How do one can control his anger? Are there any techniques to help improve your anger management?

Question

More recently I am feeling that I am getting angry very very quickly at home. To the extent that I slapped children as well. Although I repent later on, but I don't know how to stop this. I admit being quick tempered but it use to be under control. Any methods/ways to bring your anger in control and manageable?

Answer 1

always take a deep breath and count slowly to ten before you do or say anything. Believe me it helps alot. I have four children and they are all still alive because of this technique...Good luck and congratulations on recognizing your problem.

Answer 2

You give very little information about a very troubling problem. Perhaps you can fill in a few more details for us.

It is said that anger is a "cover emotion", in other words you get angry instead of dealing with the deeper fears and other feelings you may be having at the moment. You may be so quick to anger that you are scarcely aware of the underlying feelings you suppress with the act of acting out in anger.

You probably need counseling on this. It is not easy to sort out feelings that have been buried and covered over for years with unhealthy behaviors. If you fill us in on a few more details maybe we can be more helpful. What makes you angry? Who makes you angry? Why? What are you afraid of? You can't get help if you can't talk about it. Its your choice.

Answer 3

There are anger management courses you can take that will help you to control your anger, but in the mean time, take a deep breath and count to 10 before you do any thing like hitting the children.

Answer 4

There are a few techniques you can used to improve your anger.....
(1) you can count from one to ten.
(2) pay no at tension to the person who makes you angry.
(3) Just sing a song that you know , that make you happy.

Answer 5

Your anger is probably a symptom of something deeper. Find a counselor with whom you can talk things out. Having a person with whom you can confide is really the best way to deal with this.

Answer 6

Why are there so many angry people in our world today?

What is making us explode either silently or obviously?

Suppressing Anger

Many people don't like to admit they're angry. They don't like confrontation and don't know how to cope. They shy away from the anger because they don't know how to receive it or how to handle it. The easiest way is to bury their feelings and to get past the anger situation as quickly as they can - without confrontation - without accepting the fact that something is wrong. There is a root to the anger and that root is planted somewhere….

Some people are perfectionists who never want to appear rattled so they maintain a veneer of existing above problems associated with anger. They put on a good front and pretend to feel no tension at all. They would be surprised if anyone suggested they were angry and challenged - they deny it. Is that you?

When you see someone in such a rage that they "lose it" how do you feel?

What to do when you feel angry..

Some people are afraid that they will be rejected if they express how they really feel. IF they have a different opinion to someone else they fear retaliation even if they demonstrate uniqueness. They are convinced that their outward expressions will come to no good and end up saying "what's the use?" internally (mentally). The suppression of their anger gives a feeling of personal defeat.

Confide in a friend how you feel. Confront your feelings. Scary, yes, but healthier in the long run and this will keep you on the right track. Write down how you feel on a piece of paper.

If you are having real difficulties and this is affecting your health you should consider seeing your doctor.

Open Aggression - the easiest to recognize.

It is blatant and includes physical, threatening, bullying, emotional blackmail, accusing, verbal shouting etc. It includes explosiveness, rage, intimidation and blame. It can also include bickering, criticism, griping and sarcasm. Open aggression comes from such a strong focus on personal needs that there is a powerful insensitivity to the needs of others.

Much anger is related to trivial imperfections that simply won't go away. Problems will be part of our world. We are all different and this will be in every relationship - this can be frustrating to us all at times.

This may be an option for expressing anger but not a good one. You will have recurring power plays in your relationships until you learn how to manage your anger.

Passive aggression - stuffing it down inside

Some people don't want to succumb to the temptation to be rageful - they recognize open aggression is disrespectful and refuse to explode loudly or get caught in games of verbal abuse.

Does this apply to you?

When I am frustrated I become silent, knowing it bothers other people

I am prone to sulk and pout

When I don't want to do a project I will procrastinate. I can be lazy

When someone asks if I am frustrated I will lie and say "No, everything is fine"

There are times when I am deliberately evasive so others won't bother me.

Passive aggression is caused by a need to have control. You have a strong competitive spirit. You are out to win. Healthy relationships do not keep the score of right or wrong but the passive aggressive person wants to win. This can perpetuate unwanted tension and is unhealthy.

Assertive anger - a healthy approach

Assertive anger preserves the personal worth, needs and convictions of self while considering the needs and feelings of others. This form of anger can help relationships to grow. It shows someone has maturity and stability. True assertiveness is not harsh or abrasive. Assertive anger should be done in a manner that keeps the door open when confronting an issue.

I.e. A parent can state guidelines for discipline without being answered back. When swamped by more responsibilities that he or she can manage a person can request help from friends A tired mom can tell her family she will take a thirty-minute break with no interruptions.

Your goal should be to communicate your emotions in a constructive way. If you feel disrespected or ignored and do nothing to properly address your needs, eventually you will become sour and your contributions to relationships will be negative. This can also affect your health as the negative stress can, over a prolonged period of time, cause health difficulties. Assertiveness allows you to keep a clean slate with others.

Make sure the issues are not trivial.

Expend your emotional energy on subjects that matter.

It is trivial to argue about the little things like what socks someone wears, but it is legitimate to address annoying habits.

Be aware of your tone of voice ensuring you have respect for others - speak the truth in love.

Look at your relationships. What are some legitimate needs you may need to confront? (My brother ignores me when I ask him to help with some of the chores)

What will you do to ensure your behaviour is assertive rather than aggressive?

Dropping anger - a healthy option - "letting it go..."

There are times when it is just not appropriate to be assertive or you know it will not work ie at work you may not be able to control the circumstances or feel equipped to handle a situation. This means you may have to tolerate the differences or choose to forgive.

I.e. A son recognizes that his father has chosen not to love him. Rather than carry a grudge he decides to forgive his father while charting a new style of fathering his own children.

Rather than griping about company policy an employee decides that no job is perfect and he will do his best work in spite of the way the company works.

Look at yourself and ask these questions and journal your responses

Letting go of my anger is difficult because...

I realize life isn't always fair, so I need to accept...

How do you deal with your anger?

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Answer 7

When you start getting angry try to clear your head, breathe deep and slow, go for a walk, or sit in a secluded quiet place.

Answer 8

Maybe you can try not to care. If you don't care, then you won't get any major emotions. Or maybe just explain why you're angry calmly so it won't be just you that understands why you feel that way.

Answer 9

I have the same problem. I have no solution for it.