Can a husband go without sex for 10 years?

Question

My husband and I aren't sexually active anymore. It has been 10 years. My friends all say he is cheating. I have caught him emailing and talking to other women but he denies anything physical. Things finally blew up this May when I caught him emailing a former student from the eighth grade who is now a Dr. and 44years old. I exploded.It is so offensive to me. Sickening with a former student, even though she is 44. I wanted a divorce, but haven't yet, mainly I don't want to be poor. I use to try to initiate sex but don't anymore. I have some pride. Plus this last situation makes my stomach turn at the thought of us being together again. I guess I am also wondering if there are people out there in my situation.

When I say I don't want to be poor, we are not rich, just comfortable.I have had too many friends divorce and struggle for money. They have eventually remarried cause they don't want to have to manage aloone. We also have 2 grown boys who we help occasionally. I wanted to add that we don't fight very often and are not nasty to each other. We live as friends, as for me and sexually relief, well you know I take care of myself.

It wasn't me who decided not to have sex..It was him, I love sex. He told me it wasn't that important in a marriage.Said my girlfriends lied when they said their husbands wanted it all the time. Like I said eariler, I tried and he turned me down. The only time he tried in the past years was twice when he was drunk. NO WAY!! I made up and excuse. No one is going to have to be drunk to be with me. I am not a dog. LOL! I look young for my age, I work out and take care of myself. Any married woman reading this should consider themselves so lucky that they have a man who desires them!!!

Plus I am 49 years old.

Answer 1

NO WAY !! l'm sorry but l have to agree with your friends. There is no way in hell that a guy could go without sex for that long. l can assure you if he's not having sex with you, he's certainly getting it elsewhere. Of course you have your pride. You should also be happy. lf l was you l would get the hell out of this weird relationship and find yourself a man who loves you and wants to show you how much. Your husband obviously has a problem and you have put up with it long enough. Best of luck

Answer 2

You must be the stupiest person on the planet! Why would you want a divorce over your husband talking to a former student threw an email? First of all it says alot about you because you got married obviously for the wrong reason. You don't want to be poor? Wow, try not having sex for 10 yrs for a reason to get a divorce! I think you and your husband both need couseling. Who can go that long without sex? When the first 6 months went by you should have questioned him then but no you stayed dipped in gucci and gold and went on with your life. Get a grip and get a life.

Answer 3

If you haven't had sex in 10 years , you better get out of this crazy marriage. I don't believe any man as young as he is isn't having sex unless he is impotent or has someone on the side. You need a healthy sex life , everyone needs that in their lives. It's not normal man or woman to not have good, fulfilling sex life, you gotta have it one way or the other. You need to pack your bags kiss the door goodbye and get a good divorce atty. File for divorce, go out and find you a good sex partner that fills your wildest dreams, they are out there I mean some real good men that you want for sex anymore , they'll give it to you and I mean they'll give you sex like you've never known, don't wait another day. one day waiting is one day of being sent to heaven and back.
get to moving, you'll wonder , where has this man been all my life

Answer 4

My wife decided she didn't want sex any more after 9 years of marriage. Just wanted to be best pals and roommates. Like brother and sister.

I have gone 12 years without sex. And I am sick and goddamned tired of trying to fix it. So I am leaving. I tried everything -- from worrying too much to trying too hard to not worrying at all to trying nothing to forgetting about it completely to thinking about sex every 3 seconds to being more romantic (I always wrote notes and made my own cards and composed sonnets and made CDs and bought perfume and scheduled surprise concerts and weekend getaways and all that) to changing diets to seeing physicians to seeing counselors to hormone therapy to you f*cking NAME IT.

And while my case is probably severe, I will say all the married guys I know, and I will say 6 out of every 7 say this -- the woman said before marriage that sex would be 24/7/365 if they got married. Then once they got married, the sex dried up since she had mis-represented her sex drive. And it's goddamned frustrating. It consumes you as a man. You think you are inadequate. You think you are no good in bed. You think you smell. You think you are ugly. All those things. And of course they are usually not true at all. But as men we are so much about the sex since we know women can give it to whoever they want but if they hold it back for someone special and then you get none that means you are no one special, you see? You're just another loser she is p*ssed at and has to dodge and lies to and plays 'headache' and 'too tired' games with. And it hurts. Best way to hurt her back if you are an immature little idiot like most guys? Go screw someone else! Duh!

So I would say most guys can't go 10 years without it - you get out of your mind crazy for sex. I mean it gets intense. Think of it - over 624 weeks without sex. I think many guys see a whore or find a girlfriend on the side or have a mistress. And while women can just be like camels and go years without sex with seemingly no ill effects, guys are not that way usually.

What your guy did with the betrayal of your trust is wrong.

If he was divorced the 44 year old girl is unusual but not unethical since she is a grown woman.

I understand why you wouldn't want to screw him since it seems he is cheating - what reasons does he give for not having sex with you? He is almost certainly getting sex somewhere.

Answer 5

I don't know any sane adult that could go this long without sex. I would rather be poor - living on a park bench, than to have a loveless marriage. You quite obviously cannot be attracted to him knowing what you know. I would initiate a divorce, and find someone I can share some passion with. Life is too short.

Answer 6

If it's been 10 years, it's time for you to move on! Life is way too short to spend with someone who won't give his 100 percent to the relationship. Being poor is scary but there is more to life than money. Being happy with someone whom you love and can freely express that is worth alot! Think of what you get in return!

Answer 7

You have not had sex with your husband for 10 years.. of course he's getting him some somewhere else. He is human, and you have denyed him for 10 years...that's just wrong. Why did you stay with him, you are his wife, and you ...you are so wrong. I dont think you deserive a cent of money.

Answer 8

Honey I have gone through longer spells than that every now and then...it's normal and while it can be damaging to a relationship I believe all relationships go through "dry" spells. I don't know if it's something that you need to fix or work on it only you know the reason that this happened. Try some different stuff to spice up your sex life. I am still constantly looking for new stuff for me and my hubby to do and keeps both of us from getting bored. Sometimes you can just lose your sexual drive for awhile and it might not have much to do with your relationship but I would say if sex doesn't resume then you need to talk about it. Right now don't put too much pressure on it cause you might push him away. Maybe he was having difficulties and is ashamed and doesn't want to talk about it. Let it go and go back to having sex at least see if it happens. If you are thinking about this and over thinking it..it will strain your sexual relations more. Good Luck and I hope everything works out fine.

Answer 9

you sound like a freak to me, if your husband has gone with out sex for 10 years that means you have to. So if you have you no he can to rite ? You should have a good look at your self and stop blaming other people.Your useing him for money and thats wrong.If your not happy leave,if not open your legs up and get on with it !!!!!!!

Answer 10

There are people out here who know your situation first hand. SWAGE is the group. Come visit us, and talk to people who understand.

PS I am so sorry this has happened to you.