Can my marrieage ever work????

Question

I've been with my wife for 10 years and married for 8. We have three children who I love and adour, they are 8,5 and 2 In November my wife told me that she didn't love me and wanted to break up. We had been going through a rough patch for some time, I work full time and am at University one day a week and it has put a lot of preasure on our relationship.we are working on things now, I havn't moved back home yet but we are working towards that. Me and my wife have a great friendship but for a long time there has been a problem with the romantic side of things. I dont like to rush love making and like the feeling of togetherness. My wife isn't so fond on this and love making usually doesn't take long. I work very hard to do special things for my wife in and out of the bedroom Foreplay is normall all one way and I dont get anything in return. I didn't question this until the break up but now I'm starting to look at my wife as being selfish or is it me? Will this ever work?

Answer 1

It doesn't sound to me like you're the selfish one in your marriage... Your wife should be supporting you while you work and study. It doesn't seem like she is the one lacking in receiving affection, think she's getting ample...

I think there is someone better for you out there... Someone who will love you, give you as much affection as you give them, and will support everything you do for your family. You are obviously very committed to your wife, to your marriage and to making a good life for your family...

Please don't let her drag you down and doubt yourself, you sound like a wonderful man.

Be strong xx

Answer 2

There is a reason for her not reciprocating in bed. I'll admit women are complicated. She could be unhappy with you for some reason. I'll admit, the smallest thing can change a womans actions in bed. Did you forget to take out the garbage 3 weeks in a row? Are you not helping her around the house and with the children? If you don't have time to do things she needs done, at least offer to help while she does them. She probably needs to feel appreciated more.
She may be so stressed she can't "shut off" her "things to do list" and can't relax enough to have a full love session. As for foreplay, has it always been one way? If not, you are going to have to ask her why. It may be some of the above reasons, but only she can tell you why. Find somewhere quiet and talk her. I can't tell you if your marriage will work. If you think she is being selfish, then you need to know why. Lots of Luck.

Answer 3

Why would you want it to? For the sake of the children?
Your wife has told you that she does not love you.She
cannot be plainer than that. Be dignified,
and accept her friendship because that will stop a messy
divorce. See the children when you possibly can and
let them know that mommy and daddy will always love
them whatever.
As an outsider it looks like there is someone else in the
picture. Have you asked her if there is some else?
The simple fact that she cannot give you any pleasure
speaks for itself. Please - move on. Then one day you
will find true happiness with a true love. Take Care and
all the best.

Answer 4

Okay, it's hard to diagnose this mess you're in based on what you've told us. From what you have written, you were busy working and taking classes (so you're kind of wrapped up in the career things), and that put "strain" on the relationship. That's pretty vague. I wish you would expand on that: how did you working and taking classes put strain on the reltionship?

On the other hand, you go into some detail about your sex life, and that isn't really neccessary information, and it could have been summed up like this: "My wife isn't as interested in sex as I am".

Okay buddy, you need a relationship coach. This sucks because you have kids, but any romantic relationship is about a whole lot more than sex, work, and raising kids. I'm sorry you had to find out like this, but there are these things called intimacy, romance, challenge (keeping her interested), and attitude.

You read like somebody who has some integrity, so I'm not going to lecture you on the importance of really being who you say you are and acting accordingly, but integrity does play a role here in your wife's case because she's lost interest in you (and there should have been a ton of red flags aside from her not enjoying sex as much as you did, but you didn't pay attention to her, did you?).

Part of intimacy is listening to your partner and getting to know them, but you didn't do that because your needs... except maybe in the bedroom ... were being met.
Romance isn't about sex. You're confused there. Romance is taking your wife out on a fun date every now and then, stretching yourself and doing something fun and new together every once in a while. If you don't do that, you get stuck in a rut, and things get boring. And intimacy is about taking a few minutes every now and then to just hold each other and returning a compliment every now and then.

All that being said, (and it's water under the bridge now) did she move out of the house? You didn't tell us. We got 3 full sentences describing the sex, and we don't even know if you two are in the same house anymore, so I am going to assume she moved out, and you're toast. If she's gone, you have to assume she isn't coming back, and even if she does come back, she's probably never going to be that interested in you, and I can see how you played an active role in that happening.

Is she selfish? We're all a little bit selfish. But you ask that when you can't tell us much other than how your sexual needs aren't being met? Is that selfish? Hmmm?

Good luck, and find a dating coach because I think you're gonna need one to get your game back on.

Answer 5

You're in a tough spot brother and for that, I'm sorry.

I don't know enough to give proper advise. You can't fix the problem in your not in the home. I would suggest going home and counseling. It may help bring some problems to light that can be resolved between the two of you.

It's tough to separate the parent from the wife. She may be overwhelmed with child care issue leaving her little time to pamper herslef and you.

I also would think back to your dating history. Was she more affectionate? Try dating her without the expectation of sex. This may help her better relax.

It will only work if both of you try. I wish you both success.

Answer 6

I think you need some sort of counselling. You have very small children and they are such hard work. It's not surprising you are both really tired.

The sex thing needs sorting because I think sex is only stimulated on response for most people. And it doesn't sound like she's found this out yet. So she needs to understand this. Talk

Don't give it up just because you are bother knackered with life at the moment. You have to learn together. xx

Answer 7

You need to talk to eachother. Ask her what she's feeling, what she wants from you, from life etc etc. I can see how you being at work full time and uni one day a week will contribute to your relationship breaking up. Also, if you're away that long leaving her with the children, she may resent you slightly. Don't look on the bad side just yet, but you really need to talk to her. hope it works out.

Answer 8

Well if she doesn't fancy you any more there's not much of a foundation to work on is there? I'd start the groundwork for a divorce mate. Grab whatever you can get because the law will undoubtedly lean towards the woman.

You're in for a tough patch you know. Prepare yourself for that. The house will go to her, children to her, possessions will be split down the middle. You'll have to find a new house and a new relationship. If you're lucky you'll see your kids on weekends.

Answer 9

Hi, I really feel for you but maybe you and your wife, going by what you say, are better as friends than lovers.
It's difficult, as an outsider, to judge but maybe your wife is being a little selfish.
I hope you get this problem resolved and wish you happiness in the future.
take care Morsel

Answer 10

I think it needs you to both compromise on things to have a good relationship. Where sex is concerned it needs to be something that your both comfortable with. I agree with you though that you need to get something in return, it can't be all one sided. Maybe you should talk to her about this and maybe you'll find that it has been bothering her also. It's to easy to get stuck in a rut and just plod along in a relationship. Or maybe she really does want to split up and is trying to end it gradually, you need to talk about all of this to see where you both go from here.