Am I wrong?

Question

Here's what happened...my daughter had her fifth b-day, no call or card at that point from my step mom and dad so I text messaged her (she's deaf) and said 'did you remember today is her b-day? Don't worry no big deal just thought the dates got mixed up or something". She texted me back saying a torrent of abuse such as ' don't tell me what to do, I would never forget, maybe you are just feeling moody or depressed but don't you forget I am older and wiser' etc.... I wrote back stunned saying 'how dare you talk to me like this, you've misunderstood why I wrote, I meant no harm' The end result is they are not speaking to me, they felt they should not have to call, I should have, and that they didn't misunderstand, that I am wrong. I said I am sorry you took it this way but it was not meant that way, I did not deserve your saying hurtful things to me I was simply trying to do a nice thing, in the past b-days have gotten mixed up and thought this was the case. R they right??

Answer 1

You handled it well. My bio parents did the same thing. I didnt bother to remind them though and just left it alone. I gave my son something "from them" anyway.
I think you did good. Seems like they are self absorbed in their own selfishness.

Answer 2

friend, this sort of things always happen. u do something with a good intention and it turns out bad. so dont worry abt it. perhaps they really misunderstood ur words. they might have felt that u were hurt by their forgetting the birthday. tell ur parents that u never meant anything bad. all that u wanted was to let ur kid ahve a very good birthday, with her grandparenst sending her some gifts or flowers. afterall, every kid will be longigng for such things. sometimes older people do not like to be told taht they are wrong. at her age, u may not be able to change her ways and habits. but u can , cant u? u can aadjust with her and consider her behaviour as a part of her old age.talk to her openly abt it. apologize to her,if necessary, not because you are wrong, but a simple sorry from ur lips can put the entire matter to an end and ur child may have more happy birthdays in future. Sometimes,that words which seem nice to u may not seem likewise to others. that may be what had happened in this case too. anyway, this is not a very grave matter, thats all. she might have really forgotten the date but she doesnt want to admit it. she is just forgetful. just call her more frequesntly and drop the important dates and events in a very casual manner. that will help it. all the very best to u.

Answer 3

"You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family."

If they're old school, calling on such things is always better than a text or an email....however, if she's deaf, how the hell are you going to talk to her? Are they right? Lets just say they have a point. Are they over reacting? Hell yeah!

I'm having some minor family issues as well...it's about power and control. My parents - more my mother - doesn't like that I'm an adult now and I've chosen to live with my gf. (VERY Catholic as well.) So I'm pretty much up sh*t creek. But I've found that standing your ground works better than trying to be diplomatic.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

this seems really OUT OF PLACE....the way you present this is that everything is hunky dory in your family until this one incident, which was taken the wrong way and completely blown out of proportion. Is this true, is this really a one time deal? If so, then yes they are probably wrong, but sometimes it's not about who's wrong or right, because if you always have to be right, then you are a pain to be around. I think you should extend the olive branch, call and apologize one more time, saying that you really meant no harm, that if it came across negatively you really didn't intend for it to happen that way, and you are sorry that there are bad feelings now. See what happens, if they continue to hold on to the negativity, then distance yourself....

Answer 5

My father's new wife, (notice I did not call her my "stepmom") and I tollerate one another but for some reason she does not like me..period. I have tried to talk to her and while she does speak she is very cold. I have decided that when I want to see my dad, I have lunch with him in public, and I don't involve my children. Because if he wanted to deal with his grandchildren then he would make the effort. I do not have any expectations from him when we are together because I would just be setting myself up for disappointment. My children know that they have a grandfather, (my mother is deceased, my husband's parents are also deceased) and they really don't ask why he doesn't interact with them because I don't make it an issue. I love my father but he chose his new wife, and I respect his decision. I will be cordial but I will not go out of my way for her to like me. I got the same letter, mean and hateful. Which just reminded me that I don't need someone like this around my children. You need to talk to your dad and tell him how you feel and where you're coming from, and then let it go. Best of luck.

Answer 6

No, they are not right. They sound dead right rude to me AND they are grandparents. What is a phone call or card to a 5 years old granddaughter? They should be doing this without anyone telling them to do it. Shame on your old folks!! I think it's time to cut them off from your life if they go on behaving like this. If they want some respect, they should earn it. Your daughter has nothing to lose without grandparents like this. Give your daughter more love and that's all she needs. Good luck.

Answer 7

No, your step mum completely overreacted. All you did was give them a gentle hint and they took it completely the wrong way. Explain to them that you meant to no harm, be cordial and just say you were doing it because you felt it might upset your daughter. I think that they are in the wrong and you arent the one who should be feeling bad. Even though you may be angry at them, keep up the appearances for your daughter.

Answer 8

no they are not right --- its not about you or them its about a five year old who would not understand why they did not get anything from their grandparents ---- she may not be able to articulate how she feels --- she will remember it --- yes you did the right thing --- i have trouble remembering birthdays and have no problem with someone reminding me and i have two grandchildren as well --- my best wishes to you and happy birthday to your daughter

Answer 9

Do you remember their b days? Also dont trip. The people who care will remember.

Answer 10

this sounds deeper than this. leave it alone and think about what else could be the reason for her anger. don't call let them come to you. GOD BLESS YOU and wise you up if you need it.