My husband won't help around the house. What should I do?

Question

I am 4 months pregnant and having problems limiting my abilities and forcing me to take 4 weeks off from my full-time job. My husband is a full-time college studend only taking 12 hrs. KNowing I needed down time he bought an 8 wk old puppy promising to finally do some house work. But we've had the puppy for aver a week and he hasn't touched a thing in the house and keeps taking off all day expecting me to take care of the puppy! And when he does finally decide to come home he plays his computer games and I have to constantly remind him to let the dog out. I'm at my wits end! PLEASE HELP ME!

Answer 1

I really feel for you. Your husband sounds like he needs to grow up a bit. If he can't take care of a puppy, how can you expect him to help with a baby? You need to sit him down and have a serious talk with him. Tell him that he needs to start doing his share, or the puppy goes. Put your foot down and lay down some ground rules. Computer games come AFTER the housework. Maybe he is unfocused and needs a list of specific chores he's expected to do on a daily basis. Put a list on the refrigerator and have him check off the things he's accomplished. He also needs to realize that he can't contribute to the family if he is taking off all day to do what he pleases. I know you don't want to be a nag, but it might be the only thing that gets across to him how important it is that he puts in his fair share of the work. I would suggest going on strike, but the mess will probably bother you more than it bothers him. He needs to realize that the future of your marriage is at stake. You will tire very quickly of taking care of 2 babies when your little one arrives. Congratulations on your new addition. I hope you can convince your husband how important his team effort is before he becomes a lazy dad.

Answer 2

confident, my husband helps around the domicile. He does each and all the cooking, I do the dishes. He cleans the bathe, I do something of the showering room. We each and each vacuum as quickly as a week, he does some laundry and that i do the ironing. we've the chores incredibly lots split up between us. And that is going for the exterior too. He mows the backyard, I do the weed whipping. He sweeps the walks, I weed the flower mattress. He waters the backyard, we the two weed that. We merely artwork extremely nicely at the same time.

Answer 3

Marriage is not always easy. First of all, I spent a serious amount of time seeing a therapist about my "perfectionism" and one thing I realized is that men, they are like children. If you are asking them to do something that the do not enjoy ( please wipe off the counter when your done snacking, I just cleaned the kitchen) they will need constant reminding because there is no consequence to them if they dont. You WILL wipe the counter because it is disgusting not too and therefor he knows it bothers you, you will do it. Consequences. ITs terrible but my husband was the same way. Make sure he is there when you deliver baby, he will gain a whole new respect for you and what you do and for women in general...ask him if he will fit a feeding in when he takes the dog out at 3 am....LOL My husband wasnt there when our first daughter was born, biggest regret of his life. He was on a hunting trip so it took the birth of my second daughter for him to know how hard it was. Remind him that throughout your day you are doing for 2, eating, sleeping, being stressed and exhausted--and his baby is feeling it too, with any luck, he just doesnt get it and you will have to put it in computer game terms. Take care of yourself, your baby. Sleep, rest, eat, excercise. Keep your mind clear from frustration. If the garbage doesnt go out, leave it. He will either take care of his responsibilities now, or you will know what yyou have to look forward to as a father to your child. Your heart will guide you, just listen to it.

Answer 4

I worked 12 and a half hours yesterday and my husband was home all day for 2 days due to the rain. he is a cement truck driver. When i got home last night and seen the house still looked like it did 2 days ago I thought I would just die. I haven't said anything yet and now it is night again but let me tell you i have not lifted one finger to do any work in it today. I can barley stand it. And he knows that. He is probably shocked that I haven't already cleaned it. But I am ready to go off. What this means I don't know but it means something. As far as yours if he is that way now he will probably be just like mine when he is 40.

Answer 5

I think you should stand in front of the computer when he log on next, that is when you will have his attention. and tell him .look honey I'm beginning to be a little stress out from the puppy and the lack of help with the house duties. I'm carrying extra weight and I'm not the only one who should be doing everything .and if he still doesn't understand then the puppy will be giving to someone to care for until, you or the both of you guys can help each other. when you are not cooking then maybe he will notice your attitude.

Answer 6

Leave him. Go stay with family or friends so that you can take better care of yourself and your baby. Then he and only he will be responsible for the maintenance of the household and the puppy. He will be forced learn how to do the myriad of things needed to live the lifestyle he expects and/or to appreciate how much work it all is! If he doesn't get it together, than he is ill-prepared to be a husband, let alone a parent.

Answer 7

No Amount of nagging or anything will get him to do waht he does not want to do as long as you always do it.
If that makes sense. He obviously has some issues and your relationship has some issues - that are probably beyond the cleaning up thing.
Try communicating with him instead of talking at him. Try to sit him down and really talk about the issues. Use I not you. Talk about how you feel - I feel ..... try to be a team.
It is not about to get better with a baby coming into the house. A new baby is a lot of work.

PS - it is obvious he needs to grow up a little but we only have one side of the story.

Answer 8

The two of you need to sit down and write all of the things that have to be done around the house. Decide who should do what and when, and what should happen if those things down happen the way they're supposed to. If he gets defensive about this, then there are some underlying issues in your marriage that you need to discuss, such as why does he think you should do everything? If he still won't talk about it, it means that he doesn't want to be responsible for anything, so counseling may be needed.

Answer 9

First try talking, then if that doesnt work get rid of the puppy. Trust me, you will not want that dog around your baby espeically if its not house broke yet. Then do what you need for your baby first, and if that means leaving him and going home to your parents or someone to get rest and relaxasion then do it. Something needs to snap him out of this and wake him up, he needs to grow up and take responsibility. I would just take the pup to a shelter or give it away while he was out if he doesnt start taking care of it. If you dont have some place to stay for a while try making one room yours and he cant enter and just take care of that room if you are able.

Answer 10

Well, because you are pregnant and your house used to be immaculate, then he should help around the house... House work is not a woman's job, it is a "Keep the house clean thing"

What you need to do is limit him. When he approaches to touch you sexually, tell him you cannot make love in a dirty house, and even though you had your bath, you still feel dirty being in a dirty house. You know what that means, right? Won't clean the house? Then no love for ya :)