My husband and I both work. I am happy with this, and am more than happy to contribute to our finances and towards our future. But I am not my husbands only wife. His other wife does not work and does not contribute anything. She is not even in this country, but we are responsible for her bills. She has 2 kids by my husband and they are both in school. She says she cannot work becasue of the kids, but they are in school for 8 hours a day and she sits at home when they are there. All of the money my husband and I do not spend on bills goes to her, so we are not able to save money towards our future. I have spoken to my husband about this, but when he speaks with her, she says it is her only job as a Muslim woman to stay home and raise the kids. I am a Muslim woman and I work along side my husband with no problems. I cannot even have a child because we have no money since she takes it all. We send her my whole paycheck every month.
My question is, who is right in this situation?
2007-02-10 14:47:25 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Is it her job to stay at home?
I am not saying I do not want to work, but I feel taken advantage of since I am doing the work and she is living a better life than I am.
I haven't bought new clothes in almost 1 year and she goes to the mall every weekend.
I take pride in my work and I know it makes my husbands life easier because he works hard enough. I cannot imagine how he would have to work to make ends meet if I wasn't contributing.
2007-02-10 14:48:00 · update #1
this is something you should have thought of before you became the second wife.
NONE of your money is to go to the household bills. They only job a woman is to have is being mother. If she chooses to be employed then that money is hers and hers alone. Her husband can not touch that money.
A man can not marry another woman unless he can provide for both. Everything is to remain equal. If one has a house the other is to have the same size house. If she receives a present the other receives a present. And the love in his heart is to also remain the same. If these things can not happen then the second marriage also should not happen.
You are being taken advantage of sorry to say.
Islam says:
If she works outside the house, it is praiseworthy for the husband to hire house help to relieve her from too heavy a burden. The wife's duties do not require her to feed her child, nor even to nurse it, nor to clean nor cook. It is the husband's duty to provide a nursemaid, food for older children, and servants to clean and cook. However, if the wife does those things out of mercy and love, it is a gift to the husband on her part.
This is for each wife not only the first but the second, third, or fourth.
Email me if you need more information at lil_lil_lady_bug@yahoo.com
2007-02-14 12:30:13 · answer #1 · answered by Layla 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I am not Muslim but am doing the same thing and have been for 10 years. And it hasn't been easy. I think if I would have known this when I first met my husband and how things have all turned out. I would have walked.
For many years I stayed away from men with X's with children. I couldn't have children of my own and the last thing I wanted to do was to pay for someone else's children. But when I met my husband it was Love at first sight, and I found that I could finally handle it if he had to pay child support. I never imagined for one moment that in this day and age that a man would ever have to pay alimoney. Well I was wrong. The child support I understood and finally could accept. But after the Judge awarded her alimoney for 2 years then it was to be up for review, I was shocked. Four years went by before my husband finally went back to court. I kept saying to him, why would you keep paying this woman if you don't have to. Take it back to court. Well he knew her better than I did I guess. She used this time to go on a disability . His Pension benifits and that will be till she is 65. She didn't go out and get a job, as we all thought that she was suppose to be doing in those two years. And the Judge again awarded her not only her alimoney, but more. I make good money, and hand it all over to him. For what? We don't even have a love life. That is not the way I felt that I would ever have ended up. I kept saying to myself that he wasn't going to have my paycheck, but I love him and we have made a life together one that wouldn't be possible without my money. He has never bought me an engagment ring. He never asks me first before he spends it. And the things I need to have done never gets done. I sound like a misserable woman. Well I am. And I don't have the guts to leave. He says he loves me.
If this is killing you as it has me. Don't let it destroy your marriage, that's why I stay I guess. This man once loved me so very much and I had never felt that much love before. I keep hoping that it's still there somewhere. And I am too miserable to see it.
I am 51 years old and at 47 had my first heart attack. Then my 2nd 6 months later. Two by-pass surgerys, and just recently bowel surgery. Now I am waiting for the 2 hernias I developed as a result of the bowel surgery to be repaired. Blood Pressure Pills, Colesterol pills. Blood thinners and Pain Medications.
I feel and look like an old woman. Do you want to end up like this?? Well look after yourself.
Best to you Both
Blackie
2007-02-10 15:40:11 · answer #2 · answered by Blackie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunate for you, you did not do enough homework and math to understand what you married into. Your husband agreed to that arrangement and it doesn't look like he really wants to change it. You don't score points beating up on his X and kids. There is no right or wrong but at least his kids have the right to their father's money.
He was given order to provide reasonable support to his wife and kids as a single earner, ie, not married, and still be able to live ok. Your income should not be included. You should examine the accounting closely.
If you can't stand it, make other arrangements. Actually, you have no obligation to the X or the children so you can put your earnings in a different account and only contribute to common expenses at your own home. Even file your income separately so you can keep your own tax money. That you have the right to do.
2007-02-10 15:31:14 · answer #3 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your husband needs to get her to come here and that way he doesn't have two mortgages/rents etc. She is good in wanting to stay at home, HOWEVER, she should be teaching the kids, not sending them off to school! If she sends them off to school then by all means she can surely work. I would say you are right, but you need to obey your husband and do what he says regardless of whether you are right or not.
2007-02-10 15:33:11 · answer #4 · answered by sandstorm222 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could divorce your husband and get it on with a man that will appreciate you and doesn't have anyone else to take care of (if you are in the USA, if not I don't know what to tell ya). Then you'll be able to have a life of your own and not someone Else's life.
2007-02-10 15:13:41 · answer #5 · answered by eplve29 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but, the co wife is playing you and the husband. i bet if you stop giving up your money ,she would get up off her lazy a...... and get a job to make her ends meet. for you to work and can't enjoy your hard earnings got to be hard but talk to him and tell him that you can't keep up with her bills and tell him to send he child support and let her go get a job.
2007-02-10 14:57:13 · answer #6 · answered by talltina 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This has nothing to do with your religion. You as a person are enabling him to allow one of you a better lifestyle than the other one.
This is your life also and change is needed. She could work from home, babysit etc. Your religion does not make you subject to less of a value in life than they have
2007-02-10 15:21:15 · answer #7 · answered by Meeee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am so sorry for you. of course you are right,hands down. is his other wife in a country that doesnt allow women to work? if not, then she needs to have a reduction in the free money in order to get her out working. it is hard for me to imagine how she could sit on her butt, while you are out working. nor can i imagine how your husband allows this. it is so unfair to you!. i would make it priority one to get this situation changed to a more balanced arrangement. of all the things ive read on yahoo answers,your situation is the worst case of injustice ive read. i sincerely hope you can find a way to resolve this.i do not believe that God wants anyone to be treated in this manner. best wishes
2007-02-10 15:13:46 · answer #8 · answered by DEBI M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a muslim Wife you are blessed and will b blessed in future....So dont worry....
By islamic law your husband and you r doing the right thing, but it doesnt mean you have to send your whole paycheck to her....
As you said you r muslim, I bet there also some Islamic cleric who you guys could seek help to resolve this situation also...according to divorce laws in Islam...
Wish u good luck.
2007-02-10 15:00:06 · answer #9 · answered by DON 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i feel you are right. You should not have to work to porvide for this free loaader either she needs to get a job or your husband needs to divorce her and take the kids! Its much cheaper that way anyways!!
2007-02-10 15:05:28 · answer #10 · answered by tweedy778 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋