how can I build my self esteem back up?

Question

Drama has never been apart of my life, but since me and my bf have been together is has been a complete roller coster. I constantly question whether or not I am doing the right thing or making the right decision. I don't have a friend/family member that sees anything positive in my relationship, and honestly I know that things will never turn out right myself. However, I keep trying. Today, I have to throw him out of the house, and I am scared to death of confronting him. He always says that I leave him by himself when I'm supposed to stand beside him. I know in my heart that I'm doing the right thing. But how can I be more assertive, How can I stop second guessing, and how can I stop this annoying cycle?

i am throwing him out because he has brought negative attention to my home via the neighborhood association citing suspicious activity at the house while im at work. I can't risk losing my home.

Answer 1

All indications are you are headed for trouble to let him stay. He is not worth standing beside. He will lower you to his level, not to mention the legal ramifications of what is happening when you are gone. Better get rid of him before he figures out how to make it difficult for you to do so. Go find someone who is responsible and is doing things that you also enjoy. Take your time. Be with friends. Send him packing or pack it for him. Tell him it just isn't working out. You are looking for someone more stable.
As far as your self esteem, that will improve right away when he is gone, but you need to believe in yourself. You got where you are long before he was in the picture. Trust your friends and your family. Have a little fun. Do things you enjoy. Occupy yourself. Try to meet some new people.

Answer 2

You have already begun the change...awareness is the first step. Start exercising, eating healthy, post a positive message on your mirror that you see everyday and repeat it...something like, "The world is a place for change and fun". The more you do for yourself, the more your self esteem will return. Hang in there...change is slow and you will have bad days. Allow yourself those bad days. Before you know it, there will be more good days than bad. And, whatever you do, don't jump on board with the next guy that comes along. Give yourself time to grow so that you are ready for the next relationship! Good luck.

Answer 3

I'm proud of you for wanting to take the first step. To many wait till it's to late. Stand by your heart it doesn't lye. When he gets home just tell him you most talk. at that time tell him how he makes you feel. get him to tell you what's in his heart. If the words that come out of his mouth aren't what you need to keep you striving to move forward than tell him that your sorry, but before you destroy or he destroys any thing else inside of each other that its time to part your separate ways. Let me tell you breaking up is never easy when you care for a person, but remember life's way to short to go on feeling the way you do.

Answer 4

Not sure why your throwing him out of the house? Because of your family or because of your own wishes? But from what I see sounds as if he is not the ideal mate for you from what you say your family and friends say. But don't hesitate, he apparently knows how to manipulate you from the sounds of your question, and make you feel quilty for booting him, why can't he make it on his own? He is a grown man right? Just stick with your solution, and hang in there! Good luck

Answer 5

As soon as u throw him out, get urself a large tub of chocolate icecream and a stupid comedy and don't call him again ever!!! While u r at it, kick the neighbours dog as well. Life is too short to think n waste. Don't just stand there and merely breath, enjoy it. Take some lesson from Dodge : Grab Life By Horns!!

Answer 6

Oh honey! Before I met my husbund I dated this total loser (who by the way I had a child with) and he constantly cheated on me and told me i wouldnt find anyone else who wanted me. He constantly told me i wasnt good enough or that I never took his side. I dumped his ***. I kicked him out of our house which was hard to do, and i was torn about the decision for forever and a day, but I did it. I was depressed for about 2 months afterwards, but one day I while i was out with my girlfriends I realized that i was finally happy, and I didnt have this horrible weight on my shoulders anymore.

If you know its not going to work out between you two, then dont waste anymore time on him. You know deep in your heart that you can do better than him, so do it. You can.

Answer 7

listen 2 ur gut instincts believe me they will not fail you. who eva this person is he is a manipulator trying 2 make u feel guilty for kicking him out. dont feel guilty for looking after your needs. this guy does not care for you if he acts this way because none would try and hurt someone they care about by making them feeling guilty. in order to be more assertive focus on all the good qualities you obviously a kind person because u feel guilty all 2 easily, u care for others and put others first. you should try putting urself first do things u enjoy. go through ur fone book and identify all the toxic ppl who put u down in your life and cross them off and spend more time with ur family, ppl who love and respect you. dont listen to his messages or pik up the phone and try working on ur self esteem b4 u enter another relationship. also spend more time with ur friends and ppl who respect you.

Answer 8

I think it's pretty normal to question whether or not you are doing the right thing. We have to question ourselves, otherwise, we will make rash decisions.

With that said, you just have to remember you are doing it the right thing and remember that he will try to guilt you into doubting yourself in order to keep you. Do you really want to be with someone who's manipulative like that? I know it's scary, but you know what's best for you. You just have to suck it up and put your foot down to any manipulations.

Answer 9

well,something is really wrong if youll not gonna do something bout it. All you have to do is to go on a cruise and 4 sure youll get to know people that would jhelp you get it back. Just believe in yopurself girl. You can Do it. Kaya mo Yan!

Answer 10

Oh my goodness honey, I have that very same problem. I guess when it comes down to it, we owe ourselves to sick up for ourselves. No one else is gonna do it. Just bite the bullet and do it. I know its hard - it is for me too. But I think we owe it to ourselves to do something otherwise, life will suck!