I was told that I can no longer concieve by specialists about 6 years ago , as I was not in a relationship at the time it was not that important and as I already have 1 child I sort of decided that I would just be satisfyed. Since then I have met and fallen in love with a wonderful guy. We have arrived at the stage where he wants to discuss OUR future children . He has a child from a previous relationship and wants to have more with ME ! I have been putting him off saying that we should concentrate on settling down properly (getting married) before we think about children. If he commits then I will discuss this with him, but he does not think marriage is that important. He has even gone as far as telling his friends that we will be parents again soon and to watch this space! Its becoming embarrassing now ,but if we end up parting company then he will know my secret, I am dammed if I tell him and dammed if I don't. He desparately wants more children. What shall I do?
2007-02-10 11:40:31 · 53 answers · asked by sho nuff 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You say that he is a wonderful guy, so you should be
honest with him and tell him and at least you will know the
real him after he hears the news: Both of you already
have a child and he is already talking to everyone about
another one with you and him: That is why you need to
tell him right away, and don't ever be ashamed of not be-
ing able to conceive again as it's not your fault: This man
of yours needs to accept you for what you are and if he
doesn't then maybe you need to think is he really the one
for me: Just because you can't have kids anymore does
not make you any less of a woman, because you have
already proven your womanhood by the child you have
now. Be strong, tell him like it is, and if you really want
to see how much he really loves you , TELL HIM.
Good luck.
2007-02-10 11:50:35 · answer #1 · answered by RudiA 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You have to be honest with him. There is no other way.
However, there are options and u could ask if adoption would be an option.
Just because you wont be able to have children together, doesnt mean you cant have a child.
And uh....i would definately make sure u are 100% positive that there is no chance of concieving because i was told for 20 yers that i would never have a child. I am now 7 months pregnant with a baby boy. Sometimes doctors underestimate the power of human resproduction!!! lol
Good luck to u hun.
2007-02-10 11:50:44 · answer #2 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell Him!!! If y'all do decide to get married somewhere down the line, it will be easier now than later. If he ditches you now, that also is better than later would be. But if he does ditch you, then he doesn't really love or deserve you. Not telling him is lying to him and if you lie about this, what else would you lie about? That would be a sufficient reason to ditch you!!!
I also think that you should get a second opinion on the ability to concieve, if you haven't already. Doctors even specialists have been known to be wrong!!!
Best Wishes and God Bless!!
2007-02-10 12:05:18 · answer #3 · answered by Donna J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him that you cannot have children before you think about getting married. He has a right to know this and make a decision if he wants to continue his relationship with you. Failure to be honest could destroy any hopes of a lasting relationship if you go forward with marriage. Do not be a coward. I am married to a younger man and was honest with him from the beginning that I cannot have children. I told him I would be open for adoption, however he needed to make his decision about marrying me based on us never having children. I owed him that, same as you do.
2007-02-10 11:45:40 · answer #4 · answered by kms40719 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should be honest and tell him about this. If he really loves you and is the right one for you then he will understand and love and want to be with you anyway as there is always adoption and foster care out there. If he cannot accept this and love you for you with or without kids then he is not the one for you anyways and you will be better off without him and you will need to move on with your life and find someone someday who will love you for you. Honesty is the best policy here and do it now as later on if he finds out from somewhere else he may be more hurt and upset and angry then ever before. I think that now is the time to tell him or even take him on the Maury show and tell him there if you cannot do it in person alone with him. He needs to know and you need to tell him asap.
2007-02-10 11:55:27 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One thing is for certain, if this man is as keen on you as you are on him ... then your inability to have kids shouldn't matter an iota! Have you ever thought that he is simply pre-empting your own need to have children and giving you the red light for reassurance? I think you should tell him without delay ... tell him that you are scared to let him know this and that you love him so much, you would hate for it to break you up .... then simply see what happens. MY guess is he's gonna be fine about it all ... he may sting a bit from your deceit but if it keeps you together, then it will be worth it. Anyway, look at the fun you can have without a chance of conception! You must tell him today!
2007-02-10 11:56:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to tell him. That isn't something you leave untill youre married. He will have to decide if he really needs to have more children and if he does then you should discuss adoption (which I think you have to be married for, unless you are Brad and Angelina Joli). Just don't enter into marriage without both of you knowing all the facts. Otherwise, you are just asking for trouble, and it really isn't fair. If he decides that having more kids is something he really needs in life, then you have to let him go to be happy and fullfilled. Life is tough that way sometimes, but you can't deny someone you love their needs and you can't lie to them and have a good relationship.
2007-02-10 11:47:19 · answer #7 · answered by Yomi 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should've come forward with this as soon as the relationship appeared to turn serious...think about it, if you were longing to have kids of your own and met a guy you were head over heels for, but he hid the fact he was unable to reproduce until y'all were married or well into your serious relationship, how would you feel about that? Don't you think he should've given you the option to have decided to move forward with him or not BEFORE you had so much invested in the relationship emotionally?
Treat others as you'd like to be treated...stop being selfish and withholding this because he may not react as you want him to...
2007-02-10 11:46:28 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not 1st or even 10th date discussion material but once you start calling the person 'your partner' they need to know about things that will effect them, effect you, and/or effect the 2 of you as a couple.
Sharing and being honest is part of being 'partners'. Hiding this info will only cause you both great heartbreak in the future.
Also don't consider yourself 'damned'....he may want children but why do you assume that his desire for children is greater than his love for you?
2007-02-10 11:46:04 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
why is it a secret? its nothing to be ashamed about but it is something that you should discuss with the person you are contemplating spending the rest of your life with.
I think that's one of those things you should be up front about b4 you get serious with a person so that if having children is very important then they know up front that its not a possiblity with you but i think if your relationship is strong then it won't matter and you should not keep it a secret from him. but don't let him get his hopes up too much b/c then when you tell him it will be a big disappointment, maybe too big/maybe not.
2007-02-10 12:02:36 · answer #10 · answered by Forever_Young 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋