So i have recently realized that i am either bi or gay and i have a boyfriend right now. I have not told anyone yet (which also worries me cause im moving in with a bunch of friends next year and i dont want to scare them) We have been going out for over two months and he's already said that he loves me. That alone freiked me out. Now I am totally not interested in the realtionship. The problem is that he's a very good friend and a really sweet person and Im afraid I'll hurt him. Everytime he calls I just cant bring myself to answer the phone. I dont like confrontation but I dont think that he will break up with me and i feel like im gonna be forced to do it. i feel like a horrible person but im in college and i need to find out who I am. What do I do?
2007-02-10 15:38:20 · 11 answers · asked by Monkeybones 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
It sounds like you are not yet ready for a committed relationship, and you need to make this known to your boyfriend.
If you are not able to tell someone you love them and feel comfortable with them saying it to you, then you are probably not in a good place to have this sort of a relationship. Since your boyfriend does sound like he is ready for this, the relationship will likely go downhill unless one of you is able to change soon. This is probably unlikely to happen, so it's time to have a serious conversation with your friend.
Please, for the sake of your friend, tell him clearly that you are afraid that you are not ready for a committed relationship right now. There is no one else in particular that you're seeing or interested in seeing, but the thought of being with one person scares you right now. You don't know why this is, but it's a fact. And if you were ready to have that sort of a relationship, you think he would be a great match.
All of this will let him know that he is not to blame in any of this -- no one is. You are just at different points in your life right now. For many people, the moment they realize they are gay is not really the best time for them to settle down and date one person exclusively, as they are just not ready for that.
Your friend is probably experiencing some pain now because you are not answering his calls. Please help him and yourself by clearing this up as soon as you can.
One last piece of advice:
Don't live a double life when it comes to your friends. You need some people who you can be yourself with, and there's no point in having friends if you will continually have to play the role of someone you are not. There will be enough times in your life where you will feel the need to do this -- don't do it with the people you choose to have as your friends.
Best of luck
2007-02-10 15:49:50 · answer #1 · answered by DavidGC 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Finding out who we are is not an easy thing. I'm quite a bit older than college age and I still not exactly sure who I am.
I do believe though, that in relationships with the people we care about, it is always best to be honest. I understand that you don't want to hurt this person, but if you are not answering your phone, he must be beginning to wonder what is going on. If you don't talk honestly with him about this, then he can only guess what is going on, and that might hurt him even more than the truth.
If you talk to him with honesty and concern---even love, though perhaps not the kind of love he would like it to be---while he might not like it, it will not be devastating to him. It sounds like you'd want to continue the close friendship you have. That friendship, though it may not be exactly what he wants, is certainly something of value.
Be honest, that's my best advice. And good luck to you. I wish you well.
2007-02-10 23:49:48 · answer #2 · answered by tychobrahe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say , forget everything you ever heard about gays.
Just ask yourself if you love him. If you love him. then you can quit college. and be in love. you may never have this opportunity to love another man in a long time. You may never know what it truely is all about. I think you should get a rainbow flag. Or find a pink triangle and give it to him and kiss and you'll know that everything will be right in each others arms. you or him could get a job. you could foster kids. you could get married (in canada)
if your not ready to come out yet then I would end it. but there is so much illusion all around us. just know that he loves you and thats all that matters. Why not love him back. and become a success. thats how you beat others in the game.become a success. friends that don't love and respect you are not friends at all. don't be a slave SAIL don't drift.
2007-02-11 00:02:14 · answer #3 · answered by Raver Xeno 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you don't enjoy sex with him, you should end the relationship. If you still enjoy sex with him, ask him if he is interested in a threesom with another women. I don't know any guys that aren't. If you find another women who would also be interested, you can experiment and if you decide that you aren't really into women afterall, you haven't lost your guy friend, though he may be disappointed in being cut off from more threesomes, and secretly hope that you will want to try later.
2007-02-10 23:50:07 · answer #4 · answered by Martin Pedersen 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You HAVE GOT to gather your balls (or ovaries), pick up the phone, and tell him the truth. That is it. That is what you HAVE to do. If your friends are indeed your friends they are not going to kick you to the curb. What you're dealing with is common. Your friends will be adult and deal with it accordingly. But you CAN NOT keep hiding from it and him. That's not an option but for the mentally handicapped.
ps - your yahoo picture is like the pissed version of mine. perty funny...
2007-02-10 23:50:52 · answer #5 · answered by mia b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, he already knows that something is up, because you are avoiding him, which is causing him great pain because he opened up his heart to you and told you that he loves you. He is already hurting.
I think you should be honest with him, don't lead him on and hurt him even more. The poor guy is probably wondering what he did wrong. Let him know what a great guy he is and it is not his fault.
2007-02-10 23:46:02 · answer #6 · answered by funandsun20 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If you care about him (at least as a friend) then you need to be honest with him. Tell him that you're confused about your sexuality and you need some time on your own to figure it out. Let him know that you don't want to deceive him and lead him on and so you're ending it now.
2007-02-10 23:45:57 · answer #7 · answered by carora13 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Seems like everyone "comes out" in college--
Well for your situation, you just need to stop LYING TO YOURSELF. Bottom line.
He's a nice guy, ... you've got good friends--- JUST COME OUT.
It's not like you're going to get lynched.--- That is, unless of course ,you're in the middle of KKK Alabama country.
2007-02-10 23:44:32 · answer #8 · answered by What gives? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you are sweet and young, still in transition with your emotions and identity. Relax , find some good friends.
God loves you
2007-02-11 00:19:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
have to explain to him what is going on/ Let him know that you are sorry for mis leading hime. Ask him to be your support since you dont want everyone to know yet.
A tip If he threatens to tell everyone just tell him that you I tell everyone he is the one who turned you on to girls because sex with him was soooo terrible.lol I think he'll keep his mouth shut lol!!!
2007-02-10 23:58:11 · answer #10 · answered by vvviki2000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋