He was e-mailing women from his business MySpace account, telling them how hot they were and asking them to contact him. I discovered this not 5 minutes after he swore that he would never cheat on me! I kicked him out, but I feel like an absolute idiot! We've only been married 2 1/2 months!!!! I always had a gut instinct that he would cheat and I listened to him instead of my heart. My best friend says that since he really didn't cheat (that I know of) that I shouldn't file for divorce just yet... that I should try to work it out. I have lost all trust and respect for him and I don't know that he could ever earn those back! What do I do? I am devastated, but furious all at once. I never thought my marriage would be as short as a celebrity's!!!!!!!!!! I am so heartbroken, PLEASE someone tell me what to do!!!!!!!!!!
2007-02-10 20:44:20 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In answer to where he is sleeping, supposedly at a friend's house, but he also had a voicemail from a woman today on his cell saying she missed him and offering kisses! He said that his friend's cell phone was cut off and that the friend's girlfriend was just leaving a message for her boyfriend, and not for my husband! What a lying sack of you know what!
2007-02-10 20:52:58 · update #1
No, he doesn't earn enough to support me... I am the ultimate doting wife, even this morning, I made sure he was well fed, as I do every morning. I have suffered through his ex taking his kids away from him. I have done more than any new wife should be expected to do. As for whether monogamy was discussed, yes, since the day we met, I made it clear that cheating was unacceptable, and he swore that he would never cheat! Just today, when I questioned him about the odd voicemail, he asked me why would he have married me if he wanted to sleep with others?
2007-02-10 21:04:53 · update #2
seek marriage counseling. this is close enough to cheating....the intention was there!
if he is refuses to go then it is better to end your marriage now rather than 10 years and 3 kids from now.
2007-02-10 20:49:22 · answer #1 · answered by tiffany 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look honey.. First of all, you should calm down and try and be logical about the situation.
In reality, most men cheat. It's just that some are more cleaver and don't get caught. But I have to admit that I'm surprised about the timing of this attempt, two months into the marriage and he is slipping. Now that's a little alarming.
The decision in completely up to you. You have to put things on a scale and see if the positive side is heavier or the negative side.Is he giving more or is he taking more.
keep in mind that marriage is a sacred thing and you should at least try and work things out before getting a divorce. For the moment just try and keep your cool, and don't over react.
I wish you best of luck!
2007-02-10 20:55:30 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry Honey, but u got urself a serial cheater! He's a professional without a confessional. Firstly, do u plan to have children? What kind of man will he teach his own children 2b?consider that 2b a BIG factor. Marriage is an institution, no lie. You can build ur whole life around it. In this case know that u will never be happy, u will always think that u made a mistake --sold urself short--begin to wonder if u even still believe in true love--that fact will make u easy prey for the next Romeo ie; an affair of ur own. Crossing ur own moral ground stirs Great Depression and a Big Crack in the Mirror. Why go to such lengths for some one who obviously suffers no such pangs of moral consciousness? My suggestion, get out now while u r still young and can find someone else. U will be depressed for some time, however next time u will listen to ur gut because U knew U were right the first time! A man who answers to God instead of that thingy will be a much better lover in every way. I am so sorry that ur going thru this but put on ur big gurl panties cuz ur about to get REal SmaRt. NOBODY goes thru life without learning opportunities and this one is YOURS!
P.s. (phone story is a dead give-away.)
2007-02-10 21:29:36 · answer #3 · answered by KK 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate that this happens to soooo many people. You were right to remove him from your house. He is like a cancer that will drain the life out of you. I've been there. Emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse, and a sin in the mind is a sin in the flesh, he has betrayed you and you are hurt, he cheated. He has not forsaken all others, he is simply waiting for the next chance to pounce. You didn't go with your gut before you married him, because you had an illusion fueled by your heart, now it appears that your heart has come to the same conclusion your gut had known all along. Be greatful that you realized now instead of 2 1/2 years from now. He will not straighten up, and he will not get this out of his system. Leave now. You foolowed your gut and your heart in unison this time, stick with it and do not let this swine back into your life. My ex's attraction was the girl in his office and internet porn. and I had the same gut feeling, it just took me 2 years to bring my heart around, and 5 more years to leave.
One of the best peices of advice my dad ever gave me was this:
"If you leave him, leave him forever. The first time you leave, and then let him back into your life, he knows he can play his game on you forever." I walked away that day and never looked back.
2007-02-10 21:20:23 · answer #4 · answered by picture . . . perfect 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get yourself to a counselor.
I suppose it's possible to "save the marriage" by seeing a couples counselor, but I don't know.
Trust is something that once lost, is near to impossible to recover. Without trust, your relationship doesn't have much of a chance. A professional can help, but is that what you truly want?
2007-02-10 20:51:30 · answer #5 · answered by J F 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't tolerate cheating and that to me is a form of cheating whether there was physical contact or not. If it was me in your situation the divorce papers would be signed by me already. My sister just recently got out of a relationship where the online stuff got way out of hand. Her boyfriend was spending HOURS looking at porn and he was subscribed to a singles website. She found pictures of him holding his b.oner in front of the computer while looking at the naked girl...which he sent to the girls of course telling them how much he wanted them and blah blah! She left him and is much happier now. I don't tolerate cheating in any way, shape or form...I would divorce him before your 10 years, 4 kids into the marriage and miserable! Make this life altering decision with one person in mind, one person to consider in all aspects...YOU. Good Luck Hun!
2007-02-10 21:11:07 · answer #6 · answered by Isabella's Mommy Expecting #2 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well a marrige cannot work with out trust that is the main thing and if you feel like you are not going to be able to trust him then it's not going to work. however if you think you could try to work it out and you want to then you should try. if you don't want to the don't listen to anyone else or worry about what people are saying go ahead and file for divorce and try to pick up the peices. always trust your heart and your gut.
2007-02-10 21:02:13 · answer #7 · answered by insane illusions 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You already listened to your fury, and took the immediate step, without considering or thinking. But then who wouldnt ? I mean, more than fury, its the shock or sadness that got over you, and with 2 1/2 months (60+ days), I know you have been disappointed.
But then something that you have written here bothers me. You say that you ''always had a gut instinct that he would cheat, and you listened to him than your heart'', and what exactly prompted you to say that, I mean obviously looks like there have been several things piled up in your mind, but you decided to give him a chance anyway....I think you should (now that you have reacted, and you are in the ''thinking'' phase) about all that, try to understand, while also keeping in mind what it could about you that he needs to do something like that. Dont feel bad, I do not mean that you are bad, or something missing in you, but just telling you to find out what is really missing between both of you and not you alone as an individual. It is difficult to trust again, but I have seen it does work to give a second chance. We all have our own little wandering around, from an innocent flirting or staring at someone beautiful / handsome, to talking to the person of the opposite sex which you find flattering. So, before divorce, you must sit and talk to him, and ask him exactly how he thinks of continuing the relationship with you, see what he has to say, see how much he convinces you, see whether he is really genuine and this time listen to your heart. Your pride and anger may not allow you to be really ''nice'' with him, so you could start on lines like ...''''now where do we go ?...this is what i have been feeling and you allowed what i felt to be right...so could you tell me now, both of us, where do we stand...and most importantly, i would like you to tell me the truth...even if what you say may hurt me, its better to be honest between each other....''''Also another thing is before this 2 1/2 months, you might have been going around with him, so you may have to take all the time you have spent with this man. And look, please dont consider internet as a source of ''cheating'', so many people in here are anonymous, so many people have a good time chatting up something thats fantasy, and they dont really mean what they say, probably just experimenting, or getting naughty, playful and just being silly from their real life....its really not getting ''involved'', and I am sure you know that. So as your freind says, she is right, he wasnt ''really really cheating'' on you...give him a second chance, and try to work it out by just letting this pass as something playful, or something in fact even you could just share in, you know, like probably finding out more, or even just going through all those things together....
good luck
2007-02-10 21:03:53 · answer #8 · answered by arya 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wish I would have followed my first instinct, I would have saved myself a lot of years of grief. Here is something your not going to want to hear?.........I'm divorced now cuz I caught him doing the same thing, but as time went on the truth started coming out and he was doing it the whole time and not just emails...........sorry
2007-02-10 20:58:35 · answer #9 · answered by Skinz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as he keeps his contact only on line and not in person, I feel there is nothing wrong in what he is doing. You are over reacting. How do you know you will not find the same thing in your next guy or the next and so long and so long.
Just analyze your relationship keeping this on line affair away for some time.
Does he love you?
Does he cares for you?
Is he good and nice with you while having sex with you?
Does he earn enough to support you?
If answer to all these question is YES,I feel you are at fault.
2007-02-10 20:59:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
HATE TO TELL YA THIS BUT I FEEL THAT APPROX. 85 % OF MEN LOOK ONLINE AT CHICKS, IT JUST HAPPENS. BUT HE TRIED TO HAVE CONTACT? YIKES, HE PUSHED THE ENVELOPE. MARRIED ONLY 2 1/2 MONTHS, LORD WILL YOU GIVE YOUR GUESTS THEIR MONEY BACK?
YEAH CELEBRITIES ARE A JOKE, BUT MAYBE YOU GUYS CAN WORK IT OUT, HOW DOES HE FEEL AT THIS TIME? YOU MOST LIKELY WILL NOW ALWAYS BE SUSPICIOUS OF HIM, WON'T YOU? HAVING A SUSPICIOUS WOMAN AROUND SUCKS!
YOU KICKED HIM OUT? WHERE IS HE SLEEPING IN A TENT IN THE WOODS?
2007-02-10 20:49:59 · answer #11 · answered by godzillasagoodman 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋