My husband is a neat freak...HELP!!!!?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 18 years and have 3 teenagers. He is a neat freak. Always has been. But now that the kids are older it seems worse. He expexts me to clean 3-4 hours a day. I work 40 hours a week. Did I mention I have 3 teenagers who are very busy them selves. My house is dusted, swept and straightend every day if not everyother day. On Saturday mornings we deep clean. Scrub toilets, tubs floors etc... My husband thinks this should be done daily. He works 26 hours at a time and then is home for 12- 18 hours and then gone again. He dosen't do anything. He also expect us to walk our 2 dogs for an hour or two each day. They get walked about 15- 30 minutes a day. If I try to talk to him about it he just tells me I am making excuses because I don't want to do anything. Also we are not allowed to leave anything sit outside eg..bikes, wet boots, a basket for the clothes on the line etc... He says by doing this we look like we are a bunch of hillbillys.

I think I need to clear up a few issues with some of you who wonder why I have stayed for 18 years and now am complaining. He has always wanted the house completely spotless. Like a showcase house. But knew that was going a bit overboard. Until recently that is. It is almost like he changed overnight. He is a conductor and is gone quite a bit on the train. That is why he is gone for 24+ hours at a time. I am an RN and work 40 hours a week. Our income is very nice. We have no issues paying our bills. It has been in the last year that he has started freaking out about the house. He walks in and scans each room as he walks through. If he sees somthing out of place that has been like that for a couple days, ex a news paper on the table, he starts mumbling crap. But he is a wonderful husband and father if this one flaw was not here. That is why I stay. I was just wondering if anybody else has this problem and how they handle it. A counselor is not an option, he won't go.

Answer 1

He would come home to a house that I felt like cleaning, when I felt like cleaning it and not give a d*** what bothered him about it. If he felt like it needed more, I'd either hand him a mop and bucket or tell him to work more hours so I could hire a maid!!! He sounds like a controlling jerk... no offense of course ; )

Answer 2

I am a neat freak myself, I drive myself crazy b/c I have 4 young kids who are impossible to clean up after every moment. So I know what it's like to feel that driven to have order, but I don't force my beliefs on my husband. Try this: for a week or 2, keep a log of every day, tracking every single thing you do in the house and every other task like bills, eating, driving kid to park, etc. Then tally it up to how much time you are spending doing chores. You can them show him we spend say 30% of a month sleeping, and 45% cleaning, 5% cooking, etc. Try to show him on paper how much time goes to it already so that maybe he'll stop pressing so hard. Maybe you'll find only 2% goes to spending quality time together. Ask him when he's 82, will he still be upset the tub didn't get scrubbed in that terrible month of Feb. 2007, or will he remember a picnic with you, or some other thing you can do together?

Answer 3

Well I think I'm on his side. I take responsibility for the housework and cleanliness of our place totally. I do not work full time, some days 3 hours some days 5 or 6 but when I am not at work,(I clean and cook for elderly) I make sure our house is **** and span. I hate it if anyone calls and I haven't at least tidied the whole house. Also, like your husband, I can't stand things laying around either inside or outside, I have to put everything away.
P.s Your toilets should be done daily. ;> )

Answer 4

You stuck with this for 18 years and now you just complaining. Start out the way you can hold out. If you didn't like his ways then you shouldn't have married him or you should have left him.At least he care to pull things together. Try living with a man that leave his underwear in the bathroom, leave dirt rings around the tube, leave food out on the counter ect...you're crying about things that most women would love. He work more hours and make more money and your complaint wasn't cheating, lying, drinking, drugs nor devil worshiping. Get A LIFE. THANK GOD YOU HAVE HIM. your kids will not be slobs when they get out on their own.

Answer 5

Well what is wrong with hillbillys, they may live poor but at least most of them are happy with alittle dust in their homes and junk in their yard. You need to tell your husband to ease up if you work you should not have to go though all that, anyway it sounds like you are stressful and I would talk to him and tell him to ease up or move out and find a slave.

Answer 6

Control freak, you mean. Go on strike. Refuse to do it. He can't force you. I'm a neat freak, and I'm the one that cleans to my standards. I don't drive my family insane with it. I clean. Everyone's happy. Don't explain why things aren't done. If he was to speak to me like a child, I would ignore him. I would refuse to acknowledge his existance until he started behaving like a reasonable man. Be strong !

Answer 7

Please urge him to see a counselor/psychologist. He obviously has issues that are beyond the purview of most of the people out here reading...His expectations are only the symptom of deeper underlying problems.
In addition, the fact that you don't feel his expectations are outrageous is equally disturbing, so probably you could benefit from the counseling as well.
The best of luck to you..

Answer 8

at least he cares... it would be a lot worse if he yelled at you everytime you cleaned the house... etc... he just wants to be in control and a clean organized house makes you feel a lot better than a cluttered one... If you can't handle it talk to him about hiring a help .... good luck and cheer up at least you got a nice big family...

Answer 9

wow.. i thought my husband was bad...
it sounds to me like he is using you as a maid service... i wouldnt put up with it. you need to be strong and tell him what you are going to get done and if he doesnt like it then he can leave.. sounds like you are making most of the money for eveything anyways... but i dont know the full situation... so if you think by doing this will make him violent toward you, then i say you shoudl leave him.....