Does being in a family where the women were never abused mean that I won't get abused?

Question

A few years ago, when the topic of abusive relationships came up on a talk show, I told my mom that I was afraid of being in a relationship like the ones being talked about. She said that since there's no history of abuse on both sides of the family, then I will never be abused so I have nothing to worry about. I disagree, as I think that women get in these types of relationships whether there's a family history of it or not and that's it's naive to think that if it didn't happen to the women in my family, it won't ever happen to me. Who's right?

Answer 1

People tend to gravitate toward familiar relationship types. In other words, if you come from a "normal" family with "normal" relationships, then you will naturally seek a similar relationship. If you have a history of dysfunction, you will find a role that is familiar to you. The familiarity of the role is a "comfort" zone; it is the perspective from which you are accustomed to handling the world and its issues.

However, since we're thinking beings, this truism is not cast in stone. If you KNOW you come from some kind of dysfunctional family, then you can deliberately seek out healthy relationships. In other words, if in your family history, you are accustomed to being the caregiver/enabler in an alcoholic relationship, you can avoid interaction with drinkers and eliminate that issue before it starts.

If you know you have low self esteem--the result of a history of abuse--get therapy. Find help that will teach you how to handle a healthy relationship.

And Roy--(notice the speaker is a man)--it is your responsibility not to be an abuser. It all comes down to one's own individual behavior and responsibility.

Answer 2

Your family history doesn't take into consideration the possibility of abuse in your husbands family. However, abuse may not be talked about or even happened and could start any time. It usually starts after marriage. Some women thrive on it and still others don't know how to get out of the relationship. They are scared and rightfully so. There are no guarantees in life. Take a chance and then deal with it responsibly.

Answer 3

You are right, no matter if there is no abuse in the family a person can still get tangled up in an abusive realtionship. Most abusers are very sly. The treat you well, until they get what they want and then abuse you weather its verbal, phyical sexual or emotionally. Be careful and don't fall into the trap of abused people. If you are concerned call a womens assault centre and ask them all the questions you want at how to know the signs of abuse and educate yourself so you know what not to look for. It takes guts and education to understand that abuse can and will happen irregarless of family history. Protect yourself and educate yourself and you will feel better about it, then you can share the information with you mom. Take care Heather

Answer 4

Let's see. Most of these people you see on talk shows do have past abusive history. They seem to believe that it is okay and tolerate it to a point. Most people who do not have abusive history recognize the abuse quicker and do not put up with it-unless they are stupid to begin with and claim to love their abusive partner. I would say that you are more than likely to have an abusive relationship if you were abused. Saying it will never happen to you because it never happened to you, is not right. It can happen to anybody regardless of their upbringing. Plus a lot of abused people grow up into normal relationships. I say really that it depends on the person. Gosh is that confusing. I personally was not abused and will NEVER put up with it, if it ever came my way. I think you are right, not your Mom.

Answer 5

You could get into an abusive relationship whether you have a history or not, just as a person who has an abusive family doesn't have to get in an abusive relationship.

Answer 6

Why would you belittle yourself into thinking that you would allow someone to abuse you, you shouldn't think like that. Abuse doesn't necessarily have to do with your family history either, just because it didn't happen to anyone in your family doesn't stop you from being abused . If you re afraid of something it may very well happen to you, so don't be afraid ask God for a good man and he will do it.

Answer 7

Although i'm no expert, I would agree that the absence of family history of abuse is no guarantee that it wouldn't happen to you. I think that persons with abuse in their background do seem to gravitate to people that would repeat the abuse cycle. However, that is not to say that those people will repeat the cycle inasmuch as people without a history can find themselves in an abusive relationship.
All the information that i've heard tends to indicate a tendency upon abused people to repeat that sort of behavior in other areas of their own life, although that, too, is a trend not a sentence.

Answer 8

I take it your a girl. You are right. The boyfriend or husband could come from an abusive household or he could be mentally imbalanced due to alcohol or drug abuse or just have an anger management problem. Any number of reasons could result in abusive behavior from an individual. They could be mentally stable today but a year from now or even 10 a loss of income, debts overwhelming or even children have caused men, as well as women, to lose control and become verbal and/or physically abusive. Many times counseling and prescription meds help these people.

Answer 9

ya know i don't believe it to be a right or wrong answer!!many men and women who abuse others often times have no history of it in the family!! i think the society uses our "FAMILY HISTORY" as an excuse for being an abuse of wife, husband, ect... and yes its very naive to think because there was no prior history of abuse that it can't happen.

Answer 10

It's up to you if you get into and accept an abusive relationship. Since you have not been exposed to and numbed by it in your history, you have a much better chance to recognize it and avoid it as well as not geing attracted to the abusive type. Your mom is right. Your mom is always right, don't forget it.