My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now. We always fight about the same thing: marijuana. I don't smoke and I am adamently opposed to doing recreational drugs. I don't believe in putting foreign substances into your body to change the way you feel. My boyfriend tends to get depressed quite easily and uses marijuana to deal with his feelings. He is addicted to it now.
He has promised me multiple times that he would quit and has repeatedly lied. I just found out that he has lied again. I don't know what to do! I love him more than anything, but I can't see myself married to someone who does drugs and lies to me. I'm tired of having to wonder every night that he goes out with friends if he is going to smoke. On our wedding day, I don't want to wonder whether he smoked at his bachelor's party. I'm fed up, but I really can't imagine my life without him. Please help!
2007-02-10 15:53:33 · 24 answers · asked by Confused 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
dont let the fear of being without him stop you from doing whats necessary... i have been with my boyfriend for almost two years, so i know what you feel when you say that you cannot imagine your life without him. if he has an addiction, it will be almost impossible for him to stop on his own, without professional help. if this requires him to seek professional help, then you must help him do it... it is not only about your relationship, but about his life and how marijuana will hurt him, and maybe kill him... if you tried to help him and you cant, then you have to let him go. you have lived without him, you can do it again... you cannot be jus addicted drugs, but to people...
Also think that if he has lied to you about that think about how he can also lie to you about everything else...
2007-02-10 16:07:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't really care what you think or feel for this guy, but you need to dump his sorry little a s s. I know that you probably love him and can't imagine your life without him, but...get real, please! He's lied to you multiple times and doesn't respect your wishes. I see where you stand on the marijuana issue, as I'd want my guy to respect my wishes, but it's his body and that's his choice. There's nothing you can do about that. If he's going to do this, let him go. Can you see yourself living with a drug addict? Have you ever heard of anything good coming from that? Think long and hard this before you make a huge mistake. <3
2007-02-11 00:21:55 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going through the exact same thing at the moment. I started dating my boyfriend in August of last year. A few weeks later we were having a casual conversation one night and I told him about my cousin and how his life had changed for the worst when he was doing drugs and how addiction was a fact in my family as my dad and a great-uncle died from alcoholism, so I didn't want to be around someone who did drugs or drank excessively. He confessed to me a few days later that he was currently doing drugs, marijuana, and had experimented with cocaine, crack, and alcohol. He pledged to give it up.
He confessed to me this morning, that he had been doing drugs, no specifics as to which ones, for the past month.
He's desperate to change his life. I feel he has this awesome potential to be and do anything, but he had a horrible childhood and I know that's the reason he uses drugs as an escape.
My fear is that he won't be able to remain drug free. So, just as you are, I'm at a crossroads.
2007-02-12 18:34:09 · answer #3 · answered by 07october 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you can't imagine your life without the person you wish he was, which, unfortunately is everything he is minus the drugs. A year is a long time to carry on with someone with whom you have this glaring difference and you know you are getting further into this situation that isn't going to improve. Sorry to say it sounds like a deal breaker, but it's only for you to decide. Sounds like you have. Don't compromise if you feel this strongly. You shouldn't have to worry about him. Don't make this about picking you or drugs...it's not...it's just 2 different lifestyles that will never mesh.
2007-02-11 00:23:10 · answer #4 · answered by graybear 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but you are dating a Drug Addict.
Lets look at the facts as we know them. He is using illegal drugs on a regular basis, and doesn't want to stop, even to please you.
You have been putting up with his behavior so far, so you must be getting something out of the relationship yourself, even though he lies to you and treats you like a doormat.
This is really more about you than about him. What is it about this chronically depressed, selfish drug addict that you really like?
Do you feel unworthy of having a better partner? One that is drug free, not selfish and self-centered, and not depressed all the time? Are you afraid to be on your own? Afraid to put your own health, safety and personal well-being first?
Look, I'm sure he has his good qualities. But by staying, you are enabling him to continue his bad and self-destructive behavior. You are his co-addict. Do him a favor and leave him, so he can start to face the consequences of his addiction. Tell him that if he gets treatment and remains drug free for a year, to look you up again.
2007-02-11 00:18:05 · answer #5 · answered by bearvarine 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can understand not wanting to leave him becuase you love him and i can understand you standing to you beliefs. When you boyfriend gets the need to smoke you need to go up to him and just ask him would you rather do this or be with me and if he chooses to smoke its not right that hes with you. If there is no trust in a relationship than you shouldn't be in it. I know how hard it is to imagine being without the one you love but you sound like you are on the rioght road and you could be succseful and know what you want in life and you shouldn't be stopped by something you can change.
2007-02-11 00:06:35 · answer #6 · answered by esca di prigione 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would dump him and not call him. If he calls for the first week dont answer until enough time has gone by so you know that he wants to be with you and that he is willing to give up his addiction. You might want to also try an intervention. That normaally works because it lets them see how the ones that love him feel about his addiction. Hope this helps!
2007-02-11 15:46:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nobody ever likes to hear the words "let him go", but that 's the only advice I can give you if he's not willing to change. If he really is interested in quitting his bad habit, then he'll do it for you with alot of work and persistence... then you can help him, but if he shows no interest in quitting, there is nothing you can do to make him change his mind and that will always be a burden on you. If he persists on smoking it, then the best thing for you to do is to detach yourself from him and let him go. It's hard, but it's something you can do and for your own good you should do. Good luck to you.
2007-02-11 00:05:35 · answer #8 · answered by Faith . 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my God, I know exactly, completely, specifically what you are talking about. I had to break up with my boyfriend of 3 years recently because of pot. He never stopped. I saw him go from a loving guy with lots of ambition and potential, to a complete loser who treated me like crap every waking second. It was the hardest thing to do, too. He would always say, "Give me a chance, just one more chance baby." I had to say "NO."
I just wanna say, I don't care how "cool" and accepted marijuana is in our pop society, IT'S A SERIOUS DRUG!
I hate pot so much now that I'll NEVER get with a guy who thinks lightly of it.
"Confused"...... your boyfriend will (most likely) never stop. Do you really want to deal with that for the rest of your life?
http://www.adjab.com/images/2005/07/Marijuana-%2052.jpg
2007-02-11 00:07:34 · answer #9 · answered by Gypsy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course he lies. What do you expect? He wants to do something (drink, smoke, go out with his friends) and you don't like it. You are giving him no choice but to lie. Instead why don't you compromise: "let him" smoke on the weekends, or something. Your fanatical opposition to all mood altering substances is seriously out of step with modern American society. Your boyfriend is not the one who is abnormal. If you refuse to compromise on this and your boyfriend gives in to your wishes, he will wonder what else you will insist he give up in the future. This vision of a joyless controlled future might just be enough to drive him away.
2007-02-11 00:06:20 · answer #10 · answered by Bethany 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋