I feel lost in my relationship?

Question

I have been in a relationship, of sorts for the past fifeten years. It started out rocky, my helping her get out of a marriage. It got physical and I of course steped right into the middle to defend and got my eye socket cracked for that. Then her teenage son began on his rampage of hate to me and drug use, I spent every late night searchs with her on that. Her Mother needed a lot of help in moving her froma huge old house full of stuff from the past, I helped clean out every nook and cranny. And then helped move her into a new condo. The Brother in all of this is an alcoholic and I have been on many trips to help pull him out of the Guttter, and many times he threatened my life, but thats ok because he had an illness then and was not repsonsible for his behavior. All in all my partner has always been controlling>Needs to be right. Will not even consider the fact that her criticisms, small or not, might be a problem. Her Mother died six months ago and I need work.

Answer 1

No news to you that the relationship is all take and no give.

1. Go get another job. If you must relocate to take it, that would probably be a good thing.
2. You cannot lose what you never had. Your sense of loyalty is your downfall.
3. You need other friends in your life. You are, in fact, lost because this woman and her drama have become your whole existence. You cannot put the fun back into dysfunction. It does not fit.
4. She may be your master but she is not your partner. When you can see that, you will move on. She does not actually need you.

Answer 2

I feel for you, I really do. It sounds like you have just enough left in you to get out with a little dignity and a chance at a happier and fullfilling life. Just so you know, everyone is responsible for their actions on some level, alcoholic or not. As far as she goes, you surely know you can't change someone who doesn't want to change or care enough about your feelings to try. You also are the only one who knows what you can live with or put up with. Good luck. I hope you find a happier life.

Answer 3

I think both you and she have a lot of problems to sort out. You are not going to get the kind of help you need here, especially if all you throw out is a large knotted ball of chaos for everyone to chew on.

I'll pick one issue and see if maybe it can be the start of a change for the better.

What crys out the loudest from your description is a problem called "codependency". You seem to need her to validate you, even though she and her family is a mess. You try to prove you are worthy of her appreciation, love, attention, etc. by rescuing her or her family members from various crises. She repays you by stroking your ego, intimacy, or whatever it is that keeps you attracted to her. If you don't do these things, she treats you poorly, criticizes you, and you feel angry, resentful, and 'lost'.

This will be hard, but you need to start by establishing boundaries with your partner. You are responsible for you and your happiness, she is responsible for herself and her happiness. It is not your job to make her happy. It is not her job to make you happy. Get out of the business of rescuing her.

If you believe she will not love you or want you unless you solve her problems, then you have an unhealthy and unworkable relationship. eventually your resentment of being used by her will overshadow everything else, and destroy the relationship all by itself. Go to the bookstore and get a book on codependency, and read it. Pia Mellody's book comes to mind. Good luck!

Answer 4

Things went from bad to worse, you need to give up on that relationship no one should have to endure that kind of abuse and that is what it is, Your g/f should have controlled her son and the minute he stepped out of line should of sent him to live with his dad and her brother if he had a problem then his sister should have dealt with it there is no excuse for the behavior of these people cut your ties and run, run very fast and don't look back.

Answer 5

This woman is a giant ball of chaos that you should probably dump. You could do so much better. Believe it or not, there are wonderful non-dysfunctional women out there that make great partners and don't have all of this added on baggage.

Answer 6

Quite frankly, this is bad situation. You need to take a step back and think "Is this what I really want in a relationship?" You're being walked over, and you know it. Find someone who will treat you the way you want to be treated. You don't need to be dealing with someone else's family problems.

Answer 7

walk out ..... right now