we don't have this type of money. We worked hard and were lucky to get this equity line (in both our names). We were planning on buying a second home and using this. He hid this from me and lied for past months. What should I do? I want to shut off internet access at home (how?), take my name off all accounts, possible divorce?, I just don't know: I'm confused, hurt, disappointed, and very upset (all in one).
2007-02-10
14:33:41
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26 answers
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asked by
Anonymous
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
- Thanks for all the feedback. Some of it is really helpful. I just recently signed on as Yahoo member, and not sure how to rate answers with thumbs up/thumbs down, but again THANK YOU for taking the time to respond.
2007-02-10
15:08:49 ·
update #1
Your husband has an addiction. No amount of shutting things off or restricting access on your part is going to stop him. He has to want to stop (and make the moves to do so) COMPLETELY and ENTIRELY on his own. You CANNOT help him. If you try, you'll only slow the process and make it harder for him to help himself, it's called enabling. From a financial standpoint, I would say absolutely, get your name taken off of EVERYTHING having anything to do with him. He is going to ruin you and as you obviously already know, there are few things more precious in this world than your credit score! As far as divorce is concerned, you have to decide whether you love him enough to stick beside him while he goes to Gamblers Anonymous and gets counseling so you can both repair your trust and lives. If you don't think you can stick it out (after 12 years of an alcoholic relationship, I finally cut my losses and couldn't be happier) then go and don't look back. Again, objectively there is less pain, heartache, and financial ruin down this path but the heart will do what it wants. I just advise that you realize his recovery is that of an ADDICT and thus will not happen overnight (or in less than a year) and to be prepared if you decide to stick it out. Best of luck to you and get counseling for yourself so you have someone who can help you through this process, whatever you decide!
2007-02-10 14:45:39
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answer #1
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answered by answergrrl3 4
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OUCH!
I am sure that you could shut off the interent but that wont help much as he appears to be an addict.
Much like if someone is addicted to cigarettes, crushing the pack and/or throwing it in the garbage wont help.
You agreed to be married to him for better or for worse so see if you can get him some help.
gamblers anynomus might be a start.
I am sure (like every gambler) he hid it from you because he feared your reaction and honestly thought he could win the money back and you would never be the wiser.
The reason that las vegas is all lit up like it is, is that there are waaay more loosers than winners.
I dont understand why people dont get that.
anywhoo,
I would probably at least TALK to a divorce attorney.
It might not help much to divorce him depending on your state as these might very well be your bills to but that might be the shock he needs to get help!
Buying a house for now is out of the question.
NO One will loan the two of you more money since he has been so irresponsible.
I personally would leave.
This probably usually never gets better and it will ruin your life too!
YOu were lied to and decived and you have every right to feel hurt and betrayed!
IT would have been easier if he had just had an affair
2007-02-10 14:38:16
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answer #2
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answered by kissmymiddlefinger 5
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I know the feeling, but first of all you have to calm down that will help you to think more clearly, you have two possible choices: One, you can forgive your husband big mistake, "Make Him" get some help for the gambling, otherwise there is no way he will stop that, there have been a lot of people (men and women) who make this kind of mistakes and bankrupt and break the family, this is a terrible terrible mistake, but it's up to you to forgive him and BOTH get out of the hole he has put the family into, and Two, divorce him and let him regret for his whole life the big mistake he has done, but that will leave you alone and bankrupt since your name is tight to his. If you take choice number one you can work on getting up your family not only financially but emotionally too. Good Luck! and I hope that you take the right decision.
2007-02-10 14:53:03
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answer #3
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answered by fun 6
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You won some money before. Why??? Because you got lucky - that's it! Only about 1% of folks who gamble on sports do so profitably. You are NOT one of these people, nor will you ever be. The only question left is, "HOW MUCH money are you willing to lose before you finally accept the fact that you don't have what it takes to profit on sports betting???" How does it feel to be down $2,000? Not so good, I know. Just imagine what it's going to feel like to be down $20,000! You will get there, I promise you. Final question for you - CAN you even quit? You're asking us for our advice. Everyone is telling you to stop. But CAN you stop? If I had to bet, I'd bet that you can NOT stop. I really hope I'm wrong, but I know that it won't be easy. If you chase after this $2,000, your life could very quickly spiral out of control. That's the bad news. Ready for more bad news? If you chase after that $2,000 and manage to win it back, you will STILL LOSE! Why? Because then you won't even considering quitting. You will feel so good about your winning, that you will want to continue on to win more. This is a losing situation no matter what. The only way out is to stop if you can. I truly wish you good luck in stopping. Now is when you are really going to need it.
2016-05-25 07:39:31
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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There is a small possibility that online debts are illegal because the sites are offshore and not follow US laws, which require credit card companies to inquire. Try look into that for this kind of money.
He has crossed that line by taking on a debt that is over his head so drastic actions have to be taken. Divorce and seek financial protection are clear options but you still have to bear 1/2 of his debts.
Other than divorce, you have to restructure the debts as soon as possible, maybe even declare bankruptcy. Compulsive gambling is regarded as a disease and should attend one of those groups.
Somebody has to wake him up because he is liable to go back and "double or nothing".
2007-02-10 17:32:40
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answer #5
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answered by Sir Richard 5
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Taking the internet out of the house wont help much unless you are prepared to take his car keys and drive him to work (and unplug the computer there too)
A real addict will find a way (to get an understanding watch a few episodes of "INTERVENTION".
None of them change without help
and the help is costly.
I dont think you can go to a bank and tell them to drop your name from the credit
If I were you I would get a divorce or file for one yesterday.
At least if you do that, it wont get any worse.
If you got a $130000 line of credit your house is worth more than that so hopefully you can force a sale with the divorce and walk away with nothing but peace of mind but it would be way better than having to wonder what surprises are coming up next.
File TODAY before he does any more damage.
If you still love him and want to help him, nothing wrong with that but at least you can do so from a safe financial distance!
2007-02-10 14:59:55
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answer #6
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answered by onestepbeyond 2
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Well shutting off the Internet won't help because there are other ways to get Internet access.
Here is the simple answer, If he won't seek help yesterday, then leave him tomorrow.
He is an addict. All addicts must get help.
Oh by the way, the man is knew ten minutes ago no longer exist.
The man you married is no longer alive.
You are not in love with the man with the gambling habit/problem.
Pack up... move out... move on!!!
I'll bet (sorry) that there is more debt out there that you haven't found.
2007-02-10 15:29:41
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answer #7
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answered by digtv 2
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Get an attorney and freeze whatever assets you have right now so he cant gamble them away also. I would have him get help for his gambling problem and in the mean time get my own place if I were you. If he really wants to beat his addiction and change think about taking him back, if not get a divorce. He has a problem and needs help ASAP.
2007-02-10 14:41:33
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answer #8
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answered by mom of twins 6
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You will NEVER get over this.
and he should be glad it was you and not me
as I would still be trying to beat on him.
Your marriage is over...if he could hide THIS imagine what else he could hide.
So what he has a sickness....
THis is not who you married (or who you thought you married)
there are some violations that are deal breakers, THIS most certainly would qualify.
This is a bankruptcy converstation.
Seriously think about how you can recover from this. YOu need a fresh start on so many levels.
He put his house and your family in jeapordy because he wanted to play a GAME!
sickness or not
I would rather take the bankruptcy and get him out of my life
you deserve better.
2007-02-10 14:52:48
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answer #9
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answered by lisa s 6
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All of the above! Get a lawyer and tell him about this and have PROOF of the gambling...
He lied and now there's not trust....
I really hope you dont get wheeled into this debt of his really...cuz if you do might as well stay with him, you'd be in the same boat!
2007-02-10 14:41:12
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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