My husband doesn't want to have children with me until he's ready, the problem is, I am ready right now and..

Question

and have been waiting for him to be ready for 2 years now. He is in school earning his PhD and I've noticed an increase in our arguments within this past year. I feel that it is because of my unhappiness within our relationship because I so want to start a family. Recently he has told me that one of the reasons he doesnt want one right now is because of our fights. My question is is it possible for a couple to carry on if one party wants something completely different than the other as serious as this. I love my husband and want to have a family with him but I feel that I am running out of time (i am 31yrs).

DD

Answer 1

You still have time. Having children is a HUGE commitment and responsibility. If someone isn't ready yet, you shouldn't pressure them. If you think you are arguing a lot more now, just wait until children come along and take away the attention that you normally give to your husband. A lot of men have a hard time adjusting to the sudden change in attention they receive from their wives when a baby is born. Your husband has valid points for wanting to wait, and you have valid points for wanting to have children now. I think that talking to a neutral party, such as a counselor, can help you both understand each other's perspective a little bit better and can help you to work out a plan that makes you both happy. Best wishes to you!

Answer 2

It sounds like your husband is not only focused on his goal, but also stressed. Since you are 31, why not enjoy life together for a few more years, and support each other through these times, not add stress. Your biological clock is ticking but it is no where near 'running out'. Let him complete his goal, then readdress your desire. Also, really look at why you are so rushed or desperate at this time to have a baby. His goal is as important as yours, and possibly moreso as he will be making a living while you are home with the children. Life goes by so quickly, slow down and enjoy it. I have a feeling if you readjust and accept that the timeline is another two years off, or however long your husband has in school, you might find a much more condusive home life. Be proud of him, as there are so many less than desirable guys out there! Sounds like you have a keeper! Good luck to you! Remember ... time flys so soon your dream will arrive ...

Answer 3

You might ask when he thinks he might be ready. Try to find out if he reasonably has a time in mind or if it is just an excuse. Maybe he wants to have his Phd first. Or maybe he has a job position in mind. Marriage does usually produce offspring, so you are not out of line there. Women are successfully having babies later on, but that is your decision, you don't want to be retiring when the child is in high school. Marriage is a partnership and things need to be worked out. If you think that you might possibly want to leave him over it, you might want to wait. Hope that you can get it amicably worked out.

Answer 4

He's working on a Phd right now. He's under a lot of stress. Now is not the time for children. Maybe you can't appreciate graduate school, but try and understand what he's going through. Put it off and stop whining about it. If it's important, bring it up in an intelligent and reasonable way, but whining and turning all 'omgz babies!' on him is just going to lead to an argument.

Answer 5

well what did u guys agree on be4 u got married coz if u did not just rush into it but it maybe not be a good time to get kids if u guys are fighting coz then he will blame most things on u when issues raise or maybe he just does not wanna be with u and he wants not to be tied to u either way if i was u till i figured out what is the matter i would not rush the kids part and nope u r still young atleast for another 10yrs be4 u start thinking of being late to have a kid

Answer 6

This is a serious situation. What you just said here, you should say directly to him. You should ask him that question. Tell him how important it is to you and that if he's not interested in children (because you can't just get pregnant...always that easily) then he should be good enough to you to let you know and let you go if that's the case. It is certainly reason enough to leave a marriage if you want children and your spouse does not because that's a really big deal.

Answer 7

You two really need to come to a compromise. But from my experience when I got it in my head that I wanted our second child nothing would stop me. And until the day I found out I was pregnant his life was pure H---! Good luck with this, I honestly think if both of you stick to your guns on what each of you want your marriage will not survive all the turmoil. I wish y'all the best!

Answer 8

Ummmm.....wait about 11 months(whilst NEVER bringing the subject up-he'll never suspect)...secretly go off the pill....
i know but heck, the family wouldnt let him leave you and he'll
be forced to become a man.
You show that you are more than willing to take full care of the
baby, although he'll be forced to eventually and make it a loving
bond to bring the two of you closer....
Good Luck....Its worked for a friend of mine

Answer 9

A child will not fix the problem. It sounds like it will add new ones. A child is a new life, and a lot of responsibility. Don't go there lightly...

Answer 10

your right.20s isthe best age tohave ababy yourin early 30s now . .Toolate is not good .Inall angles it is good time to have a baby.But dont fight with ur hobby.He has certain fears .first understad them.Think yourself the solutions.Disscuss
with him(not argue)Reach a solution (even though it is via media)accept it. FIRST CREATE AFAVOURABLE ATMOSPHERE INYOUR HOUSE>THEN FOLLOW MY PLAN OF ACTION