We have been married for 8 years. It has always been kind of a rocky relationship. I don't think I have really ever been truely happy, but I am scared to divorce him. He is such a good person when it comes to cooking and cleaning and projects, but in the romance catagory, he is zero!!! I don't know why it has been this long and when I asked him, he said he was tired of me always turning him down!! I said, no man in their right mind is going to go without sex this long. I can honestly tell you that I haven't cheated on him!! Please help, what should I do? He is also 10 years older, if this matters.
2007-02-10 13:05:47 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Age might be playing a characteristic in it. maybe hes tired from work or if he is over 40 there may be a medical reason. If all he does is "make excuses" rather than talk straight with you then theres a possibility there is an underlying reason (maybe he is cheating) or maybe he is mad at you about something... Talk to him- DONT ARGUE or yell... just talk abotu things, and tell him you need more than a roommate.
2007-02-10 13:14:22 · answer #1 · answered by ChrissyLicious 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's certainly not enough proof to think he's cheating on you. BUT... his line about you turning him down kinda makes it sound that there is someone out there who ISN'T turning him down. You have to do whatever makes you happy (especially when you have no kids), keeping him around because he is a good cook, cleaner and provider or handyman isn't a reason to stay with someone. It makes it sound that you are using him (not saying you are!), but in the end you have to do what makes you happy. How do you think you'll feel in 5, 10, 15, 20+ years not knowing the feeling of being happy all those years. If you aren't happy then you'll probably end up completely resenting the guy and things can get really ugly. What's the point of life if you can't be happy (especially when you have the choice)?
2007-02-11 06:08:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he wants to be approached by you is all.
Fears rejection for whatever reason.
Has some resentment I'd hash over with him and apologize about.
Just hook up the romance and do him.
Inquire as to whether he found someone outside the marriage who didn't "turn him down".
He may have some stupid health issue like high blood pressure or prostatits, or low hormones contributing and is embarrassed, so is putting the blame on you. If he is maturbating, tell him to knock it off.
Sounds like it is time for some serious action. I don't know what you've tried and haven't tried, but ask him what he needs.
Is he gay?
I wish you the best. If there's no other signs and symptoms of cheating, I would look toward his health and your marriage for answers. There are all kinds of reasons an older guy may slow down. I don't think he would STOP though unless something bigger is going on, whether it be between you or with him, I would get the answer.
2007-02-10 21:17:35 · answer #3 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt jump to conclusions about him cheating. I just got engaged and I am so scared of being cheated on, he goes out all the time and I over think what he is doing and I come up with these insane ideas, but everytime he comes home, i know where he went and with who. My fiance works in cunstruction, and we can go a while without sex, because hes tired. and hes achy. Thats understandable, if you are in love, no matter how rough things are (believe me, we have a rocky relationship but at the end of the day we know we are crazy about each other and he isnt so great at the romance thing, once in a while maybe, and hes good at cleaning cookin and projects as well) your relationship isnt all about sex, its communication as well, talk to him , but dont ACUSE anything that will start fights, believe me i know. above all, just continue to support and love him and things should get better after a nice long talk, but be sure its at a good time, not a stressful time. see what works for you. good luck
2007-02-10 21:16:38 · answer #4 · answered by I Love my boys 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried surprising him with sex after work? Have you tried just being intimate with him no questions asked? In a relationship there's give and take. How much giving are you offering? You said he's a great person with house work but are you giving 100%? I'm not saying you're not, I'm asking. I would have to agree that sounds strange but It could be that he too is unhappy. Instead of trying to catch bees with vinegar try a little honey (if you know what I mean). If he turns you down every time then it's time to worry and ask questions. You need to initiate sex sometimes. This avoids the feeling of possibly being turned down. Guys don't do well with being turned down for sex. They loose confidence. You might have to bring it back. Just try meeting him at the door with nothing on but a smile. If he says" I'm too tired" It's time to have a talk for sure. If you need anything. If you just want to talk about things in your relationship you can IM or email me anytime. First try my suggestions.
Good luck!!
2007-02-10 21:27:20 · answer #5 · answered by quel772o 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since it has been so long since you've two been intimate, it's gonna be even harder to take the first step. You can get comfortable without any romance, that it could be a real chore for intimacy. Somehow rekindle your love, and ask him what you could do to improve your marriage. Why have you turned him down? You really shouldn't. If he can't find intimacy with you, then he's going to search for it somewhere else, and you don't want that to happen. My mom always told me keep your eyes wide open while dating, and half shut after marriage. I hope you find a way to make your marriage better. If not, then seek for divorce and live alone.
2007-02-10 21:26:55 · answer #6 · answered by sweet southern charm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No his age does not matter
but his excuse for not wanting sex does & I don't trust this one
you should seriouly talk with him and you should be willing to listen to what he have to say
but before asking him if he is having an affair
think about what will you do if he says Yes
are you willing to give up on the marriage or get couneling to fix think
you also should think that just like you he might not be happy and everyone deserve to be happy
Good luck
2007-02-10 21:16:01 · answer #7 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know if he is cheating but if he is 10 yrs older its a possibility that maybe he lost interest. Just come out and ask him if there is someone else? Most men , No matter of age want sex. Take it from there. Good Luck!
2007-02-11 11:17:29 · answer #8 · answered by Mammamia3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you turning him down? Same question woman need it like men, so you could go 14 months without sex, why can't he. Just like you he could be making it without sex, sometimes after a while it just is not that important anymore. If you are so concerned why don't you go to him, candlelite and romantic evening and show him you still want him. don't put all the blame on him, it's not always the man's fault
2007-02-10 21:24:40 · answer #9 · answered by faith 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to tell you that he is definitely cheating on you, no doubt about it!14 months without........? Get a divorce since there are no children and get a life elsewhere with someone who will make you much more happier. Men are all the same and are all liers!10 years older...? Life begins at 40 so i suggest you be careful at that one! He might as well be seeing someone younger than yourself and someone who can bear his children, if you can't fall pregnant I suppose! Think about it, unless he's over 60 than you shouldn't be worrying!
2007-02-10 21:20:43 · answer #10 · answered by Ian Smith 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋