i love him but i cant live with him. unfortunately he has no where to go. he is an alcoholic. and has already caused me over $3000 in damages. i need to get rid of him. but i dont want him to be homeless... how do i get out of this situation. he is unpredictable. today he is great to marrow a monster
2007-02-10 09:51:44 · 15 answers · asked by just bees and things and flowers 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Tough love. and while you're at it, do you really need that kind of person dragging you down, ruining your credit, your friendships, your place, making you paranoid of what he will do next...ETC...?
Please reconsider kicking him out- Either that, or get the lease out of your name and move- Tell the landlord the situation. You can feel so much pity for someone that you think it is love and they NEED YOU to take care of them (CODEPENDANCY). Do you want a relationship based on that?
Before you ask on here, you need to ask yourself a bunch of questions, and only you can be honest with you right now.
Have you thought of Ala-non, or AA? YOU need support to make these tough decisions.
Good Luck!
2007-02-10 10:01:48 · answer #1 · answered by juicy13500 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The answer is.. he is ONLY a boyfriend.. not a husband.. so since you already spent $3000 on him and his habit.. spend some more on a singles apartment on the far side of town and move him into it.. (make sure YOU are not on the rental agreement .. he will undoubtedly do damage to the apt) change your locks and tell him the police have agreed to patrol your home for the next year with unmarked cars and get a restraining order out against him.. Call all the social service agencys and ask about what can be done for him.. maybe they have a place for homeless people.. and ask if there is any protection from him for you. get advice from those who deal with this type person.. and be ready for them to tell you to dump his clothes in a rented room and forget him... If you stay or let this person stay with you soon it will not be your home.. but a place where people he picks up in bars.. come for after hours drinks and fights .. and soon the drugs will start.. and don't be surprised if he brings home women soon.. just to show that you are not his boss.. Think about what you want out of life and if he is the answer. Good luck!
2007-02-10 10:12:35 · answer #2 · answered by ricketyoldbat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although you love him, you need to do what's best for you. If you continue to stay with him, that $3000 in damages will only get higher and higher. I guarantee the relationship won't get any better, especially if he keeps drinking.
I went through a similar situation: I loved my boyfriend but he was also unpredictable, sometimes a "monster". If I knew if I got rid of him, he'd have no place to go. One of my friends finally asked me, "Do you want to be happy or do you want to be with him?" I told her I wanted to be happy since I knew there was no way I could be happy if I stayed with him. So, I broke up with him, which he didn't take too well and ended up having to get a restraining order on him. He finally left me alone. The whole situation was stressful and heartbreaking, but it was worth the happiness I feel today. Good luck.
2007-02-10 10:08:52 · answer #3 · answered by ReeRee L'achelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a perfect choice for him. You are more worred for him then your own self. You are an enabler. He must take responsibility for his own actions. You cannot make him better. You cannot help him thru any of this. The help you are offering him will keep him drinking and causing this damage to himself and others, including you. He does not love you, he loves his alcohol. You are just a tool to keep him comfortable. The fact is although you maybe miserable in your uncomfortable relationship you will not make the decision to leave or put him out. You will continue making excuses for him. Stop. Please Stop. It is time to put yourself first. Your happiness. Your life. Your wellbeing. Your future. Do you want this life for the next month, year, ten years. Are you willing to give the rest of your life to this man who thinks more of booze than you? Chose yourself. Don't look back. He won't. Good luck.
2007-02-10 10:02:24 · answer #4 · answered by Miki M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I would like to make a point that, you dont love him. Because you arnt trying to change him, you want to get rid of him. You feel sorry for him, thats why you want to find him a place to live instead of being homeless. You pity him, not Love him.
My advice to you is talk to him about it and tell him everything that you feel about him, telling him its too hard for you, if he doesnt already know, and try to help him out with his alcoholic problem.
2007-02-10 10:00:45 · answer #5 · answered by Saphire04 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a hard one because you'll feel like you're abandoning him. Talk to him when he's sober, tell him you love him but cannot live this life. Perhaps he'd be willing to go to AA and get himself some help, but in the meantime he needs to move out and you need to stop seeing each other, or you'll be miserable the rest of your life. It doesn't get better, only worse. Give him an ultimatum & stick with it.
2007-02-10 09:58:35 · answer #6 · answered by mstrywmn 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should try to get in touch with a local rehab center or assisted living place. You shouldnt have to baby him and keep such a close eye on him all the time, and as scary as it is to just get rid of him, he should not be your responsibility. He needs help and you need to get your life back. Good Luck!
2007-02-10 09:56:10 · answer #7 · answered by sassy s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only thing u are doing be keeping him in is protecting him from his mistakes...
kick him out and tell him never to come back.... and that u are sick and tired of protecting him and stuff and that hes bringing more bad than good in this relationship... and
put him in a homeless shelter one night after he gets drunk that way he has no recollection of last night or how he got there...
i know a bad way to get rid of him.... say he raped u to the police.... the evidence... after he goes to sleep make him touch u with his hand.... that way he can never come back....
2007-02-10 10:09:39 · answer #8 · answered by sweetangel16175 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to look out for #1. It seems that it is his own fault for treating u and himself this way, and if he cared as much about u as u do for him, he wouldnt be a drunk. Its hard, but u just have to do it. Give him the boot, and find someone who will appreciate u.
2007-02-10 10:01:42 · answer #9 · answered by TWT 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
kick him out and then he will go find somewhere to live right now he just thinks he has all the control and ur to afraid to dump him so you gotta show him hes wrong
2007-02-10 09:56:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋