I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and we do not live together yet. He has two kids and the requests from the babys mothers is that my boyfriend not have any girls around there children. When he babysits his daughter I am not alowd to be there so I go home. he doesnt want to live with me because it would make it difficult for him to see his child...I have been understanding thus far but I dont know how long I should deal with it. I dont want to be selfish but i want to move on in our relationship and feel as if it will not move anywhere...Should I continue to be understanding, Or should I soon give an ultimatum?!?! Please help and give your opinion--
2007-02-10 08:13:06 · 10 answers · asked by a_team_passion 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
im not wanting him to choose between me and his kids, cause i would lose--but just make me more involved. Three years seems perminent enough to me....
2007-02-10 08:42:40 · update #1
It's very hard to give a man an ultimatum, when he has kids because most of the time he will pick his kids, so you don't want to rock that boat, unless your not serious about being with him. I do feel that he should try and make his children's mother understand that in the future he is going to have a life and she should respect the fact that he wants his children to be a part of it. My advise to you is sit down and talk to him about how you feel and where you want this relationship to go and where he wants it to go. Because if he doesn't have the backbone to tell his ex that he would like the children to be around you, then maybe you might want to rethink this relationship.Maybe that's what he's telling you, because if your the one he wants to be with then you should be a part of his life, and that means all of it. Have a talk with him, if nothing else at least you'll know where you stand in this relationship and take it from there.
2007-02-10 08:25:50 · answer #1 · answered by glorene b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His ex wife is right. Until your boyfriend is serious enough to propose and marry you, there is no reason for you to be around when he visits with his child. Girlfriends can come and go, and the child would be further upset by getting attached, only to lose someone they loved and cared for. Can you imagine if this happened again and again? I don't think the ex-wife's rule has anything to do with why you and your boyfriend haven't moved on to a more serious level. The reason must be that he doesn't want it to, or believe me, it would be there.....I think he is perhaps unsure, and he uses the whole "rule" as an excuse not to move on to a more serious level. In this case, I think you could issue an ultimatim, but it shouldn't be, me or the kid, never force a Dad to chose his own child or his woman, that's not fair. The ultimatim should be, "either we committ and become a more serious couple, or I'm leaving, because I'm not wasting my life waiting around for you to make up your mind." I think there is nothing wrong with that, and by three years of dating, you ought to know if you are compatible and in love and would make a good match.
2007-02-10 08:21:10 · answer #2 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ultimatums are not wrong - but asking him to choose between you and his kids? Yea. That's wrong. Why does he have more than 1 kids with different mothers? Consider that. Why didn't it work out there? You might want to see if he sees you guys getting married in the future and how having a relationship with his kids would be healthy if he does. Otherwise - maybe he is not ready and you are expected the impossible. Sounds like he has his hands full as it is. By the way, DADS don't babysit.
2007-02-10 08:18:25 · answer #3 · answered by lucki female 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is only one thing that I see as a possible way to deal with this maturely. Tell your long-term boyfriend (three years and still going nowhere) that you would like to make your relationship permanent but you don't see it moving in any direction and that you have decided you want to move on. Tell him he is your choice but since he doesn't seem interested in marrying you, you need the freedom to find someone who will be ready for the same thing you want at the same time you want it.. Tell him if he ever changes his mind and wants you on a permanent basis, to look you up. IF YOU'RE STILL FREE and IF YOU'RE STILL INTERESTED IN HIM, perhaps you can work it out. But make it clear he's not to call or contact you for any reason until or if he's ready for commitment. THEN LEAVE!!!!!!!!!
2007-02-10 08:24:12 · answer #4 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An ultimatum is given by someone that has hit a brick wall and doesn't know what to do anymore, or by someone manipulative.
How is it that he babysits? Is that how he views it?
And who the hell is this woman to tell him when he can have you around? She sounds ultra-contolling. Sounds like he rolls over and takes it.
Don't move in with him. Trust me on this one.
2007-02-10 08:19:02 · answer #5 · answered by Jed 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd just find a new boyfriend without all this drama. Surely he's not the only man in the world? Why oh why do you feel he's the best man for your future? Move on.
2007-02-10 08:23:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ultimatim. Your relationship isn't going anywhere.
2007-02-10 08:47:02 · answer #7 · answered by chickidy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you just need to explain to him how you feel and then, if he doesnt get it, give the ultimatum.
i wish you the best of luck.
2007-02-10 08:23:44 · answer #8 · answered by runningballerina 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be sure you able to live with his decision if you do.
2007-02-10 08:30:41 · answer #9 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If that don't work there bbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeaaaaaaaakkkkkkk
up.
2007-02-10 08:18:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋