My friend is 17, and has fallen pregnant. She's about three months along, and has decided to keep the baby - it's due in August. How can I best support her through this?
Also, the father of the child knows that she's pregnant, but she doesn't want him to have any role in the baby's life once it's born...she doesn't think that he will want to, but wants to know if it's ok for her to tell him she lost the baby (he lives a couple of hours away) so that he won't have any reason to contact her or try to get custody. What should she tell the father? or should she just n ot contact him at all?
2007-02-10 15:56:16 · 9 answers · asked by Natalie G 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Well a reality check is the first thing.
Her parents need to help her and get her some medical and legal assistance.
SHE must by LAW have the father involved.
If she wants no child support ever, then he must legally sign a prepared document "voiding all parental rights" to the child.
If she trys to apply for welfare or finacial support than she needs him too. SO lying about the child dieing is not legal and she can be sued and loose her child (seen it) for that mistake.
She must contact his parents if he is under 18 as well.
You know- that may be a wonderful thing. YOU NEVER KNOW>
once the shock wears off.
Being underage , technically her parents can cover her medical expenses, yet the legal issue is still there.
She needs to talk to her parents #1 then get a lawyer #2.
As a best friend, help her take physical and emotional care of herself and the baby. You can sit with her for the doctor appts. and when the "family" has the big talk about whats happening.
Will she have graduated HS by then? IF not SHE MUST. So plans need to be made so she goes back to school in the Fall. A GED won't work- trust me. This not an option, so find a way to help her see that. Baby needs Mommy with a college degree to support him. Most Junior colleges and Univeristies have onsite daycare while you are in class. Talk seriously to her about it.
These little guys are really expensive... She can work at night, while baby sleeps at Grandmas house. Its best. TRUST ME>
Starbucks offers wonderful insurance for its staff. Check it out.
Start now- buying stuff- NO fancy new stuff is needed.
Go to resale shops and wash it down with clorax bleach/ water/ and Lysol. Buy size 1 and 2 diapers and stockpile them and tape reciepts to them, so you can exhange or return them. Depending on the baby newborn diapers are only a week or a month. Average baby goes through 8-10 diapers per day for the first 6 months, here is some math for you.
GO to half price books and LOAD UP ON BOOKS.
BUY "what to expect when your expecting" That will walk you both through it. (get a copy for you to read as well) "The girlfriends guide to pregancy". several additions, doesn't matter, all of them are great.
Being a best friend most of all means being calm.
Help her make the right choices and support and love her when they don't work out.
2007-02-10 16:19:23 · answer #1 · answered by Denise W 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think the father has the right to know. I also think the child deserves child support, and the right to know it's father. There are alot of girls who have a baby at 17, many even younger. Just be there for her and the baby, offer to help babysit when she needs a break, etc. But do not encourage her to tell the father she lost the baby. It is an injustice to the baby.
2007-02-11 00:09:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The father has every right to know that he has a child in this world. If he doesn't step up tell your friend to bring him to court for child support. As far as him getting custody, she has nothing to worry about as long as she's a good parent and can support the child.
If she does not tell him then in the future, when she does wake up and realize she needs help supporting this baby, she will have to prove that hes the father
2007-02-11 00:24:28 · answer #3 · answered by Miranda S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She should not contact the father if he is acting that immature. You need to tell her to file for child support (she's going to need it) w/ the State. They may or may not grant visitation to the father, she may have to go to court for this. Just try to be there for her and be understanding of her needs and emotions. Don't drink, smoke, or use drugs around her (not saying you do) b/c being around these in pregnancy is not only harmful to the baby but can make the mother depressed if she once enjoyed these things recreationally. Go to doctors appointments w/ her, and help her pick out things for the baby. It's really great you want to be a good friend and support her and one day she will thank you for it.
I'm 23 years old and 25 weeks pregnant, and all my friends abandoned me b/c I can't drink anymore. So I think what you are doing is very mature.
2007-02-11 00:03:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
She needs to tell the father, doens't matter how childish he is being he has every right to know he is going to have a child.
She will need to see someone about claiming child support after the baby is born and book to see a docter ASAP.
2007-02-11 00:22:24 · answer #5 · answered by v.k_chick 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
she needs to tell him. what if he wants to be in the baby's life? she will need every form of support she can get, since she got herself pregnant. it takes 2 to make a baby, so that 2nd person needs to know. you don't "fall" pregnant, you have unprotected sex and get yourself pregnant. never confuse the two. i'm glad that she is deciding to keep the baby and be responsible for her actions, but the baby deserves to know it's father, unless he decides otherwise. if the baby doesn't have his last name, it makes it harder to collect support, etc later on.
2007-02-11 00:05:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
She should tell the baby's father the truth. He has the right to know.
2007-02-11 00:12:51 · answer #7 · answered by llama_face99 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think she should tell the father the truth..the father has a right to know that he has a child!
2007-02-11 00:00:11 · answer #8 · answered by Felicia 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't help her financially during pregnancy then he has no legal right after the baby is born.
2007-02-11 00:00:11 · answer #9 · answered by Peggy Pirate 6 · 0⤊ 4⤋