Single again, is there hope??

Question

I am recently divorced, and have three children. I do thnk I am very attractive, but feel like every guy would be so tatolly turnned off by my kids. I feel like I should not even try to act like I want to date, and just spend my life raising my kids. I mean I might get over never having sex again, right?(well maybe not). But do you think for real that there could still be hope for a single mom llike myself

Answer 1

This is my story. I went through a really messy divorce...I had 3 kids too. When we split, I was still in love with my ex. I thought I could never love again....thought like you did, that why would anyone want to get serious with me because I had a lot of baggage. As much as you think you are attractive, getting a divorce does all sorts of crazy things to your self esteem. Time is the only thing that will make you see things a lot more postively. At the moment the divorce is only fresh and naturally you are going to have so many unresolved issues...mainly about yourself. People used to tell me time is the best healer, and I am going to say that to you too...it is not a cliche, it is real. I was on my own for 5 years....I had to get to know myself again....I lost so much self esteem during the marriage. I didnt want to live at one point, I was so low. Time changed all that, but also with time, I did a lot of things for myself. I lost weight. I joined a gym, I did things to make me feel good about myself again. Then one day, when you least expect it, and its different for everyone, I felt different somehow, I felt I was worthwhile. I felt I had a lot to offer a man...my whole persona changed. I no longer loved my ex husband....I didnt hate him either...I felt a nothingness towards him.....it was something I honestly never believed I would feel. I thought I would feel miserable and alone for the rest of my life and my 3 kids, in my mind, just compounded the whole issue...In short, I felt at that time that I would live out the rest of my life on my own. Time changed that. My kids are a part of me, a part of my life, and they grow older and more independent, so they are not always going to be totally dependent on you, they will grow and find their own way in life, and maybe this is a good time for you to concentrate on you and your kids and not worry so much whether a man will think your 3 kids will be a burden. This is a time for you to do some healing. When the time is right a man will sweep you off your feet, he wont care whether you have 10 children...all he will care about is the love the two of you share. I think, you are right, but not for the reasons you are talking about...you need to take time out for you and your kids...get over your divorce...dont even think about getting involved with another man, not yet, its too soon. You are still grieving over the loss of your husband. Your whole life has changed and it doesnt matter whether it was you or he who ended the marriage, the thing is, even if it was an unhappy marriage, it was a lifestyle you got used to...its called co-dependency, and that is a hard thing to get away from depending on how long you were married. You have to learn to be independent....a person in your own right....a woman who has her own identity, not who defines herself by the man she is with. That is what you have to do right now. You have to find yourself again. When you do, then it will be the right time to think about becoming involved again. And when you are ready, it will happen for you. But you cannot take the baggage of your marriage into your next relationship. I think thats where people make mistakes....they get so lonely, that they become involved with someone for all the wrong reasons. I divorced when I was 45......I felt there was no hope for me. At 50, I found the love of my life. I thank myself for waiting because I have a lot to give this man. Had I jumped into a relationship with the first man who was interested, I never would have found my true love. I am 53 now and our love is stronger than ever and every day it is getting stronger and stronger. It will happen for you too, but you have to give yourself the time you need to get to know yourself again. You have to become strong. You have to become confident in yourself again....then Mr Right will only be an arms length away.

Dont doubt yourself.....surge ahead, be the best mother you can possibly be. Be the best person you can possibly be. Do things that make you happy....dont wallow in what was...but rejoice in what will be.

Answer 2

Your first priority is your children. You should not be in any rush to bring men into your life. What I would do if I were you is use my time alone to understand more about what drives me as a woman. You cannot afford to bring the wrong man into your life for the sake of the emotional health of your children. If a man is turned off by your kids then he was not the right choice...get it.

By working on becoming a wonderful person you will attract the type of man that can extend his love of you to your children. You have to get it right now that you are just not looking for a mate for you. You are also looking for a surrogate father for your children. Your children's emotional health is just as important as having sex. If your need for sex is the great then gain a friend with benefit but don't bring this person incontact with your children.

Just use your no man time to focus on yourself until you are pretty confidant you will attract the right man in your life that will make you happy and be a good roll model for your children.

I do think there is hope for all situations but you must do the work to attract the right element into your life. I do see some self-image issues from the tone of your question is why I am suggesting getting you emotional state in order before you choose a mate.

Answer 3

Hello Amy,

Yes there is hope hon. If the guy is decent and a good man and worthy of you at all he will accept the kids as a part of you and the relationship and love the kids too. If he is a loser then he wont. Over time you should try dating again here and there slowly and who knows you just may end up finding a great guy some day like i did when i was a single mom of 4 kids. I met a wonderful man who loved me and my kids and now we are married for going on 8 years and together going on 9 and we have a great relationship and marriage. Do not give up and keep hoping and your chin up. There are alot of good men out there who will love you for you with your kids.

http://www.drphil.com

http://www.match.com

http://www.eharmony.com

Answer 4

Single mom of two here, and there is hope, but dating today is not like it was when it was just you. You have to know what you want, and make sure who you see does too. Read the book "the list" by Mary Corbett and sheila Corbett Kihne. It tells you the dos and dont of dating and helped me out alot. It does work but you ahve to fallow it real closly

Answer 5

I was there 10 years ago, and still single. I decided to wait until my kids were older and more independent, but now I am alone and they have their own lives and friends. My advice to you is that you should not wait to get out there again, dont be scared and somewhere out there is someone who will love you and your kids too.

Answer 6

Of course there's hope ... you sound like a great person. Please take care of yourself and your children first before putting yourself out there ... it's very hard for children to see thier mom with somebody new.

Here's a Dr. Phil link on "Dating After Divorce"
http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/246

Answer 7

(*shrug*) I've known single moms who remarry. Heck, I know one who has two children and is on her third marriage (the first two husbands died in car accidents).

Just be careful. There are lots of creeps out there, and with (or without) children you need to take it slowly.

Answer 8

Well if you were the one who initiated the divorce then you need to get back with your husband. However, if he divorced you, then yes there is hope. There are plenty of couples with step kids.

Answer 9

there is hope; just go have fun and meet all kinds of people. best of luck.

Answer 10

no just save up for the casket and funeral.