Helpful or enabling? Where do you draw the line and cut someone loose?

Question

Would you loan a friend money, even if it was for something you thought was wrong, or something they did not really need? Would you let them stay in your home? For how long? Would you drive them somewhere, give them bus fare, or let them borrow your car? Where do you think helping is hurtful?

Answer 1

If you continue to help this person, they will never have a reason to help themself. Sometimes they have to struggle on their own before they wake up an realize, they should'nt be taking advantage of other people to make their own life easy.( Im not talking about letting someone go hungry, or be out in the cold) But some people will use you as long as you allow it. We cant be taken advantage of unless we allow it.9 i know this is hard especially if you ae kind hearted and they always have a sob story about how unfair life has been to them) Some people will never try on their own if people make it easy on them.

Answer 2

I've been in this situation more then I would've (as the giver), I believe that you give when you have, you do when you can, and I do believe that you should always be there for a friend or family member or anyone in need but I also believe that it becomes harmful when you see that person becoming only dependent on what you do for them. For example if you give them money and then they get fired or lose their job and they are only kicking back on your sofa everyday while you are out working then you know you have to stop giving out your cash. So basically judge it by the person and how they take to your generosity.

Answer 3

without knowing the entire situation, i think its difficult to say exactly what's the best course of action, but i believe a good way to decide the question you ask is to ask if you see a positive change in their situation from the "help" youv'e been giving them..

if letting them stay in your home, giving them money... etc seems to be improving their situation, in that they are moving in a direction towards your front door on the way to their jnew job, and in a direction away from what put them on your couch in the first place, than keep on doing what youve been doing, otherwise you should change your actions

good luck to you and your friend

Answer 4

Loan? Probably not. Too much downside.

Hanging at my place: yes, if I trusted them not to swipe stuff. Not for more than two weeks.

Drive them: probably. Loan my car: never.

You're enabling them if your behavior allows them to not suffer the consequences of their misbehavior.