How do I get my husband to be more romantic and sensual?

Question

My husband doesn't seem to know what romance is. He used to, sort of, but now he doesn't even seem to try. I have asked him to touch me and explain that I am a chick and I am emotional, I've tried hinting, he's apparently a romantic idiot! LOL

I love him very much and I know he loves me too, so that isn't the problem. Is there a way to teach my old dog new tricks?

I ALWAYS do unto him as I want done to me. He doesn't put 2 and 2 together. I've even specifically said, I'd like you to do this to me" but he is clueless. I do the sexy outfits, and that gets him riled up, but I'm asking how to get him in a more CALM, romantic, sensual type of mood, where he is more interested in drawing out our antics. He always seems to be frantic .... (hope I havent said too much)

I would NEVER ridicule my husband. He is a wonderful, caring man and an excellent father. My suggestions to him are ALWAYS worded in a way to protect his ego. Im just having a problem with this issue.

All the answers so far, I have done. Once I left arrows from room to room when he got home from work .. and yes he found me ... LOL ...

I will give him a foot massage, rub down his whole body, kiss him everywhere, treat him like a king, but when its his turn, he doesn't try to touch me and get me going. And after we're intimate, I actually had to TELL him to hold me and not stare at the TV.

I think I should explain further. My husband was married 3 times before, and all 3 of them trampled on him, laid there to get done, and then went out to cheat on him. I don't think anyone ever actually TOLD him what women really want. I'm not used to that. My ex-husband would do all kinds of things, kinky, sensual, romantic, odd, you name it. I realize that these are two different men, and nothing I've learned so far is working. I'm afraid to just say "Honey, tonight you are going to rub me down, touch me everywhere, and kiss every part of me." Then again, maybe that's what HE wants. LOL

One time I actually wrote a short story about EXACTLY the way I wanted it. That was 6 months ago and I'm still waiting. How much more specific do I have to be? Is it possible he just doesn't care to give me what I want?

Thank you all for your responses. I think I'm going to go Dom on his ***. I'm gonna bring out the whip, ropes, and ball gag, and give him orders. If he doesn't get it right, then he'll be punished appropriately. LMAO poor guy......

Answer 1

Yes,we men are like kids we love our toys but we get bored with them,we are emotionally illiterate,you want him to pay attention give him some new toys to play with,a new nightie that hugs your body just right,a new pair of jeans that shows all your curves,he'll wanna test drive those curves more often.Start dating him.You gotta pump up his ego to get his motor running.

Answer 2

Yes, an old dog can be taught new tricks. Gentle talking, and perhaps a little overkill on your reaction to his touch might help. Sometimes a fellow needs a feeling of woohooo to get him restarted. You can also do a few things to show him what you want.... try having a small vase of flowers standing there for Him when he gets home, with a little note attached saying something like....come find me in the bedroom and see if there are more flowers for you.......
Sometimes it takes a little shove to get a guy going, and something like this might do the trick.... in the event that you still have troubles, try to be patient and keep doing the little things. Perhaps just taking his hand and holding it will help, and in the long run I wish you good luck.

Answer 3

Well i guess after you have tried everything, you should just sit across with him (may be when he is free with no distractions) and talk to him. If you or he are not comfortable then you should write down on a piece of paper and give it to him and let him reply back. Honest discussion is the best answer. Any one can think of straying in your situation but i hope that you dont do it. Some fun with yourself i guess you should get. Try to have some online fun if you are that kind. But talk to him if you need him only and dont want to hurt him. I am open for more talking.

x
tom
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Answer 4

So he's always pretty much been this way - you say he "used to sort of" try. Well he didn't much and because you were dating you skipped it and thought - like so many women - when we get married I will change him and he'll be different.

No, right or wrong, when people get married, they let down their guard, not increase it. They relax their effort, not intensify it.

So you knew he was like this but you married him anyway. So welcome back from chick fantasy la-la-land. He's not going to change - especially not from listening to you TALKING. Talking does NOTHING for guys. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Talking is for chicks. They vent, make a to-do- list, then never do anything on the list. No offense.

You have one chance at changing him, and I hate bringing it up because normally I despise women who do it. But he seems like he needs a swift kick in the balls, so what the heck.

The next time he starts his frantic wham-bam- I-just-want-my-orgasm-ma'am antics, let him just get going and thinking his will be his normal insensitive assh*le session (because that's what he is, an insensitive assh*le but you knew that and married him anway) tell him (yes it's talking but it has action with it so it's different), "Look. You are like a blow torch. I flick your switch a few times and you are white hot. I on the other hand am like an oven. It takes me 30 minutes with nothing in me just to get heated up. So here's the kitchen timer - let's set it at 20 minutes (we'll work up to 30) - and for 20 minutes no intercourse, no touching my hoo-hah, no slipping it 'on accident' in me. Only kissing of the face, neck, breasts, tummy, legs, feet and hands is allowed - stroking skin, touching little areas like my wrists and ankles, whispering, nibbling my ears and throat, etc. is also allowed. But no humping, porking, or making the beast with 2 backs. We'll get to that but you gotta warm up my oven or it won't work right."

Of course he will test the boundaries so the first few times you won't be able to just lie back and enjoy, but after a while, if he tries anything too early and you just say, "okay that's enough for now - we'll try again tonight or tomorrow until you can get it right" and stand up and walk away, he'll be singing a new song in no time.

EDIT: Okay I am just going to be rude and respond to another couple of posters -- that "Secret" bullsh*t has been around for at least 50 years - all the phony preachers you've seen getting busted buying whores and coke have used it forever to fleece gullible people who think there's a law in 'the universe' that allows you to be selfish. Please do not buy into that silly vapid crap-fest. Just be real and speak and act clearly.

Answer 5

Oprah just did a show on a new book (and DVD) called The Secret ..... its about the Law of Attraction, and it tells you how to attract more of what you want into your life and relationship (also for your finances, self esteem, etc). They had a couple on there who were married 14 years and had no passion anymore, and then after they both watched the DVD, they came on the show to say how happy they are now (and they looked it, especially the woman). And they were not wealthy, gorgeous people....just regular people.

Answer 6

the best way to get what you want is to worry about what the other person wants and give it to them with no expectation of return. I am always amazed by how this works when i can get out of myself long enough to do it. Of course, it helps to directly ask for what you want at the same time. We dont know what women want, you make no sense to us, and doing what works for you to us is meaningless as we like completely different things. my wife has gotten in the habit of being VERY specific about what she likes. I am always surprised, and also very grateful. Avoids tons of guesswork.

Answer 7

Have you done things like cook romantic dinners and wear sexy lingerie. He may need more than just a hint.

Cooking a dinner, wearing an apron and nothing else might be extreme, but it could give your husband the jolt he needs. You will need to judge how extreme to be.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Just have the uncomfortable conversation tell him you want a rub down a kiss and a lick and tell him where. He sure as hell can't take a hint. or maybe there is a reason he doesnt want to go down there. past bad experiences.

Answer 9

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Update - OK, since you have tried that route and others, it sounds to me like you two could benefit from a therapist. Nothing to lose. Now, the issue is whether he will go with you. If he agrees, great. If he does not agree, then set up an appointment and go yourself to learn how to deal with it. And, tell him you are going alone. Invite him to join you.

Answer 10

Do you dress sexy for him? Do you cook special things that he likes or do other little things for him? Do you compliment him or ridicule him?
Try a little more than hinting; tell him how you feel. Men are not good at taking hints. I know.