Can he kick me out of our house with 3 kids?

Question

My marraige is going through a real rocky patch and I am finding it harder and harder to comunicate with my husband ..he just flies of the handle at the slightist thing.I dont know if we can work it out but I am at the end of my tether.We have 3 kids age 6 ,8 ,10 and I only earn a very small amount(although when we married i earned more than him and gave up to look after kids)and he says if we split theres no way me and the kids can stay in our house .It is in joint names but i couldnt afford the morgage on my own.I thought the woman and kids always stayed in the house but he says I am wrong .I couldnt put our kids through moving as well as loosing there dad .He says he loves me but never shows it and when I try to talk he thinks I am having a go ...Help.

Thanks for the great advice so far ..your all so nice but I should have said I am in UK.

Answer 1

You should really try and talk this through with him, when the kids are in bed. Make a nice meal and chat. Try and remember/find what you both had at the beginning and what has gone wrong. If you split, as I did with kids the same number and age as yours, it was hard going after even though I kept the house. Also there's an element of excitement that you are free again to look for another romance.
However, after the divorce and things settle, what type of man will take on 3 kids? And then you get into a terrible step situation, especially if he's got kids too. A couple of years down the line, you will just be as p*ssed off with the second marriage, as will your ex. When the kids grow up, they are damaged in some respects and tend to blame all their downfalls on the breakup as kids. Talk all these things through and think what you are both losing. Give each other more attention, the kids are old enough to know you both need your own time.

Answer 2

Sometimes the judge will decide with the person that gets the kids for whom gets to stay in the house upon a divorce, sometimes til the youngest kid is 18, most the time anymore it seems the house ends up sold or, if you don't stay in the house, he will have to buy you out more than likely, and you could have money to put as a down payment on your own house that way. Sounds like you will have to make a decision, on wether or not it is worth it to stay or go, either way your married and on a joint endeavor on the house, so the house would more than likely be sold and split. Like you said you couldn't afford the mortage, but maybe you could find a more higher paying job, besides if you end up with full custody of the kids, he'll have to pay child support also. What doesn't sound very nice on your husbands part is why does he say your not going to get the house? Is he trying to scare you to make you feel like you have no place to go? Good luck, hope things work out for the best whatever happens.

Answer 3

I'm not sure hon - but I would have thought for him to get to keep the house he would need to 'buy you out' - or the house would have to be sold, and the money made used to pay the remainding mortgage and the rest split between you and the hubby.
If things are that bad I'd get a head start and visit a solicitor or go to find some legal advice from elsewhere..... maybe citizens advice bureau can help... they might be able to tell you what is likely to happen - if there are any benifits you'd be entitled to should worst come to worst and you lose your home.
Perhaps your husband could be using the scare tactics of you will lose your home if you leave me? And just saying you'd get nothing to try and make you stay or not get a divorce.
I;d go look for free legal advice and tell them your situation and your worries - and see what the best step from there would be.
I personally cant see you out of a home... not if the children are with you hon xx

I hope all works out okay hon xxxx

Answer 4

if he loved u he would do the things that would cause u to love him, a genuine love desires to do good things for the other person, so his actions are sending a different message than what he is telling u. if your name is also on the home, i would think that the one with the children would get to stay and the other one would have to leave. he is just trying to tell u it will go his way so he can talk u into leaving. don't fall for it. maybe he just wants to get u out so he can bring someone else in and say u abandoned him. u can get a free councilation from an attorney usually. he flies off the handle at u because he doesn't really like his life, and he may be seeing someone else. if he is cheating on u there is no way your going to get him to talk to u as he is focusing on someone else. get some advice from an attorney, get a restraining order on him and file for divorce, the judge will usually let the woman live in the home and order the father to pay child support. good luck.

Answer 5

Definately don't move out of the house. Get legal advise. If he is abusing you get help immediately. With child support which you will probably have to fight for you maybe able to keep up the house and if not sell it and get something more affordable. Again it depends where you are located as to laws of equity etc. go talk to a lawyer don't take chances of making a mistake for the sake of you and your kids.
Maybe he has a health problem or something that he is not telling you about, men are funny that way and can't really say what is on their minds. You could try and get professional help and keep this marrage but your constant fighting is only going to get more toxic and effect your children.

Answer 6

I am guessing that you two have been together for at least 10 years. Ask yourself why he could be acting this way? Is he just bored and tired of the same routine?
Is some female showing him attention at work?
Is he going through a depression?
Find out why the 2 of you are going through this bad spot.
Are you complaining more?
Are you doing allot less around the house?
Are you going out and leaving him alone at home?
Are you both taking each other for granted?
If he won't talk to you in person the start writing him letters and see if you can get a response that way.
He needs to try real hard at fixing this marriage because their is 3 kids involved and he has not got the right to hurt them this way. They did not ask for this you both are giving it to them. I am sure the children if they could would tell you both to grow up and work it out.

Answer 7

Check with him, most of these things are stress/ money related. Work maybe getting worse. Now, prepare yourself. allow him to do as he wishes, if its an affair let him have it. what ever it is. Smile, be polite, do what ever he wants. Yes you heard me right. Let him feel like hes the king, like everyone around him is idiots. If the comes home late smelling of wine and women and wants sex give it to him....Just do it....smile....Meanwhile, search for better paying job. go get a private checking account or saving,,get some credit cards in your name only, remember to sign up for no paper bill, no bills or statements must come to the house...start putting money little by little in the account.but as much as you can get away with, cut every cornor so this can happen,,,,,No matter how bad this will make you feel, never ever make excuses to your children for dad not being there for them, ,, don't poison them either.. but no excuses, if it becomes time for the divorce you don't want the kids to think of dad as a hero, You need to be the hero....As far as the house you need to realize that you will not be living there. Kids are flexible, yes it will hurt to move , but as you will soon see everyone will get over it.. And never presume that the woman always keeps the kids, or the home... If i wanted out I would do everything to make you the bad guy... and i mean everything.... And so will he... So for now smile, no conflicts, no questioning, let him do as he pleases, this may go away, but if it doesn't you are prepared..

Answer 8

Do you survive the identical street as my mom and dad... They have a neighbor kid who sounds just like this. I am over at my mom and dad' condominium rather a lot with my two youngsters (4 and 14 months) and when you consider that the mother of this wild kid doesn't discipline him or proper his dangerous behavior, I haven't any hindrance telling him what to do. There is another kids on the road who are unruly as well. I'll warn them after they do something wrong and if the repeat the bad doing/habits, I simply send them dwelling. I have no tolerance for brats and considering that the mothers don't ever seem to come over and examine on the youngsters, I "mother or father" these little rascals, in most cases out of defense for my own children. For instance, one child was once tossing a ball within the air on the lawn and that i used to be sitting in the swing with my youngster who was once most effective about three months on the time. I told the child to be careful of the baby and transfer to the opposite aspect of the lawn. He did it again and i stated in the event you do not pay attention, you are going home. He just about hit me within the head and my youngster so then I advised him to move house in view that he did not pay attention. He went home. The moms and dads have in no way stated some thing about me sending their youngsters house seeing that I think they appreciate they don't know tips on how to mother or father. LOL! Sorry for blabbing.

Answer 9

You don't say where you are living, and that makes a huge difference. You can see from the variety of answers here that there are different experiences of what can happen. I strongly urge you to seek legal help from a local attorney or counselor. If you have a Legal Aid group in your area you can contact them. Then you'll understand what you must do to protect yourself and your children. My heart goes out to you because it sounds like your husband is a controlling person who is willing to be very harsh to get his way. I hope you will look into the Legal Aide thing or even a consultation with a regular lawyer so you're well prepared to do what you need to do.

Answer 10

The women and child don't automatically get the house. But if its in your name as well, he can't make you leave. Though he can make you miserable enough to leave on your own.
Who stays in the house is the one who can afford it. If both can afford it, its sold 50/50. If one can and one can't then it needs to be worked out. Usually selling 50/50 or refinancing to have it put into the affording spouses name only. Even then you should get half the equity. My ex and I did that; he refinanced into his name only. And since there wasn't that much equity in the house and I just wanted out because he was running our finances into the ground, I let him keep my half of the equity. Best thing I ever did. In the year and half I have been away from him, I've gotten my credit score up 100 points.