I have three best friends, and they are all female and I am male. We see each other pretty much everyday and I do a lot for these girls, I am god father to their children. I call them my Angels and I treat them like queens. I am very appreciative of our friendship, enjoy spending time with them even if it means I have to go out of my way, and enjoy expressing my love for my friends such as with gifts and etc. We've been friends a long time, and been through a lot, but I always feel like they don't appreciate me.
Lately I've felt like my friends sometimes take advantage of me and take me for granted. Saying you care is one thing, but showing it is something else. They say that they care so much and love me, but I often feel so a lone. I do not ask for a lot when it comes to my friends. A simple phone call once in a while to just say Hello, but even that seems like too much to ask. Is it me, am I to blame? I don't know, I'm just so tired of this BS?
2007-02-11
01:33:01
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11 answers
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asked by
whattoddo?
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in
Family & Relationships
➔ Friends
relationships get in cycles that you set in motion from the very beginning, if you've been the one putting in all the effort, and they never have had to, then they aren't going to recognize the issue, they won't know that a problem exists....and you have to take some of the responsibility for setting that cycle in motion. You can tell them, each of them separately how you feel and ask them to make a little more effort, or you can just slowly change the dynamics of the relationships by ASKING for things, specifically their help and time, and SAYING no occasionally. Chances are that they will step up to the plate, but since there has been no plate to step up to, they haven't had to yet....but whinning and complaining about how you feel won't change the dynamics....
2007-02-11 01:41:57
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answer #1
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answered by reddevilbloodymary 6
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Yes, I hate to say it but they are taking advantage of you. I completely agree with you that someone's actions mean as much if not more than the words. Anyone can say they care but not show it through their actions. You shouldn't have to go out of your way spending money on gifts and such to keep them your friends. Your friendship to them should be gift enough. True and loyal friends like you don't come along every day. They don't know how lucky they truly are. Since they mean so much to you I would try talking to them to see if that improves things. Maybe it will help. If not I say move on. Even though it will be very difficult for you. Find some new friends who appreciate you for you. Not what you can buy them. I'm sure many girls would jump at the chance to be your friend. Good luck.
2007-02-11 01:47:11
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answer #2
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answered by navy wife 1996 3
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If you believe these women are truly your friends, perhaps the best thing to do is to discuss these feelings with them. Our lives are so busy these days that sometimes that easy phone call seems like an inconvenience. Friendship is about sharing and caring. If none of these women are open to listen to your concerns, then they are not true friends. Sometimes we all need to be reminded of what we have and what we may lose if we don't make an effort to keep someone/something special in our lives.
You also may want to ask yourself, are you doing things for these women out of your own kindness or are they asking for help? Sometimes I find myself doing something I think is kind for someone, only to find out I had overstepped a line somewhere. Now, this person feels obligated to return the kindness and in some cases my nicities have turned into "meddling".
We all have expectations of others and when those expectations aren't fulfilled, they are the cause of our emotional hurt and suffering. Continued dialoge, open communications.....these are the keys to maintaining understanding and peace.
There is a spanish saying that translates to "If you are always bending to do for others, you will show your [behind]." The saying is a bit crude, but better translates to "people will think less of you if you are always doing for them."
As a woman, I will add here that everytime I see a man treat another woman like a queen, I think of the misery the man is inflicting upon himself. The exception being, if the woman reciprocates and treats the man as her king.
2007-02-11 02:16:01
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answer #3
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answered by Ali R 2
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These ladies are using you my friend. For some reason, women like guys who are a little hard to get. If you still want them to appreciate you, don't call them for a week. Ignore them and certainly don't give them anything. If they truly want your friendship, this will give them a wake up call. If they don't respond, they were just taking advantage of you. A friend should not have to go out of their way every time the group wants to do something. It's a two way street and apparently for you, it's been a one way for quite a while. Good luck to you.
2007-02-11 01:43:51
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answer #4
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answered by Angela N 2
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No, you are not the one to blame. You sound like an awesome friend. But the thing is when you are too nice, people tend to take you for granted. They might be using you. Try to be good to yourself and stop being there for them for a while. They will start to wonder.
2007-02-11 01:40:44
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answer #5
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answered by hhfe 2
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Stop they are using , Actions do speak loudly. Step back and don't do so much for them and see the reaction. Are they the kind of that tell you everything , but don't listen to what you have going on outside of them . If so, I call these people Life Suckers. They use you up love and trust . If not , I don't know what to say.GOD BLESS
2007-02-11 01:45:21
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answer #6
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answered by TCC Revolution 6
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It sounds like they are taking advantage of you. I know it sounds like old advice but still your best thing to do is to talk to them, which shouldn't be hard if ya'll are as good friends as you say you are. Maybe they don't realize that they are using you. Also don't ever blame yourself right off. It sounds like you do alot for them and so i don't think you should feel bad for asking alittle from them. But, you have to talk to them.
2007-02-11 01:41:19
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answer #7
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answered by a_blossom_91 2
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Do they never do anything special for you? Are any of them married or involved with someone? If so, you should not expect much. Maybe they do depend on you too much; you might suggest to them that you don't feel appreciated and see how they respond. That's really all I can say without knowing more about them.
2007-02-11 01:39:09
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answer #8
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answered by supertop 7
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U SEEM LIKE A VERY NICE GUY ESPECIALLY WHEN IT ALL COMES DOWN 2 YOUR FRINDSHIP WITH YOUR FRIENDS MY OPINION IS THAT THEY DO LOVE YOU IF THEY R DATING OR ENGAGED OR EVEN ALREADY MARRIED THEN THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING THEYY LOVE YOU AND APRECIATE EVERYTHING U DO CAUSE U DO A LOT BUT IF UR FRIENDS GOT MEN THEN DON'T COUNT ON THEM CALLING CONSTINTLY BUT WHEN THEY GET IN A FIGHT OR A DIVORCE WITH THEIR MEN YOU WILL BE THE FIRST 2 CALL GOOD LUCK I HOPE I HELPED.
2007-02-11 01:52:30
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answer #9
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answered by joelle 3
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have you ever had an old pair of comfy shoes,always around just to slip on to run out to the mailbox? Quit being so "comfy".The old saying,"you don't know what you've got till it's gone" leaps to mind. No one can take advantage of you if you don't allow it.
2007-02-11 01:42:06
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answer #10
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answered by karen b 2
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