I'm in an unhappy marriage how do I leave?

Question

I am married w/ 2 kids ages 8 & 5 . I am no longer in love w/ my husband after years of him verbally abusing me & being controlling. Almost 10 yrs of dealing w/ being called names like retard & having to deal w/ his drug abuse is really depressing & I don't wanna end up old & unhappy w/ no love in my life. I just have no where to go & no money & nobody to stay w/ & I don't wanna end up in a shelter. If you were me what would you do? Serious answers only please as this is my life not a joke.

Answer 1

Just take the kids and leave now. Pack your stuff and get an apartment and leave or even stay with a friend of family member for now. You may need to go to a shelter for now hun till you can get on your own two feet and help yourself and the kids and you will need to find a job to and save some money to get a place of your own. They can help you and it would be a much better place then where are are at now and a much more stable environment for you and the kids to be safe in. I understand this is no joke but you need to get out of their asap or it will only get worse and possibly and up physical someday soon. call 1-800-799-7233 or go to http://www.drphil.com and email them for help and suggestions and advice in this matter. You can also go to a local church for counseling and help and prayer in this matter as well. They may be able to help or put you up somewhere for the time being. Social services may be able to help with housing food and medical for the time being as well. Go down and apply once you are out. They have to have an adress though. Here comes lots of hugs today and you are in my prayers and thoughts.

Answer 2

You might have to end up at a shelter-for abused women. However, if you can talk with a counselor, a pastor, someone, or a battered woman counselor (at a Center For Battered Women, etc.). This may sound strange, but please consider talking with the local police dept. about where you could go. Or, ask about the drug thing. Depending on what's what, you may get your husband arrested for drugs, then have the place you are in now. Only problem with that--is with the children having been in the same house-could be a little sticky for the kids not being taken by child protective services. Or, another option, make an appt. with a college advisor (community college) in your area, talk over classes to take for job training. Or, if welfare is still available in your state, consider leaving (even in a shelter), get on welfare, if you can, find subsidized housing (cheaper rent), and get a job, etc. I wish you the best. Take care.

Answer 3

You have several issues --- you have eliminated a woman's shelter for awhile, so, now you have to figure out how to support yourself and your children if you wish to leave..

I would have no problem leaving, spending a year in a shelter with my kids, getting some training, say dental hygienist (in my little town pays $37.50/hr with big benefits) or some other training... You have made mistakes that many women make, and you would have done better to have been my sister, and raised by my mom
Her advise............
1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry... choose well.
2. Never have children until your marriage is solid and can stand the trauma of children. Have no more children than you yourself can support in a fashion you like.
3. Get and education. It is likely you will have to work during your life time, maybe for decades. A marriage license is not a life time meal ticket..... Get paid for it
4. Have a stash of cash no one knows about -- the more the better --- even if you know you will never need it. You will.

Thank you mom, I love you.

So, what would I do??? Hon, I'd live under a bridge before I put up with some bast(a) ard who treated me poorly. And if the marriage wasn't worth saving, I sure as hell would leave, live in a shelter and work my butt off to get training that paid well... those years are going to go by anyway, I'd make them work for me. In two years, I'd have a good job, my children out from under a hateful sob, drug dude, and safe... Those two years are going to go by anyway, and I would still be in the same house with some rat s(h)it guy treating me like crap, and having my children think that this, and his life style were normal behavior.....

Answer 4

Do you have any friends or family that will take you and your kids in while you get on your feet? If not, then the only thing you can do is try to get your husband to leave, but you are going to have to get some help financially. You need to go to the local women's center and tell them the situation, that you are in a situation where you are being verbally abused and you husband is using drugs around your kids and won't stop. They might be able to help you. Do you have a job? If you do, then you should start putting a little bit of money each payday into a secret savings account. You can go to a bank and open a savings account and have the statements mailed to a friend, relative or p.o. box, just not to you house so your husband doesn't find out about it. You need to only have it your name too. If you don't have a job, then you need to find away to get some extra money. Do you and your husband have a joint checking account? If so, then withdraw about $50 a week or paycheck and put it in that secret savings account. If you take more than that he will notice and then you will end up in a fight, not good. Another thing you can do is either babysit other kids for extra money and save it all up or you can go to cyberbegging.com and ask people to donate money to you. It costs $15 to put your ad up, but then people can dontate to a paypal account for you. I am not sure if it works, but it is worth a try.

When I decided to leave my ex husband after 7 years of the same thing, I went to Mom's house, which made it easy on me, plus I don't have any kids, but I say for your kids' sake you should leave him so he doesn't verbally abuse them. Also, you should be able to get some assistance through welfare or whatever to help you get out of this situation. If nothing else works, then you can alwyas call the cops and report your husband for having possession of drugs and then when gets arrested and taken to jail you can file for divorce and change the locks on the house! I am not joking about that, I work for a prison and I see the same story all the time, some jerk either verbally, sexually or physcially abuses his wife/girlfriend and kids and goes to jail/prison and the woman that is being abused works really hard to get him back out there and then in a couple of weeks or months they are right back where they started. Honey, just do what you need to do for yourself and your kids, get out and don't look back! If you have to go to a women's shelter for a while, who cares? Better than the alteranative and they can help you get on your feet and have that better life you want.

Answer 5

First of all, this is not ur pproblem...this is everyone problems around the WORLD....

NO where is wriiten that man & woman must be in LOVE for ever... there is nothing like that... However there must be a respect in the family...

What you do that he is abusive... don't repeat those acts that he hate...

Pay all your attention to ur kids...5&8 is very bad age for them...if they get depress in this age that it may effect their whole their life....

WHY u allowed to have two kids from such man that u discribing ... Why u don't want admit to your guilt?

Leaving & Divorce is NOT answer U& your children would become more confluse and unhappy... try to get HELP for your man and make him again a good lover...this is a job that you get price....

Answer 6

I lived what you're now living, only I had 3 kids instead of 2. I was a miserable human being 7 days a week. I did just exactly what you said you did not want to end up doing. I ended up old, and alone. My advice therefore is to get out of it now, if there is NO hope,and only YOU know that. If there is a flicker of hope, then don't be hasty.If there isn't, then get out while you can. Don't get pregnant again whatever you do. It's even harder with 3. Good Luck!!

Answer 7

you are to busy feeling sorry for yourself. When you are done crying pack and go out the front door. Big deal you have 2 kids. Get a job and support them. If the hubby has been this bad for as long as you say why the he-- did you have kids with him or even get married.

Answer 8

you need to work on a plan first. Find a place to live, even if it's with a friend for the while. Try to get legal counselling, there are a lot of attorneys who work pro bono, just do some research.

When you have found out what your rights are, and have a safe place to move, get out! Take your kids and get out.

Answer 9

would you rather stay with him suffering than to stay in a shelter? You have to think about your kids first. Seek some help. Nobody can deserve anything what you're getting through right now.

Answer 10

Find any way you can to get out. Everytime you think that you cannot, remember that you are a rold model to your children. What type of relationships they will have has a lot to do with what they see as they grow up. What type of life do you want for them? There are a lot of agencies that will help. You just need to ask.