I'm only ever attracted to men that are 20-30 yrs older than me. i've never ever been attracted to a guy my own age, like not even once. i'm not a golddigger so its not abt the money or abt the older man being more mature, stable, whatever i couldnt care less...my friend has this theory about me wanting a "father figure" but my dad's always been there for me when i was little but me and my sister don't have any sort of relationship with my mom, she was physically abusive to us and left 3 times..i dont know if that matters anyway because my sis likes guys her own age so i dont know why i cant as well...i would prefer to have a bf my own age, someone i can have fun with but its weird knowing i'll never be physically attracted to him or turned on by him just because he's not 45 or something. being with an older man makes me feel special, i can't explain it, i just feel comfortable and safe, safe from what i dont know but i want him to look after me.
sorry this is a bit long!!!
2007-02-11 00:30:25 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Its not wrong in my opinion, and I can sort of understand. But may i suggest trying to meet some really mature people your own age so that you can see that some are also mature and stable.
Thats if you are finding it really difficult to find older ppl.
2007-02-11 00:42:39 · answer #1 · answered by Sunny D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have sort of answered your own question, Asha.
> 'my dad's always been there for me"
> "being with an older man makes me feel special, i can't explain it, i just feel comfortable and safe"
> "i want him to look after me."
Your friend is onto something with the 'father figure' idea. You even said it yourself, although in a different way. Those three phrases, copied above, stand out as much as if you had put them in big bold text. Because of your good relationship with your father, you are, subconsciously at least, attracted more to men who share your father's traits. It just so happens that these men are most often older - like your father's age.
Give the younger guys a chance. There are plenty out there who could make you feel special, safe, and comfortable, but you have to get to know them. The only way is to set aside your bias towards older men, when a younger guy asks you out. You don't have to start a relationship, just date a variety of younger guys, and see who'd out there. Who knows, one may pleasantly surprise you by being loving and caring, and making you feel really special.
Oh, to answer your original question - "is it normal...?"
Probably - at some point in our lives we all have had an attraction to an older man. It's not that uncommon. But you seem to be obsessed with the idea. As someone else suggested, if you find this troubling, perhaps a counselor can help you sort through your feelings, and help you figure out what to do about it.
I'll agree with you, older men can be very attractive, for various reasons. Just give yourself a chance to know a few of the younger ones now and then.
I wish you well.
2007-02-11 01:28:23 · answer #2 · answered by sandyblondegirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too JUST ABSOLUTELY love older men!! I am completely self-sufficient....I have never asked a man for money, I am well educated and independant, my father is an awesome man and I dont look for a father figure becuase the ones I fall for are nothing like him!!----my dad and I are very close---so those folks that say we are gold diggin' or that we are looking for a father figure are oh so wrong!! I wish I could give you a better answer, but I just know that older men are just hot!!
2007-02-11 02:19:06 · answer #3 · answered by ? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've known some girls who fit your description. They just like older men. It's just the way it happens, and one could go off on an endless sermon on the whys and wherefores of that. But it's just best not to constantly hash it over if there's no major problem with it.
Normal is so boring sometimes that one ought to stop asking themselves if they are in line with the rest of the herd.
2007-02-11 01:24:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
-Your mother beat you so you would go to your father
-Your mother would yell at you so you would go to your father
-Your mother left home 3 times so you would go to your father
-You dont have any sort of relationship with your mother but you do have with your father
-Your father was always there for you
-Your father would care for you
-Your father would keep you safe
-Your father protected you
And you think your father has nothing to do with your preference for older men?
Perhaps when you are willing to accept at some subconscious level your father has had an influence on your preferences for older men then perhaps this can help you with your preference for a bf your own age.
Life is what we make of it i.e. dont make the same mistakes your mother did: help your bf to develop the same securities an older man gives you or at least give him the chance
This older man preference is not unusual but according to research abuse, love for the father and or absence of the father are major contributing factors.
2007-02-11 00:33:16 · answer #5 · answered by Truth D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
because older men are wiser? so you feel flattered someone like this likes you? it's really not about "is it normal?". it does't happen too often, but i can't say it's abnormal. it gets weird if it's only sexual attraction
2007-02-11 00:39:26 · answer #6 · answered by hazel 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
to older men it's great. and you're not the only one. older men believe this is just part of female nature.
2007-02-11 02:21:18 · answer #7 · answered by Analyst 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think it's normal. The fact that you mentioned that you get a feeling of safety may mean something. If you're worried about it you should seek some counseling.
2007-02-11 00:33:31 · answer #8 · answered by Jilli Bean 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think that you had such a good relationship with your father that you do want a father figure. now that your grown and cant be living with your father youll find anouther one.
2007-02-11 02:19:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, but it's not wrong either. It just is.
2007-02-11 00:36:59 · answer #10 · answered by guy o 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋