Ball and chain?

Question

8 years older than me...he's the breadwinner. I've been coming out of a deep depression(rooted from years of mental,emotional,physical,and sexual abuse from both parents).I've began to lose weight and am studying for my GED so I can go to college.It seems the better my self esteem and drive gets,the more negative he becomes toward our relationship.If I get a job to save up for a house ...he starts talking about quitting his.. I started exercising and studying and he started talking about leaving.He tries to stress me out whenever he sees improvement....the sight of me irate and crying seems to be the only way to get things back to "normal"....it's like there's a problem if I'm in a good mood and he has to ruin it.He also started this a year ago when I decided I wanted to get therapy.Why is he behaving this way?Why isn't he happy and supportive towards my desire to better my life(our life).

Answer 1

Because he is insecure. If he puts you down and makes you feel less than what you are then it makes him feel bigger. I would not stay in this relationship. Get out and start living again. Good luck

Answer 2

3 R's
Relationships
Require
Respect.

He does not seem to respect you. He adored you when you were weak and needed him, now he fears that their may be a day when you are truly strong, and once you need him no more, you will choose to walk away. He is trying to control you and keep you weak. He doesn't realize that with love and respect and him nurturing your emotional growth, that in the end you will be with him not because you need him, but because you choose him, which is really a greater reward.
You're gaining strength and courage which are all good things, if he can not nurture that and help you to grow with him, you need to step away. You really need to take some time to retreat into your own thoughts and decide if he is helping you or hindering you. If it is the latter, discuss it with him, and let him know what your goals are, and that those goals 100% include him, and no matter how strong you grow as an individual, you will always be strongest when you have him. Massage his ego without caving in underneath him. And also respect him, if he has been there and loved you through your depression and all, it could be that he is trying to shelter you -- which is just as frustrating. But you have to discuss it with him.

Answer 3

He is scared he is going to loose you, he may think that the stronger and more independant you become the more your outlook on life with him will change. Have you spoken with him? You certainly dont need someone bringing you down especially when your still young and looking for a better life, which you deserve. I just think he is scared to loose the person that he met when you first started out, show and tell him that everything may change but the person that he fell in love with is still there, he just needs to choose to see it. As long as he knows that his in the big picture, he should stop acting the way he is. Try to include him in the new things you are doing if you arent already, more importantly talk with him opposed to to him about how you both feel.

Answer 4

The Ball and Chain replace into used to maintain prisoners from shifting around too plenty while working outdoors and out of doors the detention center. A heavy ball, movable yet very heavy replace into related via a collection to the prisoner's leg. It replace into sufficient to permit a definite volume of loose circulate, yet to strickly cut back something previous the size of the chain. Ther prisoner would would desire to litterally %. up the Ball and carry it with him to the hot paintings web site. Your brother's spouse, as pictured via your brother, delivers a similar restrection. he's allowed some potential to circulate, yet no longer the style of freedome he would desire. possibly he can circulate out ingesting, yet on condition that he takes his spouse with him. not greater (or much less) nights out with boys etc. of path the term could be utilized as an enderment or in a fairly comical way. Dont take it from basically the utilization that his spouse is fairly all that undesirable.

Answer 5

I've heard of this happening. Some men have this thing for "rescuing". He fears that if you don't need rescuing, you won't need him. I heard this is pretty common when obese women lose a lot of weight. It's ironic really.

Your best bet is to try to get him to go to a couple's counselor with you. Maybe through a counselor he can see that there are ways to still give you support even when you're not depresseed, unemployed, and over weight. And perhaps your counselor can help you to communicate assurance to him - that you still need him and love him even though you're getting better.

There is further discussion about "rescuing" in that not-so-silly book called "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus."

Good luck with everthing. It sounds like one of you is going in the right direction.

Oh, yeah - it just occurred to me. He may also be co-dependant. Do a google search on that and you'll find lots of articles. When you're discussing things with him, don't make the mistake of using these labels...talk about the actual issues at hand and assure him that you love him, but that you also need to love yourself, etc., etc.

Answer 6

I say to you its time to move on and get on with your life now, you have done so well to come out of the dark situation you have been and you dont want to go back. In fact your "breadwinner" is indirectly abusing you too and you dont need him, you have been through enough. Sounds like you have brains and would be able to make a go of it on your own, you will meet someone one day who will treat you with the love and respect you so rightfully deserve. Hes the one with the problem, look after yourself.

Answer 7

My guess at this could be way off base.....Guys go into a relationship with a mentality of, "what you see is what you get"...women go into it with hopes and possibilities of what it can be. You're changing.....he probably simply feels threatened by you being better. Could be insecurity....you get better (more appealing) and he could be afraid that "someone better" will notice you and draw you away.

There is a darker possibility some men just thrive on women whom they can control. The higher your self-esteem the less you'll let him dominate you.

Take a serious look at your life with him and try to figure out if he's a nice guy that is insecure or a bad guy who you need to get away from

Answer 8

He is a control freak and wants to hamstring any positive progress you make at building self-esteem. He is afraid that once you get things sorted out, start attending classes to better yourself, you won't have to rely on him at all, thus, he loses control of you.

Continue the therapy, school, work a job etc, don't let this jerk hold you back. If possible dump the guy and do all these things on your own. You can do this. I know you can. Keep working out cause the better you feel physically and the changes in your body will make you feel better about yourself.

Please don't let this controlling jerk hold you back. You deserve better.

Answer 9

he is very insecure, he liked it better when you were depressed he had full control over you, but now that you are doing things on your own and you don't need him in that way maybe he thinks you will leave him. try talking to him, and if that don't work than you have to move on its for the best.

Answer 10

Because he doesn't feel like you need him anymore, he is worried that you'll get strong enough and find someone else. He needs you to need him. When you are struggling he feels like your knight n shining armor, but when you are strong and good he feels insecure.