Learning to trust again?

Question

Its been almost 8 years since my divorce. Yet I still have yet to have a serious relationship. I seem to have a wall in my mind blocking all attempts at trusting women again. Alot of it is because I'm active military and my wife left me while I was deployed. (quite a common thing for military people) Is there a tactic to balance the job I love with finding a woman to love?

Answer 1

You just need to get out there and start dating.
You know the need to face your fears head on. This is one of them.
Good Luck

Answer 2

That's a hard one.. if you are a career military guy then you need to find a way to have her with you as much as possible.. there are not many women out there who want to get married just to be alone! I certainly wouldn't want that. Maybe you should just try being single. Don't try to keep one woman while being with several others.. be honest, be a man of your word.

You have to look at it this way.. the reason you have a wall up is because you know deep down... it's not gonna work if she only gets to see you once or twice a year. Your job comes first and that is obvious.. therefore you have to realize that what you think you want is not what you need. Marriage is not conducive to the life you have to offer.. if I am way off base.. then by all means...fill me in.

Answer 3

Perhaps you are particular about who you choose to mate with, thats a good thing! You know, all of us are sacred at some point and most of us get our hearts broken and illusions shattered at some point and can either choose to shut down more or less permanently or can learn to love more completely and with more wisdom. Sometimes the right person is worth waiting for. The right person will strengthen what you love to do, such as your work, not make you choose. The question is,do you have enough courage to open your heart up again and be vulnerable? Because thats what it takes to really love, and thats what true strength is. I dont know about "tactics", only about being open hearted with your eyes also open, discerning, and patient.

Answer 4

I am sorry about what your ex did to you- but I give you credit for attempting to look/seek advice on how to move on. Many in your experience would just lable all woman crap b/c of the actions of one and never try again. so god bless ya- as for your question- remember what your were taught in boot camp- follow your gut and go two steps more- if you have a common ground with a womaa- dont just stop- go a little further-ask another question make another gesture- and wait for her answer/reply- when it's done -do it again- this is how you build/earn trust. At a point let her know your prior experience and not that your "comparing" but hesitant- and if she cares for you she'll will understand. But also-dont assume she's "hooking up elsewhere" if you dont hear from here every minute. Every other woman in the world is not your ex so out of fairness you have to let every other show themselves to you in their way. Be patient, be kind, be surprised- we're not all dogs. Blessing to you and keep safe, and let your heart tell you what to do. It's worked for me for 14 years.

Answer 5

I don't know if there is a tactic but I know it is a battle not only to find someone but to find someone you can trust. I believe that if there is a special someone for you that someone will come in your life at the right time, at the right moment and I don't think you would have to worry about your military duties because she will understand and that will be a challenge for you both to work on. So wait and see.....

Answer 6

it is hard to learn how to trust but have some faith and you might be suprised