My Ex wants me back, I don't know what to do. Help!?

Question

I've been divorced for 2 years and have only just recently started talking to my ex-husband again. He has been to my house this morning and announced he has accepted a job in Leeds which is hundreds of miles from where I live. He has asked me if we can try again for the sake of our children and I can't decide what to do. When he moves the children will hardly ever see him and I have always wanted them to have as much contact as possible with their father. What makes the situation even more difficult is that I have recently met a lovely man who wants to take me out. If I'm honest I still love my ex and moving with him would be the right decision but I just can't get this other man out of my head.

I threw my husband out because he cheated on me. He only cheated once and I have forgiven him.

Answer 1

Yes, I understand that it must be hard.
But if you obviously still love him, and he loves you, then I suspect it won't just be for the sake of the children.
And take it from a divorcee, if you were given the chance to do things differently, you might want to.
So, I would give a go if I were you. Provided you two really want to make it work.
The fact is, you feel like you are missing on something.
But, having a fling, is hardly going to make you happy; And it's definitely worse asking yourself if it might have worked with your husband than with that man you hardly know.
I do not love my husband any more.
But, I must say that being a single mum is hardly fun everyday.
Every relationship does have their ups and down.
You sometimes only realises the true value of something after losing it or coming near to lose it.
It will take some time to get things back to normal, and they might never be like before. But this is what you want isn't it: not ever being taken for granted again. Appreciate each other. Your true values. A new start; A new chance to get things right.
Good luck with whatever decision you make.
It's bound to be difficult.xxx

Answer 2

I think that the answer to this question lies in your statement near the end which says that you have recently met a lovely man! You cannot live your life for your children,when they grow up they will live their own lives whether you are happy with someone or not.Let your ex move away on his own! You move on and go out with this new man and see what develops from there.There's much to be said for "better the devil you know" but it does seem strange that this "devil" wants you back when you've just met someone else doesn't it? If your ex moves hundreds of miles away the children can still see their dad, public transport can be very reliable you know.You could even let them stay with him in the school holidays, then you could have a bit of a life yourself! The fact that you need to ask what to do tells me that you are unsure , and if you are unsure, you shouldn't be giving up everything else to move away with an ex who cheated on you in the first place! Good luck, and i hope you make the right decision for YOU!

Answer 3

I think the key words here are "for the sake of the children" and although that may sound as if I'm suggesting you ought to go back to him, I am not. It's crucial for the marriage to be a success in its own right, for the children to gain any benefit from it. If you are principally getting back together for the children's sake, the attempt is doomed and you may as well not bother. If you didn't have the children, would the two of you want to get back together? If the answer is no, then forget about it and stick with the lovely new man.

And don't forget it's been a couple of years since you last spoke to your ex. You've managed up till now and it may turn out to be more traumatic for all of you, including the children, to put yourselves through the stress of getting back with him and trying to make a go of it, perhaps only to see it all fall apart again. Children are born of relationships, not the other way round. I do wish you and your children good luck. Your ex has chosen to move to Leeds - that will mean the children will see less of him but it should be possible to ensure that they do still see him. He of course will have to make the effort to travel to see them, especially as the decision to move away was his.

Answer 4

I too had 3 children when I found out my husband cheated. We separated for a year. The entire time we were separated he tried everything to win me back. Finally I relented. We got back together and went to counseling. We had "fun dates", we took vacations and romantic trips.
After about 2 years, I realized he was still the same person that I had chose to separate from. I could never get the feelings back that were necessary to make it work.
It's a tough decision. The fact that a lovely man wants to take you out shouldn't play a role in your decision. Since you don't know him, realize he's on his best behavior.
This is a huge decision. Your children should be an important part of your decision, but unless you and the ex are 100% committed to making it work, it most likely won't. If he hurt you enough for you to divorce him, it's going to take a lot from him to make it right.
Ask yourself: Is he a great dad? Is he willing to put in the time necessary for you to completely heal? Will you both be able to put past hurts in the past? and most importantly, DO YOU LOVE HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART?
Good luck to you. If you decide to go back with him, don't expect it to be easy. It will take a lot of work but if it succeeds, you all will benefit from it.

Answer 5

Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/q3oea

Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.

The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.

Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.

Answer 6

Once that he got caught. I'm sorry, but what if you pick up, pack up, and move away only to catch him again? I suppose only you can decide. I wouldnt worry about the effect on the kids so much as a factor in your decision, this is your life and he is the one chosing to move away, perhaps just to get a stir out of you. My ex tried to pull the same crap, it's was a control issue. I refused to give him back control of my life and I am all the happier for it. Good luck to you no matter what you decide.

Answer 7

Why did you divorce in the first place? Do not move back for the sake of the children move back for yourself. The children will leave home and you will be left with this man. Move back with him for the right reasons and whatever made you divorce him needs to be clear before you jump in. with the other man it does not matter now resolve this situation with your ex before you consider this other man. I wish you all the best.

Answer 8

You need to see this other man, and let your ex-husband move without you and the children. If he's a good man and a good father, he can do that from Leeds.

If he's serious about wanting to get back with you, he'll court you even from afar.

You divorced him for a good reason, and he needs to win you back. In the interim, you need to date and meet other people. You may find he really was the one you wanted, and you may find there's someone better out there.

Answer 9

Tricky. First, why did you divorce? Will the problems that caused the divorce surface again if you got back together? You said you love him still but does he still love you? You wouldn't want to re marry him when he has fallen out of love. Sure it would be nice to do this for your children. But you should really think if it is going to work out.

As for the other guy- you can date him and find out. He may be very nice or not. No matter what you do, do what's the best for you and your children.

Answer 10

I had a similar situation when I was younger. We weren't married and there were no children involved, but I had to make that choice. We had broken up and I had started to see someone else (very early stages). He then started to contact me and asked to try again. Asmuch as I liked the new guy, and admitadly, still think of him sometimes, I felt that I owed it to the both of us to give things another go. Otherwise you may spend your whole life wondering 'what if'?
I got back togther with my bloke and in time we did split up again, but I know I would have always wondered had I not given it a try.
You have the chance to start again, new home, new start. I'd say give it another go if you still love him and see where it takes you