Im almost 16, sophomore in high school. I have recently realized that im gay. I don't want to be gay. I don't have anything against gays, but i really want to be straight. I know there is no way i can turn straight.
I want to live the good life when i grow up; have a wife and kids. Even though i am gay, i can still love a woman, right? Is it wrong for me to marry a woman and hide my sexuality, even though i still love the girl?
I know i can adopt, but i want kids. I really want to marry a woman, and have my own kids. I want to grow old with the woman, and watch my kids grow up.
So, would it be wrong to hide my sexuality from my wife, even if i still love her?
2007-02-10 11:34:19 · 38 answers · asked by erjfly2013 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Don't do it...because if you do when you are in your 30s you will realize what a mistake you have made and how much time you have wasted.
Not to mention involving unsuspecting people into your life. Usually with nothing good coming out of it.
2007-02-10 11:38:22 · answer #1 · answered by Melanie 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Woah there! One step at a time!! Your 16 right? Why are you worrying about what is going to happen when your at a different level of maturity? Your thoughts and what is on your mind is going to change dear. You will find that you might just want to "come out of the closet" and choose to have a relationship with another male and that you will come to be comfortable with yourself as a gay male.
Just because those around you right now are not accepting of it does not mean it is not okay. It is okay and when you are out of the miserable setting you are in and out of HIGH SCHOOL if you do not find support in your community MOVE to a community where you do.
Yes, it would be VERY wrong for you to marry a woman and hide your sexuality from her. That is not love as you keep saying when you are hiding that very important and intimate piece of you from her.
You can still be gay and have a wonderful life waiting for you in your future sweety. And this society today has opened the door for homosexuals to adopt children.
It will work out. Do not make any decisions on your future at this stage in life.
2007-02-10 11:42:42 · answer #2 · answered by LM 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be wrong, hiding a big dark secret like that only leads to problems. It's not fair on the woman, she deserves somebody to love her 100%. Not just being with her because you want the perfect life. You wouldn't love her really, gay people don't love women. You will probably have the urge to see men too, how could you live your life being gay without acting upon it? If you look hard enough though, you would find a woman willing to do this all knowing that you are gay. It happens. But you MUST tell her.
2007-02-10 11:39:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there and done that, When i was 16 I felt the same way you do, I did not know that there were other options. I married and was married for 15 years to a fantastic woman who i love to this day. I just never realized how unhappy I truly was. I am now an out and proud dad of 2 sons. I really feel you need to live in the here and now, and not worry about your future. Chose to be who you are and what makes you happy.
2007-02-10 11:44:15 · answer #4 · answered by Dave R 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have always been a strong advocate for, "you do whatever it is to make yourself happy." I am not here tot ell you want is right or wrong. But, would it be fair to go through life not being who you really are. Would it be fair for your wife, children, etc. You are still quite young and have years before you will need to make decisions about marriage. I want you to consider what it is that makes YOU happy. I don't want you to think that you need to live a certain lifestyle because that is the norm of society. I know many gay couples who have adopted children (I am an adoption worker for the state) and they are extrememely happy. Please use your years in high school and college to become independent and make choices based on your needs and wants.
You can always love women, men, nature whatever. Love is a term that can describe many things. Being in-love is when relationships can turn in to marriage.
I hope this helps you. Good Luck.
2007-02-10 11:40:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
1.)You're 16. You don't need to be in a rush about getting
married.
2.)If you are gay, then you will be happier being honest with
yourself and do not try to be something you are not.
3.)You can still have a family, just not the "wife" and kids. And
there are several ways you can have kids that are yours
biologically if you really want.
4.)You can not have a successful relationship with anyone if you
are not honest with them or yourself. (see the answers from
gay men who did marry a woman.)
5.)You would be cheating the woman out of the kind of
relationship she really wants.
Side note to Jew- I would LOVE to hear from your 'MANY' ex-homosexuals!! Since the psychological experts say it is NOT possible to change a persons sexual orientation. (Some could be bisexuals and can easily be happy in a heterosexual relationship.) Also MOST homosexuals were NOT abused as children. Read more responses to questions on the subject here and I DARE you to find a significant percentage that say they were abused. Quit lying about who you know, unless you happen to know the 0.005% (or whatever infinitesimal %) of people who are ex-homosexuals, or "CHOSE" to be homosexual, or who were traumatized as a child. It is easy to see just from this site, that over 99% of homosexuals would agree with me.
2007-02-10 12:40:22 · answer #6 · answered by mdbshop 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a gay man who was married for 32 years before I separated, I know the problems you will come across. Life as a married gay man is hard, very hard. Your female partner does not know why, and will always feel neglected because you are gay and need the love and affection of another gay man. Love and sex with a woman is play acting, and becomes harder every day it goes on. Believe me, to be gay and remain gay in a loving gay relationship is a wonderful life if you give it a chance. Gay adoption is allowed in some countries and is a welcome addition to a gay marriage.
Be true to yourself. Don't decieve a female partner just because of your own wish to bare children. It most likely will not happen, as sex with a woman is very different to sex with a man. It is less active, and less exciting and as a gay male, very unfulfilling. Your wife will feel the same. It is not fair on her to go into a marriage knowing you are gay. Don't do it.
2007-02-10 12:11:42 · answer #7 · answered by ozzieskin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you're going through right now is tough and you have so many questions and heartaches about it.
You will see as you grow older that all you can do is be yourself. If you truly are gay, you will fall in love with a man. You can have a family with him and have a perfectly normal, happy life. If you try to supress your feelings and marry a woman, it is unfair to you, the woman, and the children involved. You will eventually decide you are too unhappy and unfulfilled in this false relationship and you will have to move on. Never try to be anything you are not- it just doesn't work.
If you are bi, you very well may fall in love with a woman and have a family with her. If you do, you must be honest with her about who you are. If you're not, there will be a part of you she never knows and never gets a chance to love.
In any case, please just remember for now- you are very young. Life and sexuality and relationships will become more clear as you grow older and meet people. For now, love who you are, don't try to change yourself into someone you are not. Your life will be wonderful and fulfilling, whether you are gay, staright, or bi, as long as you are honest with yourself and others.
Good luck.
2007-02-10 11:47:56 · answer #8 · answered by Elaine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES, it is wrong to hide from your feelings to please others!!!!!!!! I cannot stress that enough.
My parents decided they would hide their true feelings and marry each other because of their parents. They have both cheated on each other throughout the years and now we have a "broken home". I am grown and have a husband and kids of my own, I tell them to know themselves; be confortable in their skin and people will either love you or hate you, but the ones that stay with are the ones you want around you.
If you know your gay and dont want to be talk to someone. You are still young and maybe just confused, but DON'T live life a lie - its a waste.
2007-02-14 10:24:21 · answer #9 · answered by Elle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is wrong in so many ways, on so many levels.
you will be lying to yourself, lying to someone you love, lying to your family and lying to her family. you will also be lying to your kids, and everyone else in your circle of friends. apart from being near-on impossible for you to keep this charade up, it will be really tiring living a double life. besides do you really want to live a lie? not only that but by cheating on your wife, you may also be opening her up to the risk of sexually transmitted diseases, which could also be passed onto your children. also, once she finds out (and she will find out eventually) she will be psychologically scarred, and will divorce you and take the kids, so you will never see your children again.
being gay isn't an affliction, and you can't cure it, or get rid of it. instead of do what you want with your life, you now have to do other things and find joy and happiness in other ways. ways that you don't know yet, but will be so much more fulfilling because you are living a life of truth and honesty rather than a life of lies.
you can still have all that you want, however, you need to re-calibrate how you go about getting it. there are many single women, and lesbians that you can father children with, and still be a significant influence in their lives.
2007-02-10 20:36:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to have children with a woman and grow old with a woman, why do you think you are gay? You are only 16, give yourself some more time. But if you really believe you are gay and still want to marry a woman and have a family with her, you also owe her the truth.
2007-02-10 11:38:40 · answer #11 · answered by Katykins 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋