otherwise.

Answer 5

Parents are blood and it could be difficult to choose between them and your husband. You might be torn between that biological bond and marriage. But Parents should be forgiving - in many instances without children asking for it.

Your husband should also not make matter worse for you by advising that you should cut them out. It can happen but that won't help you emotionally.

Maybe you should call your parents and tell them that you would like them to have their grandchildren visit them - i.e taking the children to them for a visit some of the time. You should not stay with them, just drop and fetch them as arranged. You should tell your parents that you don't want your children to grow not appreciating them as their grandparents. You should also tell your parents that your decision to let them have the kids, if they so wish, is to keep your relationship alive. They might have a problem with you and your husband but a fact remains that they do have grandchildren who are your children. Many children don't have grandparents and you don't wish your children to miss their warmth!

This way, you would not physically be with them, but your children would be and to a large extent you would feel better. It could take a lifetime to sort out your problems. All the same, Good Luck!!!!

Answer 6

I am sorry your dealing with such a conundrum. Sometimes Love isn't quite enough to make all the bumps in the road smooth or the boogie men to go away at night. It is sad that prejudice and narrow minds seems to be alive and well and we have the technology to change them. And equally as sad is... You cant drag them kicking and screaming to see a Shrink or a Counsellor.

Let me share with you something. I have been alone now for a very long time. Due to the attitudes of my children and my original family. It was like my parents and children's values or lack of was skipped in me but exist in them. They take take take and Judas me. Then alienate me for years on in when I wont cave into their pressures. And if I do they seem to respect me even less.

Dear questioner... Sometimes you need to swallow that love you feel for your family and just let it bottle up and do absolutely nothing. Talking to professionals cost money and don't solve the problem. Talking to your family seems to have you blue in the face. And your hubby seems less than supportive.

There is just no easy fix for this. And probably never will.

Answer 7

Your parents are the ones that lose. Never choose parents over your husband. If they can't accept him, do not take the grand children to see them without him. If they don't forgive, then they lose out. You can't make them change. You be the best parent and wife you can. You send your parents anniversary,birthday,Christmas,etc. cards. If they come around, fine. If not, oh well for them! Don't beg them or anything. You love them. If while you are talking to them, they disrespect your husband, you tell them you do not appreciate it. If they do it again, tell them that you will not continue the conversation and hang up the phone.

Answer 8

I am sure that your parents love you and eventually what ever wound has come between you will heal. They ultimately have to understand that your commitment to your husband has to come first. He is the father of their grandchildren and the person that you have chosen as your partner in life. These things alone should afford him some level of respect from them.

Write them a letter tell them how you feel, tell them how important it is for them to have a relationship with their grand kids. Apologies only for what ever you've done to hurt them but make no apologies for the person you love. Once you send the letter give them time to respond.

Lastly your husband feels threatened by their dislike of him, and he also sees the pain it causes you. He is telling you to cut off contact as a means to protect his family. Don't judge him to harshly. But he is wrong to ask you and his children to cut off ties with your parents. Explain this to him he'll come around!

Answer 9

My Husband vs My Parents?

Answer 10

Your parents raised you to become an adult and make your own choices. You have chosen this man to be your mate and the father to your children. As you said, your parents aren't willing to change, they are the ones losing out. Let them know that you still love them, that they are welcome to visit and leave it at that and get on with your life. You have left the door open, now it's their choice to walk through it or not.

Answer 11

Your mom and father money is theirs, no longer yours. you're not any further entitled to it and fairly frankly your husband has no actual to assume some thing from them. It grow to be very impressive of your mom and father to furnish you that personal loan, maximum persons do no longer have the monetary company of mom and dad even to borrow. be thankful for what you've and do not assume anybody else to attend to you. so some distance as operating for them, deal with it like all different interest, when you're not any further making sufficient money OR the convenience equipment isn't on your liking then ,flow on yet, discover yet another interest first. in this market think ofyou've got difficulty and also you do not prefer to shoot your self fin the foot. do no longer go away on undesirable words and do not use this with the purpose to spite your mom and father. You not in any respect prefer to burn those bridges. You and your husband want to augment up and comprehend that the international isn't elementary and also you want to furnish for yourselves. it is a blessing in itself that you both have mom and father and they are keen that can help you of their personal particular approaches.