Why cant anybody answer my pedophile question...is it too deep for yahoo answers?

Question

Over 30 years ago my mother and her brother were molested by their oldest brother when they were young children. We have kept a comfortably distant, practically non-existent relationship from this uncle, and whole side of the family.

Now one of my other uncles has just gotten married. His new wife is a very sweet person. She is always trying to throw parties and get the family to spend time together. I think it hurts her when nobody shows up.

I have a 10 month old baby. There is no way I'm letting my uncle get near my child.

Is it my place to expose my mothers secret to this new woman? This happened 30+ years ago when there were no real laws against this and he never got caught again. I know hes probably still a sicko though. They never change.

What do i do? How do I get out of seeing my family without hurting her feelings?

Its not the molester uncle who got married, its his brother, my other uncle.

And yes I understand not everybody who get molested becomes a pedophile. In fact most don't. But this one did.

Answer 1

Just tell her your busy, or that you don't feel comfortable around him, you don't have to explain yourself. If your mother wanted her to know she would have told her.

Answer 2

Not everyone who's molested becomes a pedophile ! If you've never heard that this uncle hurt a child he probably hasn't. My grandpa was a pedophile and molested and raped my mother and then me and my aunts and uncle. My mother became a pedophile and also molested me and so did my uncle. but not the other aunts. It's a choice each victim makes, do I become a perpetrator and try to pass my pain on to someone else, or do I place the blame back on my abuser where it belongs bby years of intensive therapy and work on myself ?My mom still swears that her father never touched her and calls me a liar but she's a psychological basket case who can barely function. I never let my daughter out of my sight around my mom!My uncle died last year and he took me aside and in tears begged my forgiveness 2 weeks before his death. I kind of do forgive him. We are all victims of victims and time doesn't go back far enough for us to know who to blame. But I BROKE THE FAMILY CURSE with my daughter. I even studied infant massage to learn healthy touch !
If you know for sure that that uncle is a offender you should break it to his new wife ! How would you like to marry a pervert and not know ?! If you don't know he's ever offended then just give him a chance but don't take your eyes off of her !Incest is like a family curse passed down thru the ages. God bless you for breaking the chain ! You can e-mail me if you want. Good Luck! Stick To Your Guns !

Answer 3

i would pray about it. If it feels good then let the spirit lead the way.

Smiles, =)

But a babylonian answer would suggest that you stay out of your perhaps perverted uncle's life, and start a new one with your family. How about having your good uncle come over and his wife. Then things could be better.
smiles, =)

One is never scared and strong only if he knoweth the truth, but if she doubteth the least bit he will succumb to mortal weakness.
my gift to you =)

Answer 4

I really like skc approach, but don't lie.

Something like this perhaps:

I'm sorry Mary but I don't like my Uncle Fred. He makes me too uncomfortable to have any fun so I won't be attending any family gatherings as long as he is going to be there. I truly am sorry but this is just too deeply ingrained for me to combat it.

And BTW, I don't blame you a bit. I too believe pedophiles are essentially incurable.

Answer 5

Your priority must be the safety and protection of your child, you are the responsible parent and must act appropriately.
No it is not your place to expose anything.......what makes you think this new woman is not capable of looking after her own feelings or is this a familiar habit of yours ie; trying to protect people from how they feel for the choices they make......if so? then isn't it time to help yourself and make the correct decision for yourself and your child. REGARDLESS of the feelings of others.....Let them be responsible for themselves. This may be a healthy trait your child would want to learn from her/his mother.

Answer 6

Just tell her that your family has a few issues with your uncle and that your obligations to your family keeps you from going.